Date:	2008-01-20 02:31
Subject:	grr..
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy
Music:	Movie: Save The Last Dance

Grr!!! My dvd player broke so my roommate and I went out at 1:30am to Wal-Mart to get a new one. I don't know why I'm still up. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am torn about what to do about Ben. I haven't been to bed this late in quite a while unless Ben is over in which case I'm usually up but occupied. My mind is racing three million miles a minute but its blank at the same time.

Date:	2008-01-20 19:45
Subject:	Good Day =]
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	iTunes on Random

I got to hang out with Linda for a little while today!! It was really nice, we talked about guys and our current situations. She really helped me see that I do need to wait things out with Ben cause we have a completely different dynamic than Anthony and I had. I trust her judgement. She's known me for two years now, and almost the entire time she knew me I was with Anthony so she can see the changes better than I can. It's just nice to know that I was making the right judgement by sticking with it. I have a tendency to vanish or want out when something gets tough or I can't deal with it.

I haven't actually spoken to Ben in two days, which is quite odd for me. We texted a bit yesterday but that was like two seconds. I want to call him so badly, but I already texted him like an hour ago, and if he wanted to talk he would have responded. I get so confused by that boy sometimes. I guess I'm just frustrated at myself that after four months I haven't been able to get out of my old mindset of how a relationship should be (or something like that).

Its interesting to look back on the past few years and realize that I wasted them. This school year seems to be the best in a while. Classes, personal growth etc. I feel like my classes actually have relevance this semester, especially my photo courses. Photo 100 last fall was a joke, 200 was ok. I felt challenged in terms of making my work meaningful. I am super excited to get down and dirty in photo 400 which is studio based. I finally get to learn lighting and all that wonderful studio stuff that I have never learned before. School seems to be coming to a close so soon even thought I still have a year and a half (three semesters) left. I think I am going to like all my classes this semester. They all have some relevance to my future, with the exception of my art history course but I am taking that with a friend and the types of art covered are interesting. I can't believe I am going into the second week of the semester already.