| stuffs about Wallace |
[Oct. 23rd, 2010|11:38 pm] |
This is not fic for tonight. This is Miscellaneous Facts About Wallace Wells. I'm more or less writing him a bio, and this kind of stuff, since I have nowhere to take him. So here you are.
- I have told this one to Courtney: Wallace doesn't like Sex Bob-omb because he doesn't "get" anything vaguely punkish. He doesn't get rap, either. Or techno. Or prog rock. Or anything sort of weird. Some people's ears get stuck on really specific sounds, and that's the case with him. When he was little, most of the music he heard was folk or folk-inspired, and his ears prefer more classical sorts of noises.
He really likes Barenaked Ladies and Great Big Sea. These were the other things he and Mobile immediately had in common, apart from hanging out on 4chan. They go to GBS shows and are simultaneously the most into it, and the only gay dudes.
- And yes, he hangs out on 4chan. A lot. Attempting to go into threads and say "smart" things, because Wallace can't resist being the smart person in the room. Ever.
(He mostly hangs out on /x/ and /mu/. He avoids /y/ like the plague.)
- This goes for real life, too. Sometimes he gets himself in trouble by constantly feeling the need to butt into conversations or situations as a voice of reason. Or a voice of You're Stupid. His friends are used to it, and Scott almost doesn't even notice he's doing it, most of the time, but when he and Scott's friends hung out more, before they all graduated...well, Stephen and Kim didn't really take too kindly to it, sometimes. Kim, especially. She and Wallace have had big fights before.
- That's not really why Wallace doesn't hang out with them anymore, though. Honestly, he doesn't have a good reason why he doesn't. It just happened. Once college was over, he started going out almost every night with Other Scott and some other people (as opposed to really only on weekends - he actually was a quite good college student), and Scott had decided to be pretentious and "stop drinking," so he never wanted to come, plus he and Stephen and Kim all decided to get more serious about playing music all the time, so they just...never hung out. And that's fine with Wallace, because, while he spent a lot of time with them for several years, he always considered them "Scott's" friends, anyway.
Which is a bummer because, when they weren't grating on one another, Kim and Wallace actually really got along, and could probably have been good friends. Stephen and Wallace could never be really close, though, solely for the fact that Wallace really doesn't like his music, and even though he respects the concept of making your own music, that would bother Stephen. (He only put up with it from Julie because he...put up with everything from Julie, because he thought that's what having a girlfriend was.)
Wallace, however, says he never would have minded dating Stephen, and would still do so, if he and Mobile, and Stephen and Joseph, were broken up at the same time. But he knows it wouldn't last very long and would end in some kind of NOT RESPECTING MY ART fury. Even though Wallace does respect it, he just doesn't like it.
- Wallace thinks of himself as a gay Danny Ocean, and has pretty much fashioned himself on that idea since he was fairly young. (That movie's been out forever, now!) And he thinks he's doing ok, minus the whole pulling heists part. He was a little offended when Inception came out and was more popular than "his" version of the same story...but he has to give it props for being awesome, anyway.
Based on the fact that he's Danny, he ought to also be Cobb, but he's definitely Arthur. To Scott's thoroughly useless Cobb.
Anyway, neither movie is really a good parallel to his life, and he knows that, he just really wants to be Danny Ocean. And when he does get around to pulling a fantastic heist...Scott will not be his pointman. It'll probably be Stacey.
- Stacey is...actually one of the people Wallace hangs out with more than he hangs out with Scott's friends. When they first met at Scott's house, Stacey was mid-break-up with one of her high school boyfriends, who later ended up sleeping with Wallace, without him realizing who it was. He was telling Stacey about it, she figured out who it was, and joked that he had stolen her boyfriend. Still jokingly, he made a couple of passes at the guy she was dating at the time. It didn't work. He told her he'd try again next time. ...And he did...and then it wasn't so much of a joke, because it actually worked.
Then it just turned into something they do. Stacey doesn't actually care. If there was ever a boy she was truly interested in dating long term, she would probably a) explain that Wallace was going to try to sleep with him, b) explain to Wallace that she really likes the guy, and probably also c) just not bring them around one another for a long time. Obviously, Wallace wouldn't do it to someone she actually liked a lot. He loves Stacey.
I don't think Scott realizes what good friends they are, because neither of them really feel the need to tell him, and since they almost never hang out with him, he doesn't notice.
- Stephen's observation that Wallace has slept with "every gay man in Toronto, and then some" is basically true. He hasn't slept with the ones who are way out of his age bracket. Or the ones who are hermits and don't leave their houses. Or the ones who are in relationships at the time. He's secure in the fact that he spent most of his life being a giant slut, because why not, when you've always been sure you don't feel like being in a relationship?
