Alright...so I'll admit it.  I think I'm drunk right now....or really really tipsy.  Yes I have had 3 shots of tequila.  I'm kind of dizy, and laughy.  It's fun and stuff.

p.s.  I'm obviously stupid.  I just turned on music so I could truthfully put something in the music section. 

Yeah, for real.  Why the hell am I still up at 7 in the morning when I clearly don't have to be up.  I could have slept in today.  Cunt.  Oh well, I guess I did tell her to wake me up, and that's okay.  So yesterday was the last day of mini-camp.  It was very hot, and I got burnt like toast.  Piss.  I had sunscreen on all day too.  Oh well, I got rid of some of my lines, and the ones I got from the past two days aren't that bad.  I've been trying to get into this whole sunscreen era.  It's kind of hard for me to understand that I can still get tan when I wear sunscreen.  But I wore spf 15 on my face all day, and spf 30 on my upper arms, shoulders, chest, and back.  I never put anything on my legs.  It's pointless.  I don't have huge lines from my sunglasses, which makes me super happy.  

Speaking of super happy....  We learned 20 sets of drill, which is pretty good.  The band can march and play 15 of them, which is really good.  This means that we are going to have most, if not all of our show done by the end of band camp.  Now I don't really know how this is going to play out for the guard.  I know we are supposed to be getting some work next week...but next week is optional.  So maybe the next next week.  We have practice Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.  We're picking up another day, which kind of sucks, but I know we need it.  We're going to have tough competition this year, especially since a lot of our good instrumentalists graduated.  We are left with like 70 (probably less) people, and our sound is going to suffer from that.  My drill is super easy except one set, which is good.  Plus that one set isn't that bad.  It's like 4 steps.  Oh!  We start the show on weapon!  Hell yeah!  I hope the work is challenging, and fucking cute as hell.

So on Thursdays I always take my dads check in and put it in his account.  Well I stopped by the mailbox, got the check, and I saw my dad coming so I stopped and talked to him.  He told me that the fluid in my grandmas lungs wasn't a cause of the cancer she has, no, it's a whole new cancer.  He was so upset, as he was driving away, he was crying.  I felt so bad for him.  So on my way to town, imagine you just found out your grandma has 2 cancers instead of one, and you just got home from mini-camp, which means your wore out, your tired.  Basically, not in a good mood.  So I was driving driving, and right before McDonalds, there is a stop light, and I was already stopping, but this girl like slammed on her brakes, and we bumped.  Thankfully it was just a little one, like a nudge, if I may.  But yeah, it did nothing to her truck, and it did nothing to my jeep.  Which is good because I only have PLPD, which means it's automatically my fault, which I'm taking the blame anyways, yeah it is my fault, I was driving too close to her, and I've been told to stop doing that by my mom and dad.  Shitty.  Anyways, but she called her husband, and he told her to call the police, because that's what you're supposed to do.  I wait like 5 million years for that cop to get here, and he checks everything out, and was like okay well you cant file a report unless you do more that $1,000.00 of damage, and bia, there was none so ha.  But we exchanged info and I went along.  After this I still needed to get his check in before 5 o'clock.  I missed my turn not once...but twice.  I was 5 minutes late.  They had just closed.  I was pissed.  So while nothing is wrong, it was still really embarrassing.  I know I looked like shit, because I hadn't changed from the day, and I was sweaty and I smelled gross, and I'm sure I looked gross.

Today I am going to see my grandma.  I don't really know when I will be leaving, but I know for sure, later in the afternoon.  I'm driving down to Tipton, and from there my dad is driving to Indy.  Usually I just wait until she gets back home to see her, but I feel like I haven't seen her in so long, and with this new cancer, I think she could use the company.  I kind of nervous about the drive, because I don't really know where I'm going.  I know it's all highway, but when it comes to the turn off and stuff, I'm so unsure.  If I get fucking lost, I'm fucked.  Oh well. it's worth it.

