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June 19th, 2009

10:53 am - Ads by Google My account names makes the ads have waffle products all over the place. It's been a depressing couple of days, which I find rather pathetic. So I unexpectedly had to pay 500 bucks on my car for the second time in less than a month. My mom still reimbursed me. I won't be bringing my magic cards to Olympia so I can't play, but Michael's going to be tweaking them to be super awesome, so that's good too. I think I'm just really frustrated with James' mother. I know all the reasons she only wants me to stay a week: For one thing I still don't think she really likes me. For another she sleeps in the room I take when I stay over, and she probably doesn't like giving up her bed. And she'd think herself a bad host if I crashed on the couch. But if it means I can stay longer, I am fine sleeping in the couch. I'd sleep on the wood floor or even in Jak if need be. I really don't care, it's only where I sleep. It irritates me to no end that James and I can't just sleep in the same bed because she doesn't trust either of us. I just...I hate it. I don't feel like it's worth coming up for the week if it means James' mom is going to unhappy of having to sleep in the same room as her husband. To be honest I kind of want to just go to Seattle. I don't see anyone when I'm in Seattle, and I kind of feel that way. I feel like I don't want to see anyone in the world because I only get disappointed or irritated or frustrated when I'm around people. If I had the money I'd just get a summer place in Olympia, and so I wouldn't be bothering James' mom, or Joanna's mom becaseu I know she gets stressed out when guests are over at her house. But once again, answers always seem to lie within money. I need to win that 46 million dollars. Current Mood: aggravated

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June 15th, 2009

10:17 pm - It Comes To My Attention Graduations are really long and boring. It doesn't help that I went to two over the weekend. I'm completely drained. I'm actually surprised I can type this right now, because my brain is just so scattered. My bio dad gave me a hundred bucks. Sucks for me because all that money is going toward gas and other things I need, rather than things I want. Oh well, I shouldn't complain about free money. But I'm going to eat and lie in bed for the rest of the night. I just need to veg out. Current Mood: blah

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June 6th, 2009

07:39 am - Final Countdown Almost there. Almost there. Just gotta write my essay today, then study my ass off until the finals on Monday, and then I'll be home free. But it's still a hell of a lot to have to deal with, especially the studying part because that includes having to read 100 pages of notes and texts. But I'll have to get it done this weekend for sure. For now, I wait to wake up more to write this essay, which will probably be craptastic, but my goal is to just get it finished. By the way, I think someone stole my rolls of toilet paper. I have no extras in my room. It sucks for someone who has to now keep going to the bathroom in order to blow their nose. I'm thinking there's got to be something in my room or in the house that I'm allergic or sensitive to, because I don't get stuffed up or sneeze nearly as much as when I'm in school. Boy I wish I could go back to sleep. Six hours last night. I don't know why I keep waking up so early. Been happening the last two weeks, but the naps haven't been helping much. Oh well, just a few more days. Oh, really happy for Lisa and Heather getting jobs. I feel kind of lame because I still don't have one from looking since fall, but I don't want to feel angry or jealous. They are in a different area then I am. No reason to have negative feelings toward them. Still, I wish my turn would come soon. Even if it was a shitty job like McDonalds. When I pick up my car, hopefully things will be easier. They'll have to be considering I'll have to start paying for gas again. Current Mood: groggy

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May 26th, 2009

08:26 am - Old Man Symptoms My back is still killing me. I was hoping it'd alleviate by today, but looks like I'll have to suffer with it through school. Ah! But on the bright side I just remembered that it's Tuesday and not Monday, so I only have on class to go to today. I should be scrambling to get my pen-pal letter finished though. It still isn't over a page, no matter how much I put in. I even talked about Lisa's birthday (which was a lot of fun). I'm not sure talking about the dolphin will translate well though. o_o; Ah well, it is what it is. Current Mood: In Pain

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May 18th, 2009

11:10 pm - Omnomnomnom I'm the leader of my group for the project we have to suddenly present on Friday. It really sucks. But, at least it will be out of the way for the weekend. I really want a doughnut. Also I doubt I will be able to get a ride to Oak Harbor this weekend like I was hoping, but it can't be helped. Funnings will just have to wait until June. Which, in hindsight isn't very far from now. Current Mood: pleased

