Fic: The Sound of Silence
Title: The Sound of Silence
Fandom: The Sarah Jane Adventures
Spoilers: Explicit ones for Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane? and oblique ones for The Lost Boy, Eye of the Gorgon, and Invasion of the Bane.
Rating: PG
Summary: Some nightmares, a conversation, and a couple of hooligans.
Notes: Written for doyle_sb4 for the Sarah Jane Adventures ficathon (hi, doyle! I'm not stalking you, I swear), who wanted either a followup to Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane or Clyde and Luke in trouble. I aims to please. Enjoy! Beta'd by imsanehonest, title only a little nicked.


They didn’t talk about it for the longest time.

For starters, Maria wasn’t even sure that Sarah Jane wanted to talk about it. She’d tried to forget it herself. But she still dreamt of white-grey fog, woke up screaming and couldn’t explain to her dad why she was so afraid.

Sarah Jane would understand— she had been there too. But Sarah Jane might want to forget it as much as Maria did, and Maria really couldn’t blame her if she did.

Then they’d had that mess with Mr. Smith and the Slitheen. Maria couldn’t exactly say that her nightmares were more important than Luke getting kidnapped, or the moon nearly smashing into the Earth. There was always one crisis after another; no time, really, for talking over things dead and gone.

Maria winced. Bad choice of words, even if they’d only been in her head.

She was scared, though. The nightmares weren’t going away, and she didn’t know what to do.

She stared out the window, wondering if she wanted to go watch a movie or something. It had been a dull, quiet, tired Saturday, nightmares all the night before, and grey not-quite-rain all morning. Her dad was out somewhere, probably grocery shopping. Maybe she ought to get a snack, or a book. Something.

Luke and Clyde trotted across her range of vision just then, and she blinked. She could catch up with them, she supposed, but she couldn’t quite muster up the energy to move. Besides, Luke and Clyde invariably ended up either causing trouble or talking about girls, and Maria wasn’t feeling up to either one right now.

She wondered if Sarah Jane was working, and decided that she probably was. It would explain why Luke and Clyde were off, at any rate.

Poor Sarah Jane. It hadn’t been an easy couple of months. First a son out of nowhere, then a gang of teenagers decided to make her their mentor (Maria felt only vaguely guilty about that, though, and only occasionally, because Sarah Jane seemed to be enjoying them so much). Then those teenagers constantly getting into alien trouble, then being erased from the timeline by the actions of a friend, and being lost in that white blank space… Maria shuddered, and got up.

She’d had enough of this. It was time to talk to Sarah Jane.

---

“I need to talk,” Maria said, as soon as the door opened.

Sarah Jane gave her a puzzled look, but said, “All right, come in. I’ll put the kettle on.”

Maria wandered into the living room and smiled, comforted by the warm colors and familiar decorations. She ran her fingers over the books, picked up a carved elephant and put it back. It might be grey and dull outside, but it was always warm in Sarah Jane’s house.

She didn’t want to go upstairs, though. She still wasn’t sure if she trusted Mr. Smith. And it was too quiet in the house, with Luke and Clyde gone. She was used to being here with two boys thumping around, being big and noisy and scattering bookbags and shoes everywhere. Clyde seemed to account for nearly as much of the mess as Luke, despite not living there.

Weird. If anything, that noise and mess should mean chaos to her. Boys mucking things up and shoving things around. Not quiet, not still cold white mist, not an endless nothing so still she wanted to scream just to fill up the silence…

Sarah Jane came back in with tea, and smiled at her. “We’re all alone, I’m afraid. Luke and Clyde have gone.”

“I know, I saw them.” Maria took a cup and held it, comforted by the warmth in her hands. It helped to push the white away.

“Mm.” Sarah Jane sat down across from her and picked up her own cup, but did not drink. “What did you need to talk about, Maria?”

She remembered that Maria said need. A small particle of reassurance. Maria took a deep breath, and said, “I’ve been having nightmares.”

Sarah Jane sat straighter, and put her tea back down. “Nightmares? About what?”

“That place,” Maria said, and winced, folded her arms across her stomach. “You know.”

“Yes,” Sarah Jane said, quietly. “How long has this been going on?”

Maria shrugged. “Since it happened, practically. Dad’s starting to think I’m sick.” She thought a moment, then added, “Or crazy. I’m not sure he’s not right.”

“You’re not crazy.” Sarah Jane sighed. “I haven’t had nightmares, but I haven’t been sleeping very much either. And Luke…”

“Luke?” Maria cocked her head, confused. What did Luke have to do with anything?

Sarah Jane was staring out the window, her eyes distant. “He has nightmares,” she said, simply. “But he doesn’t know what they’re about when he wakes up. I’m not sure whether to be glad or sorry.”

“Glad,” Maria said, positively. “He’s only got it when he’s sleeping. I think about it all the time. Do you?”

A long, stressed pause. “Yes,” Sarah Jane said, at last. “That, and Andrea… we were so close, and to think of her there…”

Andrea. Maria had forgotten about Andrea. But then Andrea had sent her to the nightmare-limbo, and she didn’t have loving memories to soften the edges of that one sharp fact.

