Pushy salespeople in the mall,
You are a main reason why I prefer to shop online. You aren't attracting me to your wares by being a pushy asshole. Learn to take a hint, and go fuck yourselves.

JcPenney,
Advertising your sales goals on the intercom is totally unclassy and crass. I guess I can see what your priority is.

New Orleans Saints,
Please win tomorrow. Please. Pretty please? I know you're a scrappy lil' team and have always been, but you haven't had a start this bad in years. Get it together. Please ditch Olindo Mare, he can't kick. Bench Drew Brees if you have to. C'mon, the Bears benched Rex Grossman and look how much better they're doing without him!

Victoria's Secret at Westshore Mall,
Oh, so you remodeled your store! And look...it looks more like a strip club than it did previously. Neon signs and everything! Maybe if you got some pole dancers from Mons Venus (come on they're down the street, take advantage of it) and added a bar, then maybe I'd come in. Maybe. Those strippers might even be better salespeople than the uppity turds that Victoria's Secret currently hires.

USF Bulls,
You're awesome. Keep up the good work.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess,
Stop being so addictive.

College,
Stop feeling like I'm back in the tenth grade. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN.



Also, I get my wisdom teeth pulled on Wednesday and I'm ridiculously nervous about it. :(