Mary Jane's Last Dance

Hurray! Thursday is supposed to be nice, so the State Fair will be comfortable this year!

Last year it was all drizzly and it was frigid. I don't even think it got out of the 40's. I had on a coat and a hat and gloves and I was still cold. Man, I'm a wuss.

Things I look forward to:

FAIR FOOD. My yearly intake of uber-fatty delicious strange foods. I usually just play it safe and get an Italian sausage and a funnel cake.

That seal show.

Hanging out in the Old Florida section of the fair

FARM ANIMALS (especially the cute ones like bunny rabbits)

Being amused at rednecks in their high fashion, which consists of outdated trends from two or three years ago, plus lots of plaid, camo, Confederate flags, and Big Dog. Nothing says "Redneck Fashion Week" like a pair of terrycloth pants with "Sexy" written on the ass paired with a Big Dog shirt.

Hopefully we'll see the robot again.


So, that's what I'm doing for V-day. Nothing says love like a big ol' funnel cake. (Hey, the restaurants are going to be busy as hell)

I again had another nightmare-of-sorts, the second one in a row this week.

This one started out with me looking for a second job. I found one in the form of a waitress at "The Chop House". I arrived five minutes early with wings from a restaurant a few doors down because I had not eaten in over a day. I was led to the basement of the establishment by a scared-looking tall blonde guy in a red apron. He pointed to the wings and told me to hide them, because the boss was a "huge jerk."

The day was spent watching training videos on a computer. Eventually the boss, a huge balding fat guy, comes out. He smells wings and finds them. "Oh hell no!" he bellows. He finds the wings under a table. "You're going to pay for that." He hands me a piece of paper that looks like a bill.

"For that infraction, we get to take some of the best cuts of meat here for ourselves" -- points to him and the scared blonde guy, who I assume is a manager of some sort -- "and you get to pay for it."

The blonde guy shakes his head frantically. "No, no, no, I don't want anything to do with this." he stammers.

"SHUT UP! I DIDN'T ASK YOU!" the fat boss yells within inches of his face.

I take a look at the paper. $700 was the quoted price. $700? Jesus Christ. (You fatass.)

"She...she didn't know any better, give her a break, it's her first day." the blonde guy whimpers.

The boss grabs the blonde guy by the collar. "DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I felt like shit. I didn't want to be there any longer...but I needed the money. But how the hell was I supposed to get anything with this huge bill for a ridiculous "infraction" that I knew nothing about? Was this a form of slave labor?

I stayed until my time was up. I came back the next day, and the restaurant was empty. The blonde guy sat on one of the tables in the basement, hands folded, looking nervous.

"I...I think I'm going to quit." I say to the blonde guy.

"I kinda figured you would. Everyone does. Nobody lasts longer than a week. I give up on bringing new people here. ...In fact, I think I give up, too."

The blonde guy is sweating bullets.

"The rest of you are nice. You, the two girls upstairs, it's just that I can't work under a tyrant."

The boss steps out from a dark room.

"I hear you. And you missy, you have a bill to pay. You can't leave here without paying your bill in full."

I finally get the courage to defend myself. "This is ridiculous and against the law. I am under no obligation to pay this."

"We'll see about that. I'll take you to court."

"Well, if you're going to do that, I'll countersue. In fact, I can see about getting a class-action lawsuit placed against you and your so-called business."

I march out and the blonde guy is hesistant to walk out. Eventually, he does.


The second portion of my dream has me driving through Broad Street in Richmond. Everything is boarded up and decayed. Hooters is gone. Westland is gone, the iconic cactus sign broken in half. It looks kind of like Silent Hill. All of the cars are a dull color, except for one, a white van with doodles on it. It makes a U-turn, towards some form of life. I follow it.

Then I woke up.



It's strange how I can remember my dreams in vivid detail.