The following messages were left at about 4am last night on all of your answering machines. Enjoy.



(It should be noted that all of these were left with kaiba and bakura trying very hard not to lose it laughing, but they seem to have pulled it off fairly well)

Pegasus

kaiba: Uh... Wow um. I know I was calling for a reason, but my train of thought just ran off the tracks and burst into flames. ...Oh, right! Now I remember! Speaking of flames, hey, Pegasus! I need your help. I'm here with--
bakura: [disguising his voice as Ryou in the background] Kaiba-kun... What are you doing? Don't take so long, I'm so, so restless...
kaiba: Anyway, I'm here with...Bakura... And uh, we're looking for entertainment. It's early and...you like fun. So we were thinking you might know of an...activity...or five. To keep us entertained...
bakura: [out of context groan from stretching] Kaiba-kun... I just thought up a few things that could keep you... entertained. [laugh] I know they'll make you happy. I can make you happy, ne...!
kaiba: Y-Yeah. Uh. Nevermindgottagobye!


The Ishtar Residence

kaiba: Heeey, Isis. It's Kaiba. I know it's kind of late but I wanted to thank you for stopping by the other day. I also wanted to apologize for the elevator thing again. It was a long wait, but you took it all in stride. Three hours is like a record for this place. I'm glad we finally got off. [pause] So, you have my card. Give me a call and we'll schedule another meeting sometime. Oh, and tell that brother of yours hello for me. How is he, by the way? We were so busy the other day we didn't have time to discuss those things. [turns away from the phone to cough, which is really to cover up a snicker] Ah, well, it is late so I should be going. Hope to see you soon!


Jounouchi

bakura [uncomfortable groan, hushed tone] ... Jounouchi, right? It's... Bakura. I found your number in Kaiba's bedroom, on his dresser. Look, I don't have a lot of time here, but I decided to give you a fair warning. He's going to get you, like he got me...
kaiba: [in the background] Who are you talking to in there?!
bakura: [quietly] Shit. [to Kaiba] It's just a fucking phone call, none of your business!
kaiba: Oh, I think it's plenty of my buisness. Now, I don't recall telling you that you could leave the bedroom, did I?
bakura: You didn't complain about me doing things on my own earlier. [pause, quick gasp] G--get your hands away from there!
kaiba: You weren't complaining about that earlier, were you? [decidedly closer to the phone]
bakura: Well, you weren't giving me much opportunity to speak, now were you...?
kaiba: Hmph. Now suddenly it's not good enough for you? Whoever you're on the phone with must be pretty important to take you away from my...affection. [pause, standing back] You're not cheating on me, are you?
bakura: Fuckin' stupid thing to ask... You're the one exchanging phone numbers. You're a greedy son of a bitch, you know that? [playful harshness before it becomes more seductive] I'll just take you all for myself instead.
kaiba: [playfully] I'm not the one on the phone during our playtime now am I? [pause] Hm, so you want me exclusively, huh? Maybe we can talk about that after I decide your punishment for leaving me to call someone else. [loud sound of a belt snapping]
bakura: [muffled moan, sounds of struggle] Anh... Seto-sama! [pleased noises before the phone hangs up]


Yugi

kaiba: Hey...Yugi...It's Kaiba. Listen I...it's been a while since I've heard anything from you, you know? I mean...you don't call, you hardly ever text...your IMs don't have the same fire that they used to... [laughter under his breath sounding like a broken sob] I guess it's partly my fault too. I mean...I'm always so busy, but...you knew that when you met me. I just... I don't understand... DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE YUGI?! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL! [fake sob] WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN WE DUEL?!
bakura: What the fuck! You're seriously fucking hung up on YUGI?! I thought-- I thought WE had something special! All those kidnappings of your brother... did they mean NOTHING to you?!
kaiba: B-Bakura!! [voice cracks] Wh-What are you doing here? I thought you were still in bed!
bakura: I heard you fucking blubbering at Yugi and got up! How could you?! So, what?! Were you just using me this whole time?! You-- you MONSTER!
kaiba: I'M SORRY!! It's just..his cards...they're SO RARE!!
bakura: [heartbroken] Is THAT all that matters to you?! [pause] [quietly] I can't believe this. You're a horrible person, Kaiba! ... and to think... I'm-- [hiccups a little, as if crying] HAVING YOUR BABY!
kaiba: [tiny hint of laughter] You're WHAT?! [serious again] YOU WHORE, HOW ARE YOU SURE IT'S MINE?! I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MALIK. AND ALL THOSE LATE-NIGHT CALLS TO JOUNOUCHI.
bakura: [gasp] You bastard! How could you say such things to me!? Of COURSE it's yours! I... I feel it kicking whenever I'm near RARECARDS!
kaiba: Oh...oh god... [pause, turns back to the phone] I...Yugi...I'm sorry. I'll try to call you later, so we can talk about this. Maybe have a breakup duel...but I have a family to think of now. [turns from the phone again] BUT 9 MONTHS FROM NOW I WANT A PATERNITY TEST. IF IT IS NOT MINE I'M PUTTING YOU BACK IN THE TOURNAMENT I PICKED YOU UP FROM. AND THAT TOURNAMENT IS OVER. SO THAT MEANS I'LL JUST DROP YOU OFF AT A STADIUM AND LEAVE.
bakura: WHY DO YOU DOUBT MY HEART-- OF THE CARDS?!
kaiba: [minor coughing fit] [comes back to the phone] Goodbye, Yugi. We'll always have Battle City.