As much as I hate to admit it, I really miss Tony. My relationship with Ben is so different than it was with Anthony. It really makes me miss what I had with him. I cherish what I have with Ben, its just very different and I guess I just have to adjust. Its so awkward talking to him on the phone. I feel like our conversation is forced when we talk for more than a few minutes. We are just such different people. I just don't know. I think I'm starting to rethink our relationship but I'm scared that if I do break up with him it will be the wrong choice and there is no going back to fix it. I'm also scared that I'm going to hurt him really badly emotionally. I guess I'll see how it goes this semester and how we interact.

I'm so nervous about seeing Maureen tomorrow. It was always awkward when I went over there and was dating Anthony, but now that he's not there it will be much more strained. I feel weird about asking about him too, but I really wanna know how he is. His mom may or maynot know. I don't know if she has been keeping in contact with him. Amanda won't tell Jenn anything which sucks. After tomorrow hopefully I can move on fully.