| GAH!!! |
[23 Feb 2009|05:52pm] |
I hate my day
More or less I hate it when people over react. Colene went on DA (art site) well it was logged on my account and she did not look but went to the images that were waiting as you can watch other people and see what they post. Well she found a image from a person who does hentai as in large boobs and thin body so she thinks I am watching them due to that...
NO I am not, they also make very pretty and good art works from different things like FF7 and a few other fan fics but she does not even think that. I just looked to see why I watch the person was remember all this AFTER she leaves for school storming off.
I hate it when people over react. As when she told me all this after getting me from school she was yelling in the car at me. GAH
I watch over 100 people due to different tastes some in art, some in photos. Even if most are more adult theme idea I still like and prefer some of the more pretty things that does not deal with nude bodies.
So now I have to wait until she gets home and odds are she will just think of all the bad things I could be doing and she most likely won't listen to me or see why I watch them...
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| WHEEE!!! |
[22 Feb 2009|07:43pm] |
I am not the type that really updates a ton of journals per day but today it seems I am, blah cleaned house today. It was fun to say the least as Carol who can be a bitch was well being bitchy at everything I did. Making rude remarks or just being an ass on what or how I did it.
Did not really sleep well, had odd dreams last night but I can't remember much just a child like voice saying things and a bell. (I hate the sound of an hand held bell by the way)
Updated some of my poems, I use to write more often but I am debating to take them down as they are rather sad and well bad in my view.
Gah I hate the smell of bleach and right now I still smell it. I think I want to live without any pets other then one not thousands.
There was more on what I was going to say but my mind keeps going to an shower which I might go take. Hot water sounds fun.
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| Poems |
[22 Feb 2009|07:25pm] |
Going to post a few of my poems that I made, some are from a few years ago and a few were made a few weeks ago. Yeah umm so here you go. Yes they do deal a lot with death and pain.
Wounds of the past:
Drip Drip Drip
I hurt myself
I cut myself deeply in my soul and mind
I knew what I did was wrong but I had to change it
They all said I should not do it
But I had to I could not let that happened
I paid the price for what I did
Drop Drip Drip
I hurt myself back then
I had cut myself deeply in my soul and mind
I am still injured by what I did
I paid a price for my actions
I am still paying the price for what I did
Drip Drip Drip
It is not healing
It is still the same cut
Blood and pain are falling from the wound
Drip Drip Drip
This wound is still bleeding
Will this wound ever heal
I will do it again if I get the chance
____________
So many times:
There are times I just wish death would take me, just end this endless pain that I suffer from.
There are times I wonder if anyone would truly miss me, odds are not.
There are many times when I wonder how death feels like.
There are times I would not care even if it feels like a thousand needles tearing the deepest parts of my soul apart.
So many times I find this life so pointless
So many times I find myself friendless when I thought I had at least some friends
I question just how long this life will take each time I look back at what I have done wrong in it.
So many times I just want to fade away into the dark abyess of death
How many times gods will play with my fate
How many days will pass as theses tears fall from my eyes
How many times will I cut my soul with icy daggers made from broken friends
There are times I just wish death would take me, just end this endless pain that I suffer from.
There are times I wonder if anyone would truly miss me, odds are not.
There are many times when I wonder how death feels like.
There are times I would not care even if it feels like a thousand needles tearing the deepest parts of my soul apart.
_____________
Tears:
The once clear droplets
Of rain fall from the
Once blue sky
Now they are red
Like the crimson sky
After they had suffered
So much they then passed
Away from the pain and guilt of life.
No one is saved as
No one can be saved
From death
The air smells of death
And blood as they have
Died
No one is saved as
No one can be saved
From death
It was years
and they held on to
life.
But then they
Had come and
They lost the will to hold on
So many had died
That day even the
World moans for
The great loss.
It is raining again.
The red droplets of rain
fall from the crimson sky.
No joy, happiness, pleasure
Nor any good emotion
Exist in the world anymore
Only sadness, pain, guilt
And other emotions similar
To that exist
All because they had died
So many of them
At once.
Even as I cry
Theses tears, I will
Never be the same again.
As even I mourn
The loss even if I
Did not know the victims
Now I try to sleep
Even if I know
I Cannot.
I can’t, as
I hear the rain outside
And I cry for the loss
May we never
Forget what took place
The day the world mourn
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| O my god |
[22 Feb 2009|11:38am] |
gagjeiojfasdl;ijfaesp;lmjradsfjimkas
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it when one thing happens another thing takes place, just found out someone got into my paypal and used it for a 60 dollar fee for some off the wall site that has hosting for websites...WTF?