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May 4th, 2009

09:25 pm - Bloop I'm still mad with myself for forgetting my cell charger in Oak Harbor. That is the worse timing ever. Meanwhile I am very lethargic. It's weird because I really want to do something, but anything that comes to mind doesn't interest me. Finished up the work I needed to do for James and Ragnarok Universe. Watched Bride Wars which got me thinking about weddings. I mean that already has been on my mind constantly because I just want to be at that stage already. I want to have money and a house and to be with James taking care of our kids. College life doesn't interest me like I thought it would. It's further pushed by the fact that I keep having dreams about being married and stuff. Love always seems to be the big topic anywhere I go. Even just talking to Trenton, that whole love deal came up last night. (Suffice to say, he got angry at me for being faithful with James). And then along with love is the whole idea of sex. Not sex sex, but just physical attraction, the idea of being close to someone, hugging, kissing, and that whole deal. Blah, it's just all that is on my mind (even in the RP which Heather refuses to post in to torture me is at a big romance point where suddenly a bajillion people are falling for another bajillion people. But the difference between my characters and I is that despite romantic issues, that really is their only unhappiness. With everything else, they are doing exactly what they want. They don't have to do things they don't feel like, don't have to worry about money. You know, life in anime and manga are very simple and pleasant that way. Even if it's a school setting, does it ever really feel like school is such a big struggle? Even those doing poorly in class (there's always at least one), they always turn out okay in the end. And then what? They live happily. They don't have to worry about majoring in something, getting a degree, getting a well paying job so that they won't be homeless bums. Anime makes me very frustrated suddenly. I just need a knack. But even then, is my knack to the point that I could make a living off of it? Certainly not if I wanted to, say, write a novel. You can't write a book unless you have 8 English degrees, know exactly when it is and is not appropriate to use commas, and on top of that, know people who already have their foot in the novelist door. I envy James in that sense. He likes designing websites. He knows how to do it. And he knows it's what he wants to do in life. Right now he has a business of being a graphic designer. Sure he doesn't get many customers because he had just put himself out there, but he was able to just go and do it! No one telling him about the 8 degrees. I want something like that. Find something I love to do and just go do it. Making a life of it. The world is too critical for that nowadays. Current Mood: Needs Authenticity

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April 25th, 2009

10:58 pm - []: Balkaroff is an asshole. I wash my hands of you. Also, you make the most ridiculous, stupid threats known to man. [Edit]: Took out part of rant for PG viewing. Current Mood: Angry Face!

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April 19th, 2009

09:15 pm - It'll Be Tough Today was a busy day, and this week won't be much better. Had to clean my room today, shortly followed by my parent's first visit to see me down here. We went down to Pike Place, ate at Ivar's, and got 60 bucks for spending money. Mom bought me new clothes (a very random assortment of clothing by the way. Shorts and a heavy winter jacket? I did get pajamas that look like scrubs though which is kind of neat.) brought me Filipino food. After that I had to redo FAFSA, though it won't do much good because my parents still make too much for me to get any real financial aid. Of course Brett pins the financial thing on me, like I have any idea of what I'm doing. But the irritation probably came from my waking up with a headache this morning, and to this very moment still lingers. After being dropped off, I lied around awhile trying to get rid of said headache, only to end in failure and remembering a bunch of homework that needs to be done: 80 pages of The Crooked Line, 15 pages of Culture & Sexuality, an essay outline for The Namesake, and studying for an exam in Human Sexuality tomorrow as well as a comprehension test in Korean. And that's just the start of it. Monday - Human Sexuality exam, Korean test, fix resume, pay rent, work on essay Tuesday - Korean test, Job interview, Laundry, Wednesday - Korean test, essay Thursday - Go to Asian Art Museum + write follow up paper, essay Friday - Essay due And this is just what I know of thus far. Of course more homework will be piled on top of this. The job interview by the way is not an official interview (that I know of). I have to apply in person to the building that is hiring for various jobs at the Space Needle. Hopefully I will get the job, but we'll see how things go. If I do get it, I will have to figure out how to get my car here. Hopefully I don't keep this crazy schedule otherwise I'm screwed on having a job. But I guess if I have to, I will pound myself into the ground to balance everything. If I can a job there, I can be doing anything from elevator operator to ticket seller, all of which pay at least 10 dollars an hour. Pray for me and give me all the luck in the world to land this job. I'm swallowing all my fear here to hop on a bus alone to downtown and entering a potential interview for this. Oh, at one point I had to stop working on my outline because of my headache and so I drew on my hand. Here are the results: I've babbled long enough. Time to go back to work. Current Mood: worried