- Before meeting Mobile, he had legitimately never even considered dating someone for longer than a few weeks. And that really freaked him out and made him a little crazy for a week or two, before he made a final decision about it.
- Wallace and Scott never had a thing in the sense that they knew they were having one, but you could probably say that it was. Until Ramona started happening, even when Scott had girlfriends, they were definitely in a relationship in almost every sense except a physical one.
Similarly, the two of them meeting isn't quite the same as the way Scott tells it in the book. Scott is an unreliable narrator, and he tells people things happened in certain ways that make him look better than he really was, to the point where he starts believing that's how it actually happened, all the time. When he's asked how he and Wallace met, it's supposedly "pretty gay," but then he clamps up about it. Then later, unclamps, but tells a really benign story.
In spite of his love of lesbians and oddly shippy support of the people he knows who are gay, he says he's never kissed a dude, and freaks out about talking about when he and Wallace first met. When they met, they got drunk and fooled around. This happened two or three times before they graduated, and when Wallace said he was getting an apartment, and Scott practically begged to go with him, he sort of got the wrong idea and thought Scott was into him. Which he was ok with, in spite of his general ambivalence towards relationships, because that was different, to him. That was dudes who are friends and are into each other. So he thought there was going to kind of be a thing, when they moved in, and they very nearly had sex once, and then...Scott backpedaled and shot him down.
Which made living in the same room kind of weird for a few days or a week or so after that, cuz Wallace's feelings were actually pretty hurt. Especially because he realized, as soon as it had happened, that Scott was kind of retconning the whole thing from his personal version of his life. It kind of killed his crush on Scott, fortunately, because he couldn't really believe that someone who was his best friend would just jump right over what had happened like that. But he does care about Scott enough that he got over it and kept on being BFFs with him. Also he noticed that it's not just him, or just the fact that he's a dude, or anything, because Scott does this kind of thing to all his girlfriends, too.
So the real version of them meeting, which Scott won't admit to, is that he totally led Wallace on for about two years, and then "dumped" him after he'd mooched a living space off him.
- Wallace is one of those people who never really seems drunk, when you're talking to them, until they get up and start moving around. He can carry on a totally logical conversation into really high levels of intoxication, if he wants to. But then he'll get up and fall on his face, even while he's in the middle of saying something totally coherent. And yes, he'll fall asleep anywhere.
- He works for a place like Citicorp, where you answer the phone for stupid people with stupid problems with their credit cards/card statements. It's like being an over the phone IT person for credit cards. There are never any non-stupid questions. It's a really lame job, but Wallace doesn't care, as long as it pays the bills. He got an English degree and has no idea of what the hell he meant to do with it, so he'll probably be doing something like this for almost his entire life, unless his parents decide to send him back to school. Which he might not even agree to do if they offered, because school was hard.
- Calls people "babe" and "baby" a lot, and kind of hates that he does it. He's pretty sure it comes off as porny, but it just comes out of his mouth.
- Has a crush on Tyler Florence. He owns Tyler Florence cookbooks just because of the pictures in them. Of Tyler. Not the food. Except, the food is good also. Just in a different way. And yet these are the cookbooks he uses the least, because he's afraid of getting food on them.
He also totally gets and supports my raging crush on Alton Brown, even though he doesn't quite share it.
- When he's bored, Wallace doodles increasingly elabourate monograms for himself. He likes monograms. He has little WW cufflinks, but they're...not elabourate. They're just classy and neat looking. He would like everything he owns to be "classy and neat," but living with and supporting Scott for so long didn't really allow him to do that.
- In the same way that I would ideally like to be wearing 40s dresses all the time, Wallace would like all his clothes to be pinstripe shirts in various colours, and waistcoats. Though he does enjoy sweaters.
- He thinks a good strategy for throwing off his opponents on XBox Live is to flirt ravenously with them, the entire time. However, this is generally just as distracting for him as it is for the other person...if not moreso, because he has to keep thinking of things to say, while still playing well. ...Also, because he has the magical power of all semi-straight dudes wanting to bang him, this has led to way more propositions in his Live inbox than he means for it to.
...But that's not to say he's never hooked up with people he fought on XBox. Because he has. Plenty of times.
- He also insists he doesn't have magical powers, but owes his ability to bang all the straight guys to two things: hair-scritching, and being a switch. He's convinced there is no one on earth who won't relax if you scritch their hair at the right moment, and that it'll be a cold day in hell when most strict tops are successful at banging straight dudes. He says it's also important that the first time you kiss them is a really good kiss, because if you can get them past the "kissed a dude" barrier, it tends to be downhill from there. |
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