So yeah, I think I might go running with Hope today.  Not too far because I don't think fatty can run too far anywhere.  But I think it would be a good idea to start getting in shape, and not just to look good, but it will make my life easier.  Like maybe I can build up some stamina and not totally die at band camp.  I could actually run to my set with out dying.  Plus I do want to look good lol.  I was to get into real shape, because I'm planning on trying out for Glassmen.  You have to be so good, so I'm trying to get better at everything.

Well, I think that is enough for now dont you? 

 Alright 2 posts in one day.  I'm on a roll.  So I've been thinking about senior projects for fucking ever.  I've had so many ideas including but not limited to:
Swim suit design
Battle of the Bands/Charity thing
Fashion line
Graphic design
Interior design
Remodeling my room or bathroom.

But I think I have finally found an idea that excites me to no end, and I can afford.  This project is a t-shirt line.  This line will be promoting peace.  Peace of all kinds.  Peace with the world, peace with other people, peace with yourself, just peace in general.  Truthfully, it is ridiculous that there is so much hate in this world.  I was also thinking about extending this to all major issues.  I was going to take special orders.  Like whatever color shirt you want with a certain color of paint.  I was going to stencil everything.  I know this is going to take forever, but it's worth it if people will listen.  I was also thinking of contacting 17 magazine and Cosmo Girl, because they are really big on peace with yourself, like loving yourself and the body you were born with.  I think that is really important because you were born with it, and you can't really change it.  Don't be ashamed of it, it's yours and only yours, for a reason.  Everyone is perfect in their own way.  I was thinking about doing minor reconstruction of the shirt to make it a little cuter, like not so t-shirty.  I don't know about that though.  My mentor will be my grandma, so that will be good.  I was also thinking that I've said "I've been thinking" way too damn much.  Oh well.  I'm going to say it like 5 more times.  Anyways, I was going to sell them and the profit I got I was going to keep enough to keep making the shirts and buying the supplies, but donate the rest to the Peace Corps. or something like that.  Or maybe make a scholarship.  I have no idea.  But I've got the foundation...and that's important.  I'm so excited.  I'm pretty sure the board will approve.  My angle will be how being stressed and unhappy affects your health or something like that.

To those of you who don't really understand senior projects, they are the single most important thing you have to do when you are a senior.  You do it, or fail.  End of story.  It takes you all year, and you don't really do much else your senior year.  It's huge.

So lately I've been contemplating things.  I can't believe I'm a senior already...  I don't feel mature enough, I don't feel old enough.  I don't want to grow up yet...I'm just not ready.  I'll be 18 in September.  That's insane!  I'm not mature enough to be an adult!  Anyone who knows me will agree.

Have you ever been thinking about past relationships and thought "I would really like to try that again..."  I've been thinking that lately.  I've just realized how truly immature I was.  I know a million ways to handle things that used to just ignore.  I still realize that all of the variables are the same.  There is still 350 miles between us.  His mom still hates me I bet.  His friends think I'm a huge bitch because of the immature way I handled things.  I was talking to Wade the other night and I was like... Fuck, I miss talking to  him.  I told him that too.  I was like, I hope that's not weird to say.  But yeah, I just realized in that moment how much we've grown up and apart...but back again.  We're still the same people.  I can still open up to him like a fucking book, in a way I could never open up to anyone else.  It's just so fucking weird.  I hate that I'm still not over him.  I want to be over him, and I want to be with other people.  But when you make future plans, you have things set up just the way you want them set, and those dreams of a perfect future are hard to erase.  In the back of my mind I can see up ending up together because we really are perfect together.  I bet anyone a million dollars that we would still be together if we went to same school.  That sucks, and I hate it.

The only thing that still has my mind boggled is why I still haven't had a real boyfriend.  I think it's weird that online I have all of these boys saying I'm so hot, beautiful, and if I lived near them they would date me in a second...  But here in fucking Indiana, the place that actually matters, no one likes me.  That sucks... a lot.  I just don't understand.  I wish I could just get a real answer on this.  I would really like to know.

*sigh*  Anyways, I think I am done for now.  I think I've done good today.  I also think I've said "I think" 5 more time like I said.  ha.

<3 megan