Just had to block my card and send in so many claims to paypal and my bank but as it is not posted my bank can't stop it nor do anything until then. Paypal will take 10 days so I am like gah.
Colene has a gym membership that is going to hit the bank on the account on the 30th so I am like fuck. Colene is well not happy.
gajiojaeoifjapo;fk[pesrke
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| Sleep seems fun |
[21 Feb 2009|11:18am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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Well Friday was good.
Yeah just woke up and still very tired and worn out. It feels like I am missing something if that makes any sense and odds are it does not. It just feels like I openned up more then I have in years and my mind is like blah??
Yeah putting things in words right now is hard, maybe I will spend the day cleaning and finding things on the net or reading.
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| Happy V day |
[14 Feb 2009|04:47pm] |
Yeah if anyone who reads this really cares about the pink heart day.
Well called sanctuary and she won't be joining us tonight which sucks but o well, she is sick which needs bed rest. Me and Colene got her a gift which we will give her on her next day off which should cheer her up.
Cleaned house mainly and dealt with my blood levels, my body is low on something it could be iron but I am having a lot of noise bleeds which is not good, but o well as long as I don't pass out I am good.
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[10 Feb 2009|11:03pm] |
I want to learn how to Customize my journal, I think it needs some stuff as it seems bland. Any one have any ideas?
Felt rather good today, college tomorrow which nothing big going on just a test which I am sure I will pass.
Going to watch Iron man later, I am not in my odd mood like I was the other day, yeah my mind is spacing due to family guy
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| Gah |
[09 Feb 2009|11:17pm] |
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I feel rather down today, I wish I was not so much anti social gah. Was going to make a point of this journal back yeah.
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| Rawr |
[08 Feb 2009|06:26pm] |
Slept better last night, but woke up at 5 am and could not go back to sleep so I stayed up in bed, breathing hurts due to coughing so hard and so much I think I bruised something in my chest.
I am feeling better today, which is good as I have a paper due tomorrow for class which I have not done anything on today. I think I want a hot bubble bath but that has to wait until sometime tonight.
I am trying to make sure I update at least once a day so I can be yay and all here, yeah my life is not really eventful.
As for Kiokushitaka I think I can find you some DMC manga to make you go all yay and melt.
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| Blah |
[07 Feb 2009|03:52pm] |
._. Well turns out me and colene have the flu, joy to the world now let it end. Did not sleep at all last night just took 10 min cat naps as I stared at the clock all night. Gah.
I am just blah right now, head won't stop hurting today nor did it last night. I want to get out of the house really but I wonder if that is a good idea.
College sucks, stupid teachers mainly but o well. Umm yeah
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| Petals in the wind |
[12 Nov 2008|12:23pm] |
Hey
Yeah making a update, I feel blah and lost at the same time right now, running yet never really moving it seems. Colene has moved in with me but now her mom is being a fucking bitch about it so that is added stress that she does not need, I know how parents can be as I had to move out on bad terms.
Need to find time to spend time with Sanctuary, along with getting a job. But few people will hire you when you can really only work 3 days out of the week due to college is 4 days full time. Blah.
Sanctuary's birthday is next month and I am off looking for what to get her. She is a good friend (even if we have a hard time spending time theses days) and I want it to be something that means something other then just money or o thanks.
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[25 Aug 2008|03:32pm] |
Rawr
Yeah I have been gone for awhile from the net, I have started College, joy to the world. Other then that my life had been blah, lost my job about three weeks ago now and going to work on campus with the school so yays.
I hate that last storm, did some roof damage in my room so I had water here and there now. Plus my ac died on us a few days ago, odds are we will replace the whole unit in a week or so but still hot as hell.
Will check up one peoples know my number give me an call anytime really. If you dont then well :P
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| Work |
[25 Jun 2008|02:38am] |
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Work all week but this up coming saturday and next thursday I am off, every day I work from 1 to 10 pm
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[02 Apr 2008|04:08am] |
I hate ten hour work days and I go in tomorrow for 6 hours then a few more 8 hour days and they took off thursday which I had off but not anymore meh next day off is sunday this carp is getting to me so much.
I so hope the pay is worth it as I have not really got paid yet but I should this friday.
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[17 Mar 2008|08:37pm] |
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Meh I am in one of my odd moods today, did not sleep well last night and my mind is acting stupid thinking odd things. Meh
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