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April 13th, 2009

10:43 pm - The Return Of Mundane Life It's really hard to go from flashy costumes and doing as you please back to unwanted college life. It was fun to see Lisa and Heather, even if I was cranky a lot from being stressed about getting places on time and what not. Still, I'd trade the everyday of hardly eating, running around in uncomfortable shoes, and maneuvering a huge cart through a crowd any day. At least it's a lot more exciting than sitting in class, learning things I really don't care to learn. Being at Sakura-Con definitely gives me a feeling of being in a video game. And how fun that is! But now I have to read and work on a paper. Damn. Current Mood: hungry

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March 31st, 2009

10:06 pm - No U I don't know why it bothers me so much that James is out hanging with his best friend Corey and some girl (I will assume is Amy). He wasn't home at 8 so naturally I was worried. Called a couple of times and got not answer. Even called the house to find out he was at Corey's. Finally James calls and...well he it feels like he hardly paid attention to me. He was so occupied with laughing at whatever Corey and the girl were saying. I don't know why it bothers me that he was having a good time. I should be happy that it sounded like he was having fun. I know that Corey is going through a tough time with his mother being terminally ill, and it had been awhile since they had spoken or hung out together, so I should have been happy to hear that he was with Corey and having fun. Except I'm not. I'm jealous. James never laughs like that when I'm around. He never really laughs at anything I say or thinks it's genuinely funny. It makes me sad to think that I can't make him happy like that. Makes me wonder if he has fun with me. He loves me, I know that. Often he just wants to lie down in bed and kiss and cuddle, I get it. But that's not the same as playing games together or something--usually he's doing his own thing and I'm doing mine. It really bothers me. And Korean is already kicking my ass. James says I just need to practice more, but how can it all be about practice? I would study every night. I try to form sentences and conversations in my head, and yet I can hardly remember anything and will most likely bomb the conversation I have to have with the teacher on Friday. I wanted to learn Korean for James and his family, but telling me to practice more doesn't give me that supportive feeling. I absolutely loathe Korean. If it weren't for Korean, I'd probably actually enjoy this quarter. My other two classes are actually fun, interesting, and I don't get this overwhelming feeling of self hatred and believing I totally suck like I do in Korean. But it's Spring quarter and should stick Korean out because if I pass the class then I'll have my language requirement done for general ed. But it doesn't look like I will continue Korean. Or any other language for that matter. Korean has pretty much killed my interest for foreign languages. But if I don't major in Korean, what then? Becoming an English major has crossed my mind--be smart like Lisa and become an English major so that people will believe me to be a credible writer. But what if the same thing happens? There's one thing to fight for what you want regardless of what people say to you, but it's another thing to feel totally defeated by what you originally wanted to be. By the way, I bought my milk today, but forgot the eggs. That really takes the cake--mostly because without the eggs I can't bake the damn cake. Current Mood: disappointed

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March 29th, 2009

08:01 pm - Sad Face It's official, spring break is now over. James just left and I am a sad individual. Now it's back to schoolwork and the horrid ear-rape that is lectures. Just two weeks until Sakura-Con. Come faster. >_ Current Mood: tired

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March 21st, 2009

09:37 am - Good Times! This Spring break is fantastic thus far. I mean even during finals week, when I was out of school and had free time, I meet 3 great people, have a blast with them, and then going to Oak Harbor was just as fun. Hopefully the rest of my break in Olympia will keep this good streak up. Today I'll be going to the mall with my mommy to watch a movie, which will be super fun. Dawn will be there but eh... Anyway, time to make some phone calls and what not. Wish you were here, Lisa! Current Mood: Happy To Be With Friends!

