| The Main Players - The Guys |
[23 Jan 2008|01:27am] |
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Alright you guys. This entry is going to be rediculous but it's BOTHERING me and it's been on my mind for SO fucking long I just don't know what to do. The following men in my life have been confusing the hell out of me and if not that, they have been making me confuse myself. I am lost, scared, confused. I don't know what to do anymore but I NEVER want to lose any of them as they have all been a huge part of my life.
Here we go, pics followed by our brief history and the problem at hand.
MATT
( +2 )
I met Matt in the summer of 2007 in NJ. We met by chance at the WAWA off of 35 by the little pink beach house where we were staying at. He was there with his friends, I was out with my sis and cuz. One thing lead to another and we were all in the parkinglot drunk, talking, and hanging out. I was in Carole's Explorer and said "ANYONE WANNA MAKE OUT WITH ME?" and Matt was the first to say "I DO" but he was eating Doritos and i refused so he bought a pack of gum and Initially i was just kidding anyway but since he clearly really wanted to I kissed him. We ended up all partying at his friends house which ended with me and him making out again (As you will see in one of the above pics). We hung out with Just Matt the following day and he gave me his number.Well went back to VA we just didn't talk but I thought a couple months later it'd text him and ask how NJ is doing. He replied instantly and I made it a point to every few weeks or so, text and say hi.
( ...Click here to read more... )
MIKEY
( +2 )
Mikey has always been really cool and really nice but he has an issue with girls where he has a new gf every week. He gets around too but he has always genuinely cared for me and has always been there for me like a brother and a great friend. He kissed me once and told me he really liked me and never wanted to lose me and wanted to kiss me to see if ANYTHING would come out of it. I had the same feelings but he is military and will be in the military for another several years and he will live in Washington State soon after Ranger School. He asked me to Marry him over Xmas break, well to consider a marriage cuz im the only girl he trusts and really cares about. He wants to marry me to take care of himself and us. He needs the help and i could use it too, it would be by papers and we'd get a divorse if I found someone else. As someone who really cares about him I want to help him but Marriage is sacred to me, i want to get marreid once and i want it to be for the right reasons but I cant help but to think...what if we actually have a working marriage? Like we give it a try for REAL and things work out??
MIKE
( +1 )
Mike loves me. He has loved me for years and I could never return the love. Mike and I have a lot in common and I really like him a lot and care about him but he came into my life at the wrong time and had to go back into the military and has been there ever since. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and he wants to give dating a shot with me when he comes back to the states but He won't even be in NC which is right under VA like he thought he'd be...he'd be in SC and i can't deal with a distance like that but he is someone I KNOW who really loves me and would be kind to me, cherish me, and never cheat on me..... Idk what to do...I find myself getting really upset when he talks about being with other people now and I was really upset when he told me about SC....This just shows that i really do like him and want to be with him.
SHAWN
( +1 )
I met Shawn in NJ in the summer MANY years ago. We hung out for a week and our last day in NJ we finally kissed. He was so unique and nice and HILARIOUS. We have so many inside jokes and he was a great presence. We neevr exchanged numbers since he lived in NY and I was in VA but he liked me so much he SOMEHOW found my number and called me a month later...I was SPEECHLESS when i answered the phone and heard it was him. I was happy as FUCK. We wrote eachother a lot but then lost touch. We recently (about a year ago) found eachother on yes...MYSPACE and we have not really talked up until recently. About a month ago he sent me something nice and then last night and the night before. He wants to come to VA and he says he misses me but.... he has a gf. And that brings up a story I will share later that happened today. I am just happy I have a connection with him again.
CHRIS
( +1 )
Chris is my ex ex bf. He and I have had a wonderful open relationship. We understand eachother, he never EVER yelled at me or treated me like shit. he loved me and treated me like a queen. He goes out of his way for me and always does nice things. He and i will ALWAYS be friends and we know we still care about eachother but he wants to be with me again and as much as I like him, Something about him doesnt sit well with me. He is unstable to me.... he always travels and has so much going on....Idk what to do about him anymore either but I have recently gotten VERY jealous of the thought of him being with other girls. Especially this 18 yr old girl he's dating...I can't take it anymore but at the same time i THOUGHT I didn't want to date him. WTF is wrong with me?.
And last but CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, The BIGGEST issue in my life...
JAMES
( +11 )
James helps me with my Brittish-Enlgish translations. I picked up an interest in it and now he helps me figure things out and help him with proper English. He has always been such a gentlemen to me and said really nice and flattering things to me but I thought it was because he was English and that's just how he is. He and I have a similar ex story so we relate a lot and we both have a deceased parent. Recently he has been telling me these things that really make me feel butterflies, I feel really anxious and sometimes sad or overwhelmed but most of all he makes me incredibly happy. The issue with him is this, He lives in England and he will be coming to the US for at LEAST 3 months. He had planned on coming here for a month but he asnt sure where, now he says he wants to stay 3+ months or years in MY area and it's because of me. He says things like "I want to make you happy, I adore you so much i'd do ANYTHING for you" and I tell him i can't believe him sadly for many reasons and he tells me He "isn't lying" and he's "being dead serious". He says he thinks I was put in in his life for a reason and he just flatters me to death with these really sweet things I have NEVER heard a man say to me before. He tells me I make him unbelievably happy and he thinks about me day in and day out and it sometimes gets to him until he can actually talk to me.
He is in England. I am here but if he is serious....I'd LOVE for things to work out but am I just setting myself up? SHOULD I believe him?
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| Mp3 PLAYERS |
[23 Jan 2008|08:50pm] |
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mood |
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UGH!!! I have been tormenting myself ALL day with this shit.
I really can't decide what I want!!
The Pink Zune
It's cute, plays video's, holds music, pictures, has cute cases and it comes in pink :)
The pink ipod nano
I had an ipod mini which was pink, I am familiar with ipods. This one does all the same as the zune minus synching.
or the fuckin
ItouchIpod
And this one does all the above plus internet, plus weather, e-mail, directions, etc.
I am SO stuck. I need something for my mp3's though and I have ipod stuff for my car that i wouldnt need to buy again if i buy an ipod however i hear good things about Zunes and id have to go and buy stuff for it. Either way idc. Can someone help me?
Anyone who has any of these and can recommend something?
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| Damnit... |
[23 Jan 2008|10:29pm] |
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I hate getting e-mails or texts from people that make your heart just SINK and you get all nervous. Matt just sent me an e-mail that's got me a little worried. He sounded all a-mess and said he really needed to talk to me..... My heart is racing. I hate that shit. Gotta wait for him to get back home to hear it.
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