So. When the person before you in the bathroom clogs the toilet but not enough that it's CLEARLY CLOGGED to you, the half-asleep user, and after YOU use the toilet, the chain decides it's had enough of this shit and breaks but you don't notice this or that things were flowing kind of slower than normal in there (you're half-asleep and everything went down, so your empty toilet bowl says) and wander away to snooze for another hour, all the while your clogged toilet continues to run and run and run for the entirety of said hour...... you know what you come back to after that hour? A FUCKING LAKE IN YOUR BATHROOM, THAT'S WHAT. *ROLLS UP PANTS* AND GUESS WHAT? THERE'S NO MOP IN THIS HOUSE. BUT. YOU REMEMBER "OH YEAH, DAD BOUGHT SOME SHAMWOWs!" SO YOU GO GRAB THOSE. AND HEY, THEY WORK A LOT BETTER THAN THE RAGS YOU'D NORMALLY USE! BUT THAT FUCKER ON TV LIED. THESE SHAMWOWs ARE NOT CAPABLE OF HOLDING A BUCKET OF WATER, NO SIR. FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER... ALL THE STANDING WATER HAS BEEN SHAMWOWed. YOUR TOILET IS NO LONGER CLOGGED THANKS TO A JAUNTY PLUNGER. AND YOU'VE TAKEN RAGS TO ALL THE RESIDUAL. You've also duct-taped the shit out of that fucking toilet chain, left dad a voicemail of simply "Hey, toilet chain broke, need a new one.", and hung the rugs + SHAMWOWs on the clothesline.

I'm am now going to take a goddamn shower and then have some coffee. I only got, like, 3 hours of freaking sleep but I'M DEFINITELY FUCKING AWAKE NOW. WTF, MAN? I feel like I just lived through an episode of Friends or Two & a Half Men or some shit, minus the laugh reel. Hmph.