Fanmix: When You're Evil
Medium: Roleplaying
Fandom: real-life
Subject: The Gamemaster
Title: When You're Evil
Notes: A soundtrack for everyone's favorite killer GM. Zartram the Merciless will now accept your homage.





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1) The Imperial March, John Williams.
Every GM's theme song.

2) The Bitch is Back, Elton John
I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch
Oh, the bitch is back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
`cause I'm better than you
It's the way that I move
The things that I do
"The GM is here, bitches. Let the game begin."

3) Brand New Day, Neil Patrick Harris
It’s a brand new day
Yeah, the sun is high
All the angels sing
Because you’re gonna die
Go ahead and laugh
Yeah I’m a funny guy
Tell everyone goodbye
"Oh, man, this is such a great adventure, you guys are gonna love it."
"So... we should roll up some new characters then?"

4) Be Prepared, Jeremy Irons
It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares
"Here, guys, a plot hook! OF DOOM."

5) What a Fucking Lovely Day! Stephin Merrit
It's my favorite time of year
for a spree of crime and fear
It's a joy just to breathe
and to scheme, and to seethe
what a fucking lovely day!
"You're all down to zero hit points? My goodness. What a surprise."

6) Evil Laugh, Seanan McGuire
My laugh is an evil laugh! Ha ha ha ha DIE.
It's been really swell, but now it's time to say goodbye.
My sudden inevitable betrayal was the only way we could end this tale...
My laugh is an evil laugh. Ha ha ha ha DIE.
Every GM's best skill.

7) When You're Good to Mama, Queen Latifah
Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you.
There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you.
"The GM is now accepting bribes including but not limited to chocolate, ponies, and hot naked people of the gender of the GM's choice."

8) When You're Evil, Voltaire
And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need
"Your bribes are insufficient..."

9) Never Split the Party, Emerald Rose
Don't you know? You never split the party
Clerics in the back to keep those fighters hale and hearty
The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light
And you never let that damn thief out of sight...
"...and anyway y'all made a huge mistake."

10) Poisoning Pigeons In The Park, Tom Lehrer
All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.
Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of players weeping. Music to a GM's ears.

11) In the Dark of the Night, Anastasia
In the dark of the night terror will strike her! (Terror's the least I can do!)
In the dark of the night evil will brew. Ooh!
Soon she will feel that her nightmares are real.
In the dark of the night, she'll be through!
Endgame; the GM's plans are falling into place, and the players are so screwed.

12) The USS Make Sh*t Up, Voltaire
And I say...
Bounce the graviton particle beam off the Main Deflector Dish
That's the way we do things lad! We're makin' shit up as we wish.
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us!
Cuz if we find we're in a bind, we'll just make some shit up!
And then some clever smartass says, "Hey, what if..."

13) The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, Lemon Demon
This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
The players win via "Summon Chuck Norris." Which isn't fair, but what can you do?

14) The Imperial March (Rage Mix)-- Star Wars: Force Commander
There's always next session. Yeeeesss....