If life is an allusion then what is Scribbld? An
allusion with a wonky server? Just like life! This
site has been down for, I don't know how long &
don't know how long it'll be up. So I post ... just because
so many sites have went belly up and we don't do the journal
blogging thing anymore, really. and yet here it is back cuz
somebody turned the server back on. But for how long and if
the server goes off again then so will the site be off too! I am
here!!! Anybody? Can anybody here or see me?  need a new user
pic!

So if this is the new Scribbld and the old Scribbld is not now accessable then what happened to the post(s)
I put into the new Scribbld when I opened my acct from the old and if this is the new Scribbld then why didn't
I get notice that my acct had been finally migrated from the old? I am confused.

So, I thought that this site was done & gone so set up new on site Scribbld.us right? And now Scribbld.us is missing gone and this is working again. I had tried to migrate old to new and had set up a request that wasn't working & put in a Request #21 for help. Now the new site isn't there and the Request won't load. Can anyone tell me what the heck is going on? This is toooo weird!

So, not sure when I last posted. I tried Semagic but my user names confuse it. :)
 What's happening. Well, lets see.
 I am working. I am on the internet. I spent a lot of time in September watching old archives of 9/11. I found this youtube video of a woman in the crater of the hole the 1st plane made in the 1st tower. It fascinated me & disturbed me to see her standing in the rubble waving. It brought perspective to the size of what happened. You can really see how huge that gaping hole really was. In watching the videos of the news coverage you can't really get a perspective on it and I never saw the Towers in person. I almost wonder if I didn't get a little obsessed.
  Me and my dog Squeegy are getting along fine. She is spoiled. I love her to pieces!
  Spend time with family. Live alone now. This last year and a half have been the 1st time I've done that in over 20 years and I find I really enjoy it.
  So nothing changes and everything changes.

Love to all who chance upon here!  

There are too many Mookie_47's out there. I'm the only one who should exist. It just ain't funny and it ain't cool. Its my username and old birthday. how'd anybody else get it. ain't right. Say it ain't so. how'd that happen? and what happened to LostJournal? that bothers me somethin fierce. I want it back! I want it where its supposed to be. don't keep botherin me about my spelling. I like it as I like it. What happened? CommieJournal, GreatestJournal, LostJournal ... where did LostJournal go? ???

So here I am. I am trying to update my journals. I forgot about this one. LostJournal is not responding. I don't know what happened. But I guess that's what happens when you don't update. You miss the boat and I don't know how long its been since I updated my LostJournals. I will have to update DeadJournal as well unless its defunct too. I just don't get it about LostJournal tho. I watched GreatestJournal slowly disolve but LostJournal?

http://www.stockholmpride.org/howhetero/

Journaling. Kinda let it go for a long while. Only seem to want to post intermittently.
Lets see, how far back shall I go?Got laid off Jan, '08. Got rehired October, '08. Since then I can't seem to balance my budget and am 2 months behind on all my bills all the time. I seem to spend all my money on food. I guess that might mean I'm more depressed than usual. Seems like I just can't get a handle on my finances. F**ked up that is, ... I am?
I have dsl which is great or bad depending on how you view it. I spent much more time with my journals when I had dialup because that was easier to do. Now with dls I can watch youtube and vids on news sites.
I moved last July and now it is a year in this cottage ... cottage literally, how cool.
My mom spent three years no going to the doctor or taking medication and her diabetes and high blood pressure caught up with her last month and she had a mild stroke. This time she was aware of what was happening and it frightened her. She is now on meds and now that her mind is clearer she is bored. Its kind funny how she is now more aware. Its was scarier this time though. She really did have a bad episode.
Me, I just move along as always. Doing nothing and moving on nowhere. I get most of my news and entertainment off the web now and don't spend as much time watching tv as I used to.
I don't really have much to say. I think of a lot of stuff but ...
Well, that's it for now. Life is as effed up as ever and I wish for more ... but what?

I could have sworn I updated this journal. I updated the others and I know that I logged in here. So what the heck. Anywhoo, not much to say by now, I am spent. I updated all my other journals and now I am literally without ...
So hello!

I refuse to believe ...spend a day doing nothing ... nothing gets done ... don't care ... can't care ... rape of the pillion ...

Thoughts and such ...

* I was reading another's Blogger and suddenly felt nastalgic for my own. I don't use this much anymore or visit. I still miss dearlis. She left without saying goodbye. I was naive enough to think that I had made a friend, but maybe I insulted/offended her with my last comment to her. It was not meant that way. Its just so hard to talk to someone else about what's really in your head or how you're feeling without saying something that comes out wrong or is taken the wrong way. I really liked her posts and how she wrote. I enjoyed ... OK, I'm just a fool ...
* I got the impression from some of her writing that she didn't like it that people were actually reading her Blogger. She seemed to want to keep her thoughts and writing private, which isn't exactly what Blogger is for. That's better left to the slow sites like LOJO and DeadJournal.
* I have all these journals. I never post in them anymore. I don't know. I find that the more flist you have, the more closed you become. Like in face to face encounters, I believe I have censured myself. Afraid that if I am completely open that I will be rejected. There are things inside our heads that we never mean to share. These are our private thoughts and fantasies, day-dreams and such.
* I just had a strange thought ... I miss me. *

My internet connection is shit. So fucking slow. Damn!

I know only, the future cannot be driven by the past.
We move beyond, but not forward.
we lose faith, but not life
i have only dreams, and illusions, and little hope
i live to see the future

Who sees but does not listen
who moves in forward spirals
and cannot see beyond
do you see beyond to miracles
do you see nothing in your way
do you live without lifeblood

Somewhere along the line I got too old to sit with my legs crossed and they ache all the time. I am afraid of a bloodclot, but sitting on my bed is where I live now!


Very telling. Lets try to tell this without going over the falls.

You know what you mean. You know what you mean to say. You know what you want to convey. You try to write it in a post or a discussion forum. Friendship, lightheartedness, something. Instead you end up insulting someone. You end up having it taken the wrong way. You end up feeling frustrated that what you meant when you wrote it ends up not being understood.



When I was 18 and full of noble ideas and a true belief that I was a good person, I went to college and one day sitting in the caffeteria I heard a couple of guys at the table behind me talking about the college's basketball team and they were making racist remarks about the black players. Do you know what I did? I did nothing. Nothing at all. I just sat there outraged by what they were saying, but I didn't say a word! I have many regrets in my life, thousands perhaps. Things I've done that I shouldn't have. Things I wanted to do and didn't have the courage to do. But sitting there and listening to those guys say the things they were saying and not standing up and saying something, anything at all, is the most shameful act I have ever commited. And I will never be able to atone for that. Words hurt, Words kill.

adopt your own virtual pet!

 

this if the first post on my new journal and I have a gazillion and a half journals now. I have hit them all and a few that were/are unnecessary! I am definately a journal whore now. WooHoo