If anyone has ever wondered what my nights look like, this is pretty much it.



Walter Invents the Plague: Part I

integra: walter
integra: do you really want to stand between me and caramel?

walter: ...
walter: ma'm
walter: why do you do this to me

integra: because it's my job

walter: /sighs
walter: /coughs all over all the caramel
walter: here
walter: ..there
walter: now you can't have any

integra: ...you realize that i don't mind your germs, right?

walter: do you want the plague?!
walter: do you!?

integra: do you have the plague?!

walter: YES

integra: ...
integra: if you had the plague you couldn't work

walter: yes i could

integra: and i'd have to let seras do all of your work

walter: YES I COULD

integra: NO YOU COULDN'T
integra: NOW I WILL ASK YOU AGAIN
integra: DO YOU HAVE THE PLAGUE

walter: ....................
walter: I...
walter: ....

integra: ANSWER
integra: THE QUESTION
integra: MISTER DOLLNEAZ

walter: I DON'T KNOW
walter: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE
walter: I DON'T KNOW AAHHHH /SOBS

integra: YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE THE PLAGUE??

walter: STOP ASKING ME THINGS
walter: STOP
walter: AAH
walter: AHAHAHAHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

integra: /stare
integra: /STARE

walter: /STARES BACK

integra: /STARES EIGHT TIMES MORE
integra: /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE

walter: WTFFFFF

integra: YEAH
integra: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT
integra: YOU PLAGUELESS POOF

walter: /stares

integra: /stares


Walter Invents the Plague: Part II

integra: hey hey hey
integra: plague-haver
integra: you still didn't tell me if you're over your cold
integra: /stare

walter: i have the plague
walter: that is all

integra: oh my god
integra: i'm going to strangle you
integra: /s.t.a.r.e

walter: what

integra: /stare
integra: not giving your master a proper report on your health is a criminal offense, you know

walter: i said i had the plague! what more do you want!

integra: you don't actually have the plague you liar!

walter: I don't?

integra: no, walter
integra: you don't

walter: oh

integra: yeah
integra: but you did have a cold
integra: /stare

walter: and now i have the plague

integra: ....
integra: excuse me, won't you?
integra: /leaves room
integra: /loud banging heard from hallway

walter: lmao

integra: /comes back, giant red spot on forehead
integra: ok, hello

walter: rofl
walter: what the...

integra: it's
integra: it's just better not to ask


Walter Invents the Plague: Part III

walter: alrighty, i'll reply in the morning, falling asleep right now :3
walter: see you in the mooorning
walter signed off at 1:02:41 AM.
walter signed on at 1:31:55 AM.
walter: k so maybe i lied

integra: lmfao well that didn't take long

walter: rofl

walter: well, i have the plague. so i couldn't sleep.

integra: oh
integra: my god
integra: i will eat your face

walter: what?
walter: WHAT?

integra: /just STARING

walter: WHAT THE HELL DID I DO NOW

integra: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE

walter: YES I DO

integra: HOW MANY TIMES
integra: DO I NEED TPO
integra: NO
integra: NO YOU DO NOT

walter: yes i do

integra: ok
integra: prove it

walter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumonic_plague
walter: my coughing up a lung wasn't a hint to you
walter: okay
walter: i have the damn plague
walter: now take that lung and laminate it then frame it

integra: i ain't laminating shit

walter: i know
walter: you're laminating my lung

integra: ....
integra: /stare
integra: okay so where's your fever
integra: and rapidly developing pneumonia

walter: i'm kind of dead so i don't appear very hot

integra: oh wah wah i'm dead but i can still get the plague
integra: do you hear yourself?

walter: what do you WANT FROM ME LADY
walter: I HAVE THE DAMN PLAGUE
walter: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY

integra: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE

walter: OK OK

integra: YOU JUST COUGHED

walter: FINE
walter: WHAT DO I HAVE
walter: HUH

integra: A COUGH

walter: HUH MISS SMARTY PANTS

integra: YOU HAVE
integra: A CAUGH
integra: COUGH
integra: SDFGHJ

walter: NO
walter: I DON'T
walter: OK

integra: YES

walter: I DON'T HAVE A COUGH
walter: I HAVE THE PLAGUE

integra: YOU HAVE A FUCKING COUGH

walter: NO

integra: YES

walter: NO

integra: YES

walter: NO

integra: NO PNEUMONIA, NO FEVER, NO PLAGUE

walter: NO

integra: SO YOU'D BETTER GRAB SOME PNEUMONIA OR GRAB A MOP

walter: here is the question
walter: DO I TAKE NYQUIL OR NOT
walter: DOES NYQUIL COVER THE PLAGUE