“So do we go there when we die?” she asked, hesitantly, not sure why she was asking it.

Sarah Jane shrugged. “I don’t know. I did.”

Something about that seemed wrong. “But you weren’t meant to die!”

“No one was meant to die on that pier, Maria,” Sarah Jane said, sharply. “Not me, not Andrea, no one. It was stupid and pointless and certainly not intended in some grand plan. If she died instead of me, it was blind chance.”

Blind chance. Maria looked down at her cup. Blind chance. So much of that whole stupid episode had been blind chance—the soothsayer, the hooded figure, the Grask, Andrea, her dad finding the box, all blind chance, and if only one thing had gone wrong, or hadn’t happened…

“I’m sorry,” Sarah Jane said, startling Maria out of her reverie. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“It’s all right. I was only thinking.” Maria caught at her lip with her teeth. “Only… what if something had gone wrong?”

Sarah Jane snorted. “Seems to me like nothing went right,” she muttered.

“No, I know, but I mean, what we went through putting things right. What if something had gone wrong?” Maria looked down at her tea, blinking back totally unexpected and thoroughly silly tears. “What if my dad hadn’t found the box? Or if he hadn’t managed to get away from the Grask? Or if Andrea didn’t…”

“If,” Sarah Jane said, settling on the couch besides Maria and putting her arm around the younger girl’s shoulders, “if any of that had happened, then someone would have put it right eventually. You can’t make a hole in the universe that big and expect no one to notice.” She hugged Maria’s shoulders tightly. “We’re not all alone here, Maria. There’s UNIT, and even those incompetents in Cardiff get something right on rare occasions.”

Maria giggled. Sarah Jane was not terribly fond of Torchwood in any of its incarnations. “And the Doctor? Would he have noticed?”

Sarah Jane went still, and then, in a cheerful tone completely at odds with her face, said, “Oh, he’s clever enough to have sorted it, I suppose, if things got completely out of hand. But you, my brave and clever girl, you and your dad managed to fix it without any problems at all. I think the Doctor may have been overkill.” She chuckled, and it sounded forced. “He only comes for the real emergencies.”

Maria blinked up at Sarah Jane. That was not her most convincing performance ever. “Did the man in the hood threaten him?”

A moment’s pause went by, then Sarah Jane relaxed, and laughed a little more naturally. “I shouldn’t try to lie to you. Yes, he did. I don’t think that he could have hurt the Doctor. But I’ll always wonder… we don’t know that he’s dead, you know.”

“I don’t think he is,” Maria said, and shivered.

Sarah Jane hugged her again. “There, now. It didn’t work this time, it won’t work another time. I suppose he’s gone off somewhere else now.”

“Somebody else’s problem.”

“Yes.” Sarah Jane hesitated. “You know, limbo… even if we do go there when we die, Maria, there’ll be others there. You and I were there together, for a while. Andrea must be there now. It won’t be lonely.”

Sarah Jane didn’t sound entirely certain, but Maria let it comfort her anyway.

The door slammed, and both of them jumped. Clyde and Luke pelted into the room and dove behind the couch at approximately the same time as someone began banging on the door, shouting, “I know you’re in there, you hooligans!”

Maria blinked.

Sarah Jane jumped to her feet and glared at the cowering boys, arms akimbo. “What have you done?”

“Don’t look at me!” Clyde yelped.

At about the same time, Luke wailed, “I didn’t know! It was thumping in Morse!”

“Thumping?” Sarah Jane and Maria chorused.

Clyde, ignoring all of them, went on, “It’s only ‘cause of me we got back at all!”

“Oh, good God,” Sarah Jane said. “All right, all three of you stay here. Maria, try to keep them from destroying anything for five minutes, please.”

Maria giggled. “I’ll do my best. It’s a bit hard though.”

“Oi!”

“Mum!”

“Hooligans!”

Sarah Jane threw up her hands and went to deal with the door.

Maria grinned over the couch at Luke and Clyde. “You two. Can’t you stay out of trouble?”

Clyde glowered at her. “We’re boys, aren’t we? Whole point’s to get in trouble. Least I don’t blow up the planet for fun like some boys do.”

“I have never blown up the planet!” Luke objected, looking hurt. “I only nearly smashed it once, and that wasn’t even my fault really.”

“Save it for Sarah Jane,” Maria said. The shouting from the door was already starting to decrease. “You’re in for it, both of you.”

“Luke’s in for it…” Clyde started, then yelped. “Hey!”

Luke, who had punched him, looked astonished and a little pleased. “Did you see that, Maria? I did it right!”

“I didn’t teach you to punch so you could hit me, I taught you so you could hit nuns who try to kidnap you!” Clyde was starting to shout. Maria slumped back over the couch, grinning, and left them to it.

Sarah Jane was right. They weren’t alone, and there was no sense worrying about what was over. The nightmares would pass, now.

Besides, Maria was fairly certain that if Clyde and Luke ever got to that limbo-place again, it wouldn’t be quiet for long.