Fanmix: falling is like this
Medium: Books
Fandom: Lois McMaster Bujold’s Miles Vorkosigan series
Subject: Cordelia Naismith/Aral Vorkosigan
Title: Falling Is Like This
Warnings: Huge spoilers for Shards of Honor.
Notes: A soundtrack for a love story. All quotes are from Shards of Honor, by Lois McMaster Bujold, and thus spoil the book very badly.




zip with all songs and art

1) The Meeting: First Sight, Trevor Morris
[instrumental]
“It first occurred to me when I saw you in the ravine.”
“What, throwing up in the mud?”
He grinned at that. “With great composure. By the time we finished burying your officer, I knew.”

2) The Journey: Falling is Like This, Ani diFranco
You give me that look that's like laughing
with liquid in your mouth
like you're choosing between choking
and spitting it all out
like you're trying to fight gravity
on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this
“I…” he began, and trailed off. “You’re not what I expected a female officer to be.”
“Oh? Well, you’re not what I expected a Barrayaran officer to be, either, so I guess that makes two of us.”

3) Proposal: Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
“I thought, perhaps, when we arrive on Barrayar, and you are free, you might consider staying…not a visit. Permanently. As—as Lady Vorkosigan.”
…
She wondered where the phrase about hearts leaping up came from; it felt far more like the bottom dropping out of her stomach.

4) Cordelia Leaves: Sacrifice, Christophe Beck
[instrumental]
Last chance to leave a message for Vorkosigan—no. The absurdity of transmitting the words “I love you” through Tafas’s mouth shook her with painful inward laughter. “My compliments” sounded rather swelled-headed, under the circumstances; “my regards,” too cold; as for the simplest of all, “yes”…

5) The Interval: Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning), Vertical Horizon
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring…
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
“You saved my clothes?”
“As you see.”
“Good heavens. Uh—why?”
His mouth crimped ruefully. “Well—it was all you left.”

6) The Lovers at Escobar: Head Over Heels, Yiruma
[instrumental]
She sighed shakily at the sight of him, and the paralyzing panic streamed out of her in that long breath…
His lips moved silently around the shape of her name, and he entered, a sudden panic in his face almost matching her own.

7) The Battle of Escobar: Winterborn, Cruxshadows
Discard regret, that in this debt
A better world is made
That children of a newer day might remember
And avoid our fate
And in the fury of this darkest hour
We will be your light
You've asked me for my sacrifice
And I am Winter born
He stared into the snow, then reran the transmission, transfixing it with a frightening expression, grief and rage and nausea mixed…
“It’s—“ Venne had to clear his throat, “it’s confirmed. The Prince’s flagship has been—obliterated. There’s nothing left but debris. You’re in command now, sir.”

8) I Can’t Take Barrayar: So Close, Jon McLaughlin
We are so close
To reaching that famous happy ending
Almost believing this one’s not pretending
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
“You are—you are—I don’t know what you are. But I need it. Will you marry me?”
She sighed, and laid her head upon her knees, twisting a grass stem around her fingers. “I love you. You know that, I hope. But I can’t take Barrayar. Barrayar eats its children.”

9) We Really Must Do Something About Our Eyes: The Atheist Christmas Carol, Vienna Teng
It's the season of scars and of wounds in the heart
Of feeling the full weight of our burdens
It's the season of bowing our heads in the wind
And knowing we are not alone in fear
Not alone in the dark
Don't forget
Don't forget I love
I love
I love you
He took her in his arms, and they kissed, for the first time, for a long time.
“Oh,” she muttered after. “Perhaps that was a mistake. It hurts so much when you stop.”
“Well, let me…” His hand stroked her hair gently, then desperately wrapped itself in a shimmering coil; they kissed again.

10) Suicide By Alcohol: Soldier of Fortune, Deep Purple
But I feel I’m growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill going round
I guess I’ll always be
A soldier of fortune
“You’ll have to give up this suicide-by-alcohol thing, you know.”
He cocked his head. “I thought I was being subtle.”
“Not noticeably.”

11) Home to Beta Colony: Exile, Kate Rusby and Kathryn Roberts
and I can dream before the break of day
that I'm back with you again
then the morning blows it all away
and leaves an echo of your name
and still a thousand miles lies between us
and we're waking up alone
what if I could cross a hundred borders
there's no going home
That night, in her weariness and loneliness, she sat down to write her first letter to Vorkosigan. She threw away her original attempt halfway through, when she realized his mail was probably read by other eyes, perhaps Illyan’s. Her second was more neutrally worded. She made it handwritten, on paper, and being alone kissed it before she sealed it, then smiled wryly at herself for doing so. A paper letter was far more expensive to ship to Barrayar than an electronic one, but he would handle it, as she had. It was as close to a touch as they could come.

12) Returning: Look into the Air, Explosions in the Sky
[instrumental]
Alone at last, she leaned her forehead against the cool smooth plastic side of a packing case, and wept silently for herself.

13) Reunion: She Was There, Douglas Sills (Scarlet Pimpernel OBC)
All at once, I felt a chill
In a spill of moonlight, she was there
Though we both held very still
There was something pulling in the air
His eyes snapped open. “You,” he said hoarsely after a moment, “are not a hallucination.”

14) Marriage: Lullaby, Dixie Chicks
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
“Can you, ah—stay long?”
There was a hesitant hunger in his face, soundless desire suppressed by uncertainty. We have hesitated so long, she thought, it’s become a habit. Then it dawned on her that he feared she might only be visiting…
“As long as you like…I can’t go back. I resigned my commission—mailed it in from Escobar—and everything I own is in the back of that flyer down there.”
She savored the delight that ignited his eyes during this speech, as it finally penetrated that she was here to stay. It contented her.

15) Forever: Life Less Ordinary, Carbon Leaf
The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
By the way, I do know why you stayed away...
I will keep tongue-tied next time
He stirred beside her, and pulled the sheet tenderly up over her bare shoulder, tenting them together... “Ezar had been questioning me about you, in our argument about Escobar. Implied that you had affected my nerve, for the worse. I didn’t know then if I’d ever see you again. He wanted to know what I saw in you. I told him…” he paused again, and then continued almost shyly, “that you poured out honor like a fountain, all around you.”

Bonus Song
Miles Vorkosigan: Bigger Than My Body, John Meyer