I've forgotten what I said to spur this, but I'm still laughing about it today.

alucard: What, is that a crack about how I don't have a heart?
integra: You have a heart!
alucard: I've impaled thousands!
integra: You have a heart, you just don't have a whole lot of patience.
alucard: . . .

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Sir Integra Hellsing

alucard: I choked on my own throat.
alucard: Man, the pros and cons of being immortal number 23852: You cant die, but you /can/ be an idiot.
integra: that is going somew2here
alucard: You should put it somew7here.
integra: you know what you can do?
alucard: Somew3here great.
alucard: Wha9t can i do?
integra: don't you have some spit to choke on?
alucard: ...

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Sir Integra Hellsing

integra: mm, my eyes are getting sreeepy
alucard: Psh, SLEEP IS FOR HUMANS.
alucard: ...
alucard: Oh, right.
integra: ...
alucard: Sorry.
alucard: :/
integra: well, you know...
integra: we CAN remedy that...
alucard: Nope, we cant.
integra: psht
integra: only because you won't get rid of that perverted coffin of yours
alucard: I can only please one human per day, today is not your day. Tomorrow isnt looking good either.
integra: how many other humans have you been pleasing?!
alucard: Oh, lets see here... NONE.
integra: oh the future isn't looking good for you, my friend
alucard: I'm not sure if you realize this.. But I'm a snail right now. A snail. Not a dog, or a bat, or mist, or even rats but a snail. And thats just awful.
integra: well you should have thought of that before you said you were pleasing other humans.
integra: and i wouldn't have had to say snailucard snailucard snailucard
integra: so you see how this is your own doing
alucard: . . . I hate you.
alucard: So much.
integra: you want me.

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Sir Integra Hellsing