Current location:	earth
Current mood:	calm
Current music:	what I say and what I mean by the like

Fucking HUGE!!!

 Alright 2 posts in one day.  I'm on a roll.  So I've been thinking about senior projects for fucking ever.  I've had so many ideas including but not limited to:
Swim suit design
Battle of the Bands/Charity thing
Fashion line
Graphic design
Interior design
Remodeling my room or bathroom.

But I think I have finally found an idea that excites me to no end, and I can afford.  This project is a t-shirt line.  This line will be promoting peace.  Peace of all kinds.  Peace with the world, peace with other people, peace with yourself, just peace in general.  Truthfully, it is ridiculous that there is so much hate in this world.  I was also thinking about extending this to all major issues.  I was going to take special orders.  Like whatever color shirt you want with a certain color of paint.  I was going to stencil everything.  I know this is going to take forever, but it's worth it if people will listen.  I was also thinking of contacting 17 magazine and Cosmo Girl, because they are really big on peace with yourself, like loving yourself and the body you were born with.  I think that is really important because you were born with it, and you can't really change it.  Don't be ashamed of it, it's yours and only yours, for a reason.  Everyone is perfect in their own way.  I was thinking about doing minor reconstruction of the shirt to make it a little cuter, like not so t-shirty.  I don't know about that though.  My mentor will be my grandma, so that will be good.  I was also thinking that I've said "I've been thinking" way too damn much.  Oh well.  I'm going to say it like 5 more times.  Anyways, I was going to sell them and the profit I got I was going to keep enough to keep making the shirts and buying the supplies, but donate the rest to the Peace Corps. or something like that.  Or maybe make a scholarship.  I have no idea.  But I've got the foundation...and that's important.  I'm so excited.  I'm pretty sure the board will approve.  My angle will be how being stressed and unhappy affects your health or something like that.

To those of you who don't really understand senior projects, they are the single most important thing you have to do when you are a senior.  You do it, or fail.  End of story.  It takes you all year, and you don't really do much else your senior year.  It's huge.

So lately I've been contemplating things.  I can't believe I'm a senior already...  I don't feel mature enough, I don't feel old enough.  I don't want to grow up yet...I'm just not ready.  I'll be 18 in September.  That's insane!  I'm not mature enough to be an adult!  Anyone who knows me will agree.

Have you ever been thinking about past relationships and thought "I would really like to try that again..."  I've been thinking that lately.  I've just realized how truly immature I was.  I know a million ways to handle things that used to just ignore.  I still realize that all of the variables are the same.  There is still 350 miles between us.  His mom still hates me I bet.  His friends think I'm a huge bitch because of the immature way I handled things.  I was talking to Wade the other night and I was like... Fuck, I miss talking to  him.  I told him that too.  I was like, I hope that's not weird to say.  But yeah, I just realized in that moment how much we've grown up and apart...but back again.  We're still the same people.  I can still open up to him like a fucking book, in a way I could never open up to anyone else.  It's just so fucking weird.  I hate that I'm still not over him.  I want to be over him, and I want to be with other people.  But when you make future plans, you have things set up just the way you want them set, and those dreams of a perfect future are hard to erase.  In the back of my mind I can see up ending up together because we really are perfect together.  I bet anyone a million dollars that we would still be together if we went to same school.  That sucks, and I hate it.

The only thing that still has my mind boggled is why I still haven't had a real boyfriend.  I think it's weird that online I have all of these boys saying I'm so hot, beautiful, and if I lived near them they would date me in a second...  But here in fucking Indiana, the place that actually matters, no one likes me.  That sucks... a lot.  I just don't understand.  I wish I could just get a real answer on this.  I would really like to know.

*sigh*  Anyways, I think I am done for now.  I think I've done good today.  I also think I've said "I think" 5 more time like I said.  ha.

<3 megan