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March 16th, 2009

09:31 pm - Picccttturrreee Took pictures of myself today. :D I was thinking about putting them on here, but then I figured you guys wouldn't be that interested in seeing them so. Went to turn in my final today, then hung out with Brian and went to dinner with him and a bunch of his friends. I really liked meeting them, especially the ones I sat next to. They were really cool and fun to talk to. They have a very similar energy as Brian and I when we interact, so it was fun to be around them. But now I'm kinda tired so I'm probably gonna make cocoa and then in a bit head to bed. Tomorrow I get to help Asian Lisa move around furniture at her house to help for when she has guests, and then I'll probably do some studying for my last final on Wednesday. I should be in Oak Harbor Thursday afternoon. Also, congrats to Lisa for being accepted for the Oxford study! I knew she'd get it. I have a feeling that she will have a blast there. Hopefully she remembers to bring me goodies! <3 Current Mood: thirsty

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March 11th, 2009

06:51 pm - I Feel Like A Lizard Do you ever see something at the edges of your view, and you find it's something sticking out from your face? like a strand of hair or something? I've been getting a lot of that lately, but whenever I wipe at it, I still see something. It's really annoying. ]:< Also, my cheek is really dry so the skin feels scaly. It's gross. Also also, I have a nasty blemish from being stressed out. I haven't had one on my face in like...forever. By the way, since I am bored out of my mind, I've been doing optional reading homework. I am so sad. Ah, so the result of my skit yesterday: As I predicted, I was super slow at reciting them. My last line I forgot halfway through so had to have that read for me. But whatever, I'm not worried. Today was also the oral part of the final in Korean, and I screwed that up too. Luckily Sunseingnim was looking down at his paper the entire time, so he didn't see my partner mouthing the lines to me. But again, I kinda stopped caring. At least tomorrow I only have one class to go to. Busy day. If Becca says yes to picking me up at 2, I'll be doing laundry, but between class and that, I have to run over to Melanya's and pick up my tupperware. I've had a headache on and off today, and have been getting hungry every couple of hours again. I really wish I had bananas. But I had an orange today! It was super juicy and nom nom. Oh, here's something interesting that happened to me today: My morning lecture was let out 40 minutes early, so my oral partner and I meet up outside the Korean classroom to practice. It's getting near the time we have to test, and other people are gathering around, waiting for their classes to start. Well since I was freaking out, I was spouting random Korean lines, and suddenly I hear someone chuckle behind me. I turn to see some boy. Since he's laughing, I assume he's Korean, but I asked anyway. Me: "Ah, so you are Korean then? You know Korean?" Boy: "Yeah." Me: "I sound horrible, don't I?" Boy: "You sound cute." I couldn't help but laugh, because it wasn't a response I was expecting. So I go on babbling a bit with my parnter, knowing full well that he's listening in. Eventually I get frustrated and comment "well I'm Filipina, not Korean, I don't know this stuff." He perked right up. Boy: "You are Filipina?" Me: "Yeah." Boy: "Oh! I was in the Philippines for four years! I went to high school there. What part did you come from?" Me: "Bagio City." Boy: *REALLY excited voice that I can't figure out how to type out. Something like a crazy/happy laugh* "I was in Bagio!" So I guess we made each others' day. It's cool. Oh, and I followed a link that Lisa's friend left on Facebook. This group called Improv Everywhere is simply amazing. I watched all their videos. I shall post my favorite ones: Frozen Grand Station (watch in HD if you can) and Look Up More. I wish I could participate in a lot of these awesome missions they do. If you get a chance, visit improveverywhere.com. Look Up More (extended) from ImprovEverywhere on Vimeo. Current Mood: accomplished

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March 10th, 2009

09:57 am - *Shakes Head* So here's what happened: I woke up two hours early to get stuff ready for the skit today. I'm going, I'm going, and I look at the clock. I didn't know someone had changed the clocks in the kitchen to the right time, so when it said 8:40, I thought it was 9:40. So I'm thinking "shit, I'm going to be late!" I start racing to get everything together and head out the door. I'm going as fast as I can, worried about being late for class. I see people just getting out of class so I thought "good, I'm just in time." But when I get to the class, it's empty. People in the class before me are sitting outside. I walk in, thinking maybe they just stayed behind after their class, but then why was no one else from my class there? I looked at the clock on the wall, says 9:45. "Did the school clock not get changed? Oh wait.." I looked at my cellphone clock. Lo and behold, it says 9:25, which I KNOW is the correct time. Instead of being late, I was an hour early. I feel like an idiot. And the soy sauce I brought leaked all over the bag I was carrying it in. ): I have my lines memorized, but am very slow to recall them. Hopefully things will go okay. I am so tired. Current Mood: embarrassed