integra: NO IT DOES NOT COVER THE DAMN PLAGUE

walter: oh shit

integra: EVEN THE IMAGINARY ONE

walter: well what do i do

integra: you lay down and cuddle up

walter: hmmm
walter: no i think i'll take nyquil: plague
walter: nyquil cold & plague excuse me

integra: ....
integra: i'm going
integra: to strangle you

walter: k
walter: but i don't think that's covered in the symptoms it helps
walter: nope strangulation: not included

integra: oh it's about to be

walter: sorry it's not on the bottle

integra: /takes bottle
integra: /writes it in doctor scribble
integra: there
integra: damn you

walter: ...
walter: hm
walter: there's
walter: something illegible here
walter: i think it says i have the plague

integra: it says strangulation

walter: no
walter: no, it definitely doesn't say that
walter: it says i have the plague
walter: see? see right here?
walter: i better take this

integra: dok: no, zat definitely says strangulation.

walter: NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU
walter: GO THE HELL AWAY OKAY

integra: dok: D: VHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT ME I AM JUST UND DOKTOR

walter: OH I DON'T KNOW
walter: COULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT YOU KINDA
walter: KIDNAPPED ME AND TURNED ME INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE
walter: HAMLET I JUST GOT TURNED INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE!

integra: dok: oh you're so dramatic
integra: dok: HEY ACTY

walter: LISTEN TO THE WOMAN JOHN
walter: HE HAS THE PLAGUE

integra: dok: i vast like HEY EVERYBODY, I CAN'T VATCH ZIS
integra: dok: I SINK I KNOW ZE PLAGUE VHEN I SEE IT OKAY

walter: why are nyquil tablets fucking HUGE

integra: why are you taking nyquil??
integra: doesnb't that interact with excedrin?

walter: cause i have thr plague
walter: i tiik excedrin at like 2pm it's been 12 hrs

integra: /stare
integra: /stare

walter: I ONLY TOOK 1

integra: WHAT'S THE RECCOMMENDED DOSE?

walter: 2

integra: OKAY THEN
integra: BUT STILL
integra: /STARE

walter: I'M SMALL OK
walter: IT DOESN'T TAKE MORE THAN 1 TO DO THE JOB

integra: ....

walter: lol
walter: lol

integra: /d
integra: /i
integra: /e

walter: lmfao

integra: /s

walter: LOOK
walter: I HAVE THE PLAGUE

integra: DFGH

walter: DON'T EVEN START WITH ME

integra: YOU DO NOT

walter: OR I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU

integra: HAVE
integra: THE FUCKING PLAGUE
integra: FINE
integra: GIVE ME YOUR IMAGINARY
integra: BULLSHIT PLAGUE

walter: no
walter: NO
walter: i dont want you to die

integra: ..../facepalm
integra: then why would you even--
integra: you know what
integra: okay

walter: lmfao
walter: IDK I HAVE BRONCHITIS OR YOUR FACE OR SOMETHING

integra: WHAT THE
integra: FUCK
integra: HOW DID
integra: THIS GET FROM
integra: THE PLAGUE
integra: TO BRPONDFSTRSD

walter: lmfao
walter: THE PLAGUE SOUNDS COOLER
walter: ALSO: IT'S THE PLAGUE

integra: /BANGS HEAD
integra: /ON DESK
integra: /FOREVER

walter: I HAVE WHATEVER MAKES YOU COUGH UP LUNGS
walter: IS THAT THE PLAGUE
walter: I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S THE PLAGUE

integra: THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE PLAGUE

walter: YEAH IT IS IT'S THE PLAGUE I KNEW IT
walter: I'MG LAD YOU AGREE
walter: ....
walter: I'M GLAD TOO

integra: YOU DON'T EVEN
integra: HEAR ME
integra: WHEN I TALK
integra: DO YOU

walter: YEAH I KNOW IT'S KIND OF GROSS

integra: ALL OF THIS USED TO BE ORANGE GROVE

walter: WELL IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY

integra: fghjk
integra: THE PLAGUE??

walter: YEAH
walter: WHAT ELSE

integra: sdfghjkl;
integra: ertykilop;'
integra: sdcfvgbnhm,./
integra: erfgtujkilo
integra: /letter opener

walter: look
walter: look.
walter: it's the plague. just admit it.

