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Congrats on de-lurking & posting your first fic. Welcome.

I didn't want this to end. I definitely wanted to keep reading. KEEP WRITING!

"Bill, what the frak were you thinking?" Laura's voice scaled up on 'frak' and didn't come down.

(Very good line above.)

He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. "She was going to kill my men, Madam President." Best to put the conversation back on a professional footing. Best not to pull Laura between him and Cain. She had enough to worry about now that... his heart caught and stumbled and he barely managed to continue his sentence. "I had no choice but to go and get them."

(Strong paragraph above.)

Over her... oh, no. Oh, Laura. She was not offering what he thought she was--she couldn't be. He wouldn't let her. "There is no one above her."

"The hell there isn't. I'm the President, Bill. That makes me Commander in Chief, remember? Just because I let you--"

"No one," he said, interrupting her as gently as he could, "that she'll listen to."

Laura was unmoved. "She'll listen to me," she said, grimly, and Bill had no doubt that she meant it.

(Love the above--wish we would have actually seen it in the show...)

He abandoned all hope of keeping this on a professional level and lowered his voice. "Laura, you cannot get in the middle of this." You're too sick, he didn't say. She's too ruthless.

"Is it too military for me?" she asked, in that deceptively sweet tone that meant she was about to hurt someone. He'd last heard her use it on Ellen Tigh. Which probably meant that she'd heard what he didn't say but always thought, and resented it deeply.

(Fabulous above. What he didn't say--wonderful.)

He did not say don't get in the middle of this. He did not say stay out of it.

Or Cain will kill you, he did not say. But he was sure of it.

(2 lines above--EXCELLENT.)

Be proud of your first BSG fic. You did good.

Bravo.