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May 4th, 2009

09:25 pm - Bloop I'm still mad with myself for forgetting my cell charger in Oak Harbor. That is the worse timing ever. Meanwhile I am very lethargic. It's weird because I really want to do something, but anything that comes to mind doesn't interest me. Finished up the work I needed to do for James and Ragnarok Universe. Watched Bride Wars which got me thinking about weddings. I mean that already has been on my mind constantly because I just want to be at that stage already. I want to have money and a house and to be with James taking care of our kids. College life doesn't interest me like I thought it would. It's further pushed by the fact that I keep having dreams about being married and stuff. Love always seems to be the big topic anywhere I go. Even just talking to Trenton, that whole love deal came up last night. (Suffice to say, he got angry at me for being faithful with James). And then along with love is the whole idea of sex. Not sex sex, but just physical attraction, the idea of being close to someone, hugging, kissing, and that whole deal. Blah, it's just all that is on my mind (even in the RP which Heather refuses to post in to torture me is at a big romance point where suddenly a bajillion people are falling for another bajillion people. But the difference between my characters and I is that despite romantic issues, that really is their only unhappiness. With everything else, they are doing exactly what they want. They don't have to do things they don't feel like, don't have to worry about money. You know, life in anime and manga are very simple and pleasant that way. Even if it's a school setting, does it ever really feel like school is such a big struggle? Even those doing poorly in class (there's always at least one), they always turn out okay in the end. And then what? They live happily. They don't have to worry about majoring in something, getting a degree, getting a well paying job so that they won't be homeless bums. Anime makes me very frustrated suddenly. I just need a knack. But even then, is my knack to the point that I could make a living off of it? Certainly not if I wanted to, say, write a novel. You can't write a book unless you have 8 English degrees, know exactly when it is and is not appropriate to use commas, and on top of that, know people who already have their foot in the novelist door. I envy James in that sense. He likes designing websites. He knows how to do it. And he knows it's what he wants to do in life. Right now he has a business of being a graphic designer. Sure he doesn't get many customers because he had just put himself out there, but he was able to just go and do it! No one telling him about the 8 degrees. I want something like that. Find something I love to do and just go do it. Making a life of it. The world is too critical for that nowadays. Current Mood: Needs Authenticity

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