integra: i will do no such thing

walter: yeah well
walter: next time i have to cough
walter: i'll cough in your face
walter: and then when you die from the plague
walter: you'll get

integra: i'd like to see you try little man

walter: it was the plague
walter: what else is it then
walter: huh
walter: huh punk

integra: ANYTHING ELSE

walter: like what
walter: there is nothing else

integra: bronchitis
integra: a cold

walter: did you just make that up?

integra: yes

walter: i've never heard of either of these things before

integra: yes, i made up bronchitis

walter: "cold" "bronchitis" come on these don't even sound like words
walter: be more creative
walter: it's the plague

integra: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronchitis i even made a wikipedia page about it
integra: in .25 seconds

walter: what the hell
walter: why would you do that
walter: god

integra: because
integra: oh
integra: i don't know
integra: i DIDN'T?

walter: well how'd it get there then
walter: you obviously planted it
walter: no one else is stupid enough to think of something called "bronchitis" lol it sounds like a fucking dinosaur

integra: you know what it is walter
integra: i bet it's emphysema
integra: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emphysema from all of your bullshit smoking

walter: no
walter: it's the plague

integra: you're a brontosaurus
integra: how do you like that
integra: that's right you shut up

walter: what
walter: i wasn't paying attention
walter: i was too busy having the plague

integra: because of your emphysema

walter: no
walter: i don't have that
walter: just the plague
walter: also: i need a cigarette
walter: can you find me one

integra: yeah, maybe you can make one
integra: out of all the tar you're coughing up
integra: from your emphysema

walter: i'm not coughing up tar
walter: coughing up crap
walter: and blood
walter: it's not tar
walter: okay
walter: fuck you

integra: if you're coughing up crap, it's way worse than the plague
integra: just saying

walter: ..................
walter: /stares
walter: get me
walter: a cigarette
walter: for that

integra: pff
integra: what do i look like, the butler?

walter: yes
walter: yes you do
walter: you look like the butler right now

integra: i'm not going to help you with your emphysema

walter: i'm the master
walter: and you're the butler
walter: right now
walter: and i have the plague
walter: so you should go get me a damn fag

integra: pffffffffffff
integra: PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

walter: PFFF ALL YOU WANT WOMAN BUT YOU BEST LISTEN TO YOUR BUTLER
walter: ...MASTER
walter: YOUR FUCKINGFJA;SLKJ

integra: YEAH
integra: YOU CAN'T EVEN BE MASTER FOR 2 SECONDS WITHOUT BUTLER COMING THROUGH

walter: i hate you

integra: you want me

walter: Unnamed Jan (2:19:10 AM): You have the plague.
walter: hah
walter: hah
walter: HAH

integra: you fucking made him say that
integra: JAN IS NOT A DOCTOR
integra: DOK IS A DOCTOR
integra: AND I HAVE DOK
integra: AND DOK SAYS NO FUCKING PLAGUE

walter: Unnamed Jan (2:20:26 AM): Jan is a brain surgeon. Fact.
walter: (2:20:32 AM): obviously
walter: (2:20:39 AM): you are quite the brain surgeon
Unnamed Jan (2:20:42 AM): Feel free to quote me on that one.

integra: you're both retarded

walter: ...duh

integra: you can quote me on that

walter: /stares

integra: /stares

walter: /stares

integra: the only one certified to diagnose the plague is me okay
integra: and i say emphysema

walter: suuuuure
walter: riiiiiiight

integra: because you spent your teenage years sucking down fags

walter: .................................
walter: what the
walter: Unnamed Jan (2:23:54 AM): Well she is quite right about you being a retard, Walter. I can't really argue with that. Spot on, a very clear-headed and accurate analysis of the situation at hand. Clever and insightful, it answers all the questions anyone might have had about Walter's personality in an elegant and intelligent manner that vindicates your comrade and elevates her to amongst the world's greatest thinkers. Feel free to quote me on this one.
walter: (2:24:07 AM): ....................................

integra: .....jan just got brownie points

walter: LOL

integra: pot brownie points

walter: Unnamed Jan (2:25:07 AM): SCORE! 8D
walter: i hate you two forever

integra: you love us

walter: no
walter: i hate you
walter: when i die of the plague you'll be sorry

integra: hate us with looooooooove?
integra: you're already dead

walter: shut up
walter: die again
walter: undie
walter: whatever
walter: f;alsk

integra: hee hee, undie
integra: like underpants

walter: ....................
walter: i hate you
walter: so much
walter: forever
walter: /dies
walter: /OF THE PLAGUE WHICH I HAVE YES I DO SHUT UP

integra: NEIN NO PLAGUE

walter: too late already died from the plague

integra: no you died from nazis

walter: no

integra: w/e you so did
integra: nottheplague

walter: /dead from the plague still

integra: you're dead from nazis

walter: shut up i am not

integra: wtf okay then
integra: you fell on the way to the zeppelin
integra: and died

walter: .........

