Mary Jane's Last Dance

I have so much crap to buy in preparation for this wedding.

I'm leaning towards a pair of ivory-colored Chinese Laundry peep-toe shoes. I bought a pair of CL's last weekend and they fit my weird feet real well.

I need to get another strapless bra because the one I bought a couple of months ago gives me droopy quad-boob. My size is hard to find though. I'll probably get an Elle MacPherson one in 32C or D (I usually wear a 30C or D) because both the band and cup size run small. The last Elle MacPherson I bought that was labeled in my size was TINY TINY TINY. I had to give it to my younger sister. :(

Need new foundation, primer, and all that jazz.

On an unrelated note, I had an awful hypoglycemic attack today at work. I stopped just shy of passing out. I had all of the other symptoms though; extreme hunger, hot/cold flashes, lethargy, apathy, eyes glazing over, nausea, abdomen pain, irritability, the whole works. I bought a bottle of Gatorade from the soda machine around that time, and I couldn't open it. I was damned close to throwing it against the wall. When I went home on lunch break, I devoured almost everything that microwaveable in the fridge in a matter of minutes.

That song I'm listening to now? I've been listening to it all day.

"They've been taken away! They've been taken away! Billy was a bright one, Tommy's off his head. Mother loved them both the same, at least that's what she said. I don't predict the future, I don't care about the past. Send them off to DSS, now you've had your chance. The poison stole your babies, the judges took your rights. You can have your children or the night."

Today I went to Orlando and went to the outlet malls. Now I feel poor.

But hey, I finally found a pair of jeans that actually fit! It was beginning to look impossible for a while.

If I had a bit of money to invest and a more business-oriented brain (I'm couldn't be farther away from that mindset), I'd love to start my own clothing line.

My clothing line would cater towards smaller and shorter women and men. Short and small women and men have a very difficult time finding clothes that fit them right. They swim in all of the excess fabric. Petite women are stepping all over their pants bottoms. And god forbid if you're a small size, too -- you've been sized out of most stores. I know that pain -- as a small, petite woman, I've been sized out of many stores by now.

I've been sized out of the Limited, Express, and Old Navy, when they got rid of their XXS size. I remember when their size 1 was way too tiny for me once I got my adolescent growth spurt. That was at the turn of the century, 1999-2000. It's 2007, and not only is their size 1 gigantic in the waist, but their 0 now is, too! Since 2000, I have gained two inches and roughly fifteen pounds. It makes no sense.

( ranty rant rant )

Holy crap.

I just tried on a pair of underwear that I bought at Wet Seal.

They do not make these underwear for anyone with any semblance of an ass whatsoever. Maybe you can buy these underwear if your butt is so scrawny it hurts to sit down, because your bones are poking your ass.

Who do they make these underwear for? Eight year old boys? My little sister is pretty lanky and I have a feeling these would be too small in the ass even for her!

So much for watching the game in my gold-colored underpants. >:(

Yay! I finally found a swimsuit I like that is in my size!





And apparently, I just bought the last two pieces that were in my size :)


So seriously, I'm shopping for swimsuits on Figleaves at the end of the summer season from now on. A swimsuit that would have cost me over $180 during the season cost me $54 including shipping. <3 <3 <3

I've got a good question, maybe you can help me out.

How come bras look so much better everywhere else around the world (and encompass both smaller and larger size) than in the United States?

To give you a few examples of bras around the world:
http://www.ellure.nl/main.asp
http://shop.triumphjapan.com/index.html
http://www.amostyle.com/

Oh sure, you can get nice bras, if your band size is 34 or 36 and you happen to be a size B or C. If you're smaller or larger than that, you've got nothing fancier than a boys' jockstrap, really.

If you're a small cup size, you've got white, tan, and soft-cup bras with little-kid prints on them. Even worse, is that often they're called "training bras." Training for what? "Real" tits? Sorry shug, god forbid I have small boobs.

If you're a larger cup size, you're pretty much delegated to grandma bras. Those awful white and tan (often soft-cup and cheaply underwired) monstrosities with very un-sexy lace that looks like it was more suited to covering a table or a frumpy chair than your tatas.

Or, if you're like one of my friends, who happens to be a small band size and a large cup size (I estimate her to be a 30F), you're fucked, basically. You either have to wear multiple sports bras at a time, or squash yourself into a size that is way too small in the cups, and yet still rides up in the back.

I thought lingerie was supposed to be nice-looking. Flirty. Feminine. Last I checked, uh, we weren't men. So we should all have something that looks nice and sexy, not something that looks like it's battle armor for Superman's nuts.

Jesus Christ, America, get with the program.