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Queen of the Superficial ([info]lovemedead) wrote,
@ 2009-06-16 00:12:00


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Dear mom,

So... you decided to go through my history. You decided to get curious. And you ended up hurt... I'll be honest, I don't even REMEMBER where I said what you quoted to me. Was it in an IM? An email? Here? I guess it doesn't matter. The fact remains that I did say it. Worse yet.... yeah, I that is how I feel sometimes. You just chose not to notice.

I just want to be happy. Is that so wrong? I'm sorry that you don't approve of the way I've handled things, but I was caught in a very tight spot. This is my only chance to go. You don't see it, but I do. If I don't leap now, I'll never leap. I need NEED to live my own life. I want to control my life and what happens in it. Is that really so bad?

I know you still see me as a kid and yeah, maybe this wasn't the best way to go about everything, but it is difficult to talk to you. Maybe you just haven't noticed how difficult it is to talk to you, but everyone feels it at times. For me it has just gotten increasingly difficult as the years have gone on. I tried to explain this to you before, but you didn't listen. You just assume you're right, that I'm wrong, and that as long as I listen to you then all will be well. Well, mom, I want to listen to myself this time.

Everyone is allowed to be happy at least once in their life, right? To find their own happiness? Well, that is what I am trying to do now. Please, I wish you understood that...

- Me


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(Anonymous)
2009-06-18 02:35 am UTC (link)
Wow - sounds like your mom is a serious mental case. Why have you stayed so long if she if forcing you to do things. If your mother is so terrible and forces you to do things, it sounds like you should have left a long time ago.

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[info]lovemedead
2009-06-18 02:50 am UTC (link)
Who are you? I would like to know because 1. I don't appreciate anon on my journal and 2. only my friends are allowed to really have an opinion on this and if you aren't my friend then I ask that you recant your words.

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[info]lovemedead
2009-06-18 02:51 am UTC (link)
Funny... my IP...

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[info]rezista
2009-06-18 05:31 am UTC (link)
Anon,

I don't know how much you actually know about her mother, but she doesn't, in my opinion, handle things the same way many other mothers do. While she does force [info]lovemedead to do things she doesn't want to do, it was honestly impossible for her to move out before now. [info]lovemedead doesn't like to rely on others, so the idea of staying with one of her friends makes her feel really uncomfortable (whether or not it's a problem to aforementioned friend).

She's tried to talk to her mother about the tasks that are forced on her and is responded to with a great, big, stone wall. And if you've talked to people, well...you know how difficult it is to talk to someone that won't listen. The problem, as I see it, is that her mom genuinely sees that what she is pushing on [info]lovemedead is good for her and something that she will enjoy. So when she hears something different, she shuts down the conversation and attributes the comments to [info]lovemedead's "selfish, immature attitude".

What [info]lovemedead is doing will prove one of two things: either that she IS mature enough to be able to make this step in her life, or that she ISN'T. The only person that can make that kind of call is [info]lovemedead herself. Part of growing up is making the mistakes that will teach you your boundaries. I only hope that if her moving out doesn't work for her that her mother will welcome her daughter back into her home without snide "I told you so"s and without going right back to the situation they were already in.

Needless to say, I guess my point boils down to this: Whether or not you can judge her mother to be a "serious mental case", this situation is between those two and no communication is being made because one party can't get the second to listen to their story.

With serious longwindedness,
Rezi Ta

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