Dear Notebook I can't find,

I'm kinda scared about leaving this summer. About leaving everything behind. What if I don't want to come back? What if I want to come back before the summer's out? What if I get depressed? What if my friends fill my place with someone new? What if my family doesn't have space for me when I come back? What if Father dies while I'm away? What if Mother gets sick? What if someone needs me and I'm not here? What if I get sick again? What happens when pain overwhelms me? Can Desi handle me? Can Desi handle both Skyla and I? Will I be able to make a connection strong enough to want to live with her permanently? What will happen to all my stuff when I get back? I can't possibly fit it all into that tiny room. What happens when I go school shopping? Will I have the money I need? What happens to my accounts online? Will they be closed? What happens to the people I'm leaving behind? Won't they get hurt? Will anyone miss me? Does anyone care? Do I care?

I envy those who don't have to make these decisions.

Thoughtfully yours,

Carol