integra: well? if the nazis didn't do it?
integra: maybe you tripped on your own wires
integra: or choked on a pretzel
integra: they are german, you know

walter: ...........................................

integra: because i mean, if you had the plague when you were human
integra: i drank after you a lot
integra: even before we left for the war
integra: so by that logic

walter: .............

integra: you gave me the plague

walter: no
walter: i just caugtht the plague
walter: caught

integra: lies and faggotry

walter: no you

integra: is that really your best defense?

walter: no u

integra: maybe it's the emphysema

walter: look lady
walter: okay
walter: look
walter: i took nyqil
walter: also nqyuil
walter: .......nyquil
walter: and i am

integra: LMAO

walter: having the plague
walter: so just

integra: retarded

walter: shut your piehole

integra: yeah you are retarded
integra: for thinking you have the plague

walter: wtffffffffffffffffffffffffffff i hate you

integra: maybe the retard plague

walter: WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME
walter: GOD
walter: I'M DYING HERE AND YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME

integra: BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HACVE THE FUCKING PLAGUE

walter: yes i do

integra: I AM LAUGHING BECAUSE ALL THE FAGS YOU SUCKED DOWN IN YOUR TEENS ARE CATCHING UP TO YOU

walter: i have the plague
walter: i am going to k
walter: ill
walter: you

integra: yeah okay, i'd like to see you try
integra: come on plaguey
integra: plagues mcgee
integra: invisiplague

walter: ..................
walter: what the
walter: hell
walter: just
walter: did you say

integra: be careful everybody
integra: the mighty invisiplague is loose
integra: he may infect your children
integra: with nothing


Walter Invents the Plague: Epilogue

walter: k i'm going to sleep now
walter: GOING TO SLEEP NOW
walter: WITH THE PLAGUE

integra: YOU BETTER GO TO BED
integra: WITH YOUR SANS PLAGUE

walter: going to bed with the plague
walter: see you tomorrow
walter: goodnight and sweet dreams

integra: sweet dreams snugglebunny
integra: i'll just be here
integra: sad that you love jan more than me D:

walter: yeah well
walter: ....
walter: /stabs

integra: WTF
integra: fghjk
integra: fine, fine
integra: you don't want any cuddles

walter: YES I DO
walter: BUT I DON'TWNT TO INFACET YOU

integra: YOU WILL NOT INFECT ME

walter: I DON'T WANT TO INFECT YOU

integra: YOU KNOW WHAT
integra: EVEN IF YOU DO IT'S OK
integra: BECAUSE I'VE HAD MY PLAGUE SHOTS

walter: OH
walter: REALLY?

integra: EVEN MY IMAGINARY ONES
integra: TOTALLY

walter: OH
walter: OKAY
walter: /HUGS

integra: /SNUGGLES

walter: YAY

integra: NOW DO YOU LOVE ME?

walter: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU

integra: MORE THAN JAN?

walter: YES, MORE THAN JAN

integra: YAY!!

walter: NOW
walter: GO TO BED SOON
walter: OR ELSE

Or else what, you might ask.

Maybe he'll give me the "plague".

Of course, we redeem ourselves with moments like these.



integra: do you want me to post something somewhere? anywhere? ever?

walter is idle at 10:45:47 PM.
walter is no longer idle at 10:47:10 PM.

integra: /gnaws on yoooouuu

walter: /spaced out omg

integra: omggggg

walter: OKAY UM LET'S SEE
walter: /STARES AT WORLD
walter: how about...
walter: ...turtles are making their move to overtake the world...
walter: discuss.

integra: oh god it's worse than millennium
integra: cause it'll take them a millennium to get to us
integra: HAH.
integra: GET IT?
integra: it's funny because turtles are slow

walter: lmfao
walter: hey
walter: you're pretty cute

integra: rotfl wtf it's totally rude to talk to mirrors when other people are talking to you
integra: jeez, walter
integra: jeez

walter: lmao
walter: what the
walter: i'm talking to YOU young lady

integra: wow you're a lady?

walter: ....

integra: :D!

Integra