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March 8th, 2009

09:07 pm - D: Damn You Skit I am having a damn hard time memorizing my lines for the Korean skit. We don't perform until Tuesday, but I need to know my lines for tomorrow when I practice with the rest of my group. I have the longest lines though so I'm all blahhhhh. Also, I have been super clingy with James as of late. I hope he isn't going crazy by it. I am just really in need of his presence. ): But it's still a week and a half until I get to see him. Spring break needs to come faster. Meanwhile, I have eaten a ridiculous amount of food today. I swear, I have been eating like every hour or two. As I've mentioned to Lisa, I think something is really bugging me if I'm eating this much, but I haven't figured out what. Memorizing the script could be it, but something is telling me that it's something else. Current Mood: I Play The Bad Guy

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March 4th, 2009

10:15 pm - Mul Jusaeyo I think this is the first time I haven't done homework until ridiculous hours of the night. But it doesn't make me feel any better, because I still have a crazy week next week. Stupid school. Anyway, I just ate my last hotdog, which makes me sad. Now I have no meat to eat with rice. /sob Friday, Shannon, Michael, Christal and James are supposed to come over to work on costumes, and then afterward we're all going to Uwajimaya. So hopefully I can get some Filipino foods there. I only have 10 bucks I can spend, but that will be something. Mmm, other than school, not much has really been going on in my life. Just school school school school school. But I need to apply for that Safeway job again. Just not sure if I should wait until after Spring quarter starts, when I have an idea of how my schedule will work out and everything. Then again, maybe I should just pray to get the job and then work things out later. I need to wash my dishes but Josh is in the kitchen. *sigh* He's such a slob. Always leaves a god damn mess. I seriously don't know how he could make it so dirty. The older lady mysteriously moved out the other night, so it's just me and him. It makes me painfully aware of when he's around. Current Mood: grumpy

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February 23rd, 2009

11:48 am - Strangest Commercial Ever I'm sitting in the HUB (student center/cafeteria), specifically in the TV Lounge. it just played a commercial where it's just trees and then words like "clean," "affordable," "safe," come up. Turns out it's a commercial for "Smart Cremation." o_o You're burning a body to ash, how unsafe and expensive could it possibly be that you would need an alternative? Also, on my way to the HUB, I saw the strangest sign. There are always clubs and what not out on the brick area, advertising for events or the club in general. Today there are a lot of Christian organizations out, because of Easter. That's all fine and dandy, but one of them had the most awkward banner: Crusade for Christ! I immediately followed with an "Oh my god" after reading that. They seemed to have forgotten that the words Christ and Crusade shouldn't be put together, considering past historical events which left many dead. But then I had to laugh about it, because of my reaction. Like I said, good for them to advertise for Easter Week, but maybe they shoulda done a little more planning with the poster. In the meantime, I have most of my homework done for today (even getting a little done for what's due tomorrow), so I'll be sitting in the HUB until 4 or so (meeting my Korean partner). I also have to go out to dinner tonight with the Korean group. D: Damn monies. I don't know if I should use a little of the money my mom sent me to order actual food or not. I don't want to spend money, but it's going to be super awkward if I'm the only one not eating. By the way, this spring weather stuff is getting on my nerves! Waking me up with its morning light and what not ]: < N Also, I've been listening to the same 5 songs for the past 4 days. Doki and Nabi are like...INFUSED into my mind. God damn how I wish I could just burst into an awesomely choreographed dance. Current Mood: devious

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February 22nd, 2009

02:45 pm - Sunday Posting Doing homework as usual. My mouse has been super fail these last few days. But there really isn't anything I can do to fix it since it's a lazer mouse. I cleaned the eye out, but that didn't do anything. I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Winter quarter ends in a few weeks so, naturally, my teachers have piled an unbelievable amount of work on me. I was also taking a look at Spring Quarter's list of classes, and there really isn't anything I want to take. Looks like I'll be stuck with hated classes again. Sucks to be me. Current Mood: working

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February 19th, 2009

05:48 pm - My Rendition Thought I'd try my hand at this, since this will probably the most interesting day for a long time to come. A side note: The laptop in slide 3 was not mine. It was a girl's a row up and seat over from me. I just happen to be able to see everything on her screen. She was watching a Japanese drama with Taiwanese subtitles. And though I couldn't hear what was going on, it was still entertaining. I think an office man and high school girl switched bodies, but I'm not sure. Current Mood: amused

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