Oh, oh, fraulein. You vound me, truly, zough I am impressed I have such effect on your persona.

Ugh. Rest assured that I could smoke the whole of Cuba and you'd still grate on my nerves.

Who let you out of your cage, anyway?

And I thought you were going to stop calling me that.

I changed my mind after I saw the disgraceful state you've allowed yourself to enter! From the stand-point of a lowly bystander, it almost appears as if you were in love with your own butler. Zis can hardly do.

I didn't take him away for you to turn around and make him yours again, you know.

In love with my-- wh-WHAT?! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY ARE YOU ON ABOUT YOU PSYCHOPATH?! THAT MAN IS LIKE A FATHER TO ME!! WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERT ARE YOU?!

Besides, he was always mine, you incorrigible little troll. I don't need to use brainwashing to get him to do anything, unlike some people.

[Audible tisk-tisk-ing from the Major here.]

Now, now, let's not get hasty, ja? I don't recall any brainwashing necessary when we offered him a chance at Alucard, hm? He jumped on zee offer faster than a vampire on a sacrificial virgin!

And that proves exactly what? I wasn't even around back then and Alucard was just as incorrigible as you are. I'd of probably beaten him senseless too.

Heeey!

Quiet, you.

How kind of you to join us, Alucard.

And see? Now she makes justifications for his actions. 'She doth protest too loudly,' nein?

She does a lot of things too loudly, or so the neighbors say. I like her volume just fine.

But seriously, the butler? I know you're kind of...socially inept, but you'd have to be completely retarded to actually believe that one. What they've got is one thing, but what we have is quite another. I thought for sure that you'd be observant enough to see that without me needing to spell it out for you.

Besides, he's obviously gay. I know that from experience.

Do you have to bring that up again? I do well to forget that.

I love Walter immeasurably more than I could ever explain, but that doesn't mean that I want to get in his pants. Honestly. What kind of depraved moron would jump to such a conclusion?

Alucard, Alucard. Zere is no need for all of zis. Come now. Zee private life of und fraulein ist her business, ja?

Though, I have to admit, hearing it from your lips is rather... interesting to say the least, hm? Hah! Haha...

Ah, alas... I vasn't aware zat my own butler preferred to bat for zee other team! Somehow, I'm disappointed! But, zis doest explain zee... chemistry I sensed between him and zee Captain...

My, I'm losing track of my point. Vat were we discussing?

Interesting? Are you kidding? I'll tell anybody that asks that that woman belongs to me. Hell, I'll even tell the people that don't ask! I'm not ashamed!

You're lucky I only told you with words this time. The last guy that questioned my woman's loyalty wound up in a coma!

Yeah, because you tripped and fell into him, causing him to take a spill down the stairs.

Why you gotta bust balls?

You weren't complaining about that last night, were you?

.../wibble

There are not enough words in either the English or German language to properly describe my hatred for you.

Aha! Certainly zis is a discussion not meant for mein ears, ja? Please, please. [waves hands placatingly.] Let's not get into zoze waters.

I can't help but zink zat zis is all very... amusing, fraulein. I had no idea a voman of your calibur vas indulging herself so freely vith her own pet dog!

Hm, I vill have to ask und Doktor if zis ist considered bestiality! Ahahaha!

[He frantically flips through about three books, making a noise of surprise as one of them slips in the confusion and jumps to try to catch it, dropping the other two in the process. He looks among them for a moment with a pained shock before sighing dejectedly and picking them up again, mumbling something under his breath about 'damned catboys' in German.]

Let's see heeeere....Aha! Bestiality! [Reads diligently] Ahh, nein, nein. Unfortunately zis does not qualify. Unless he ist actually und dog..? Sadly ze vast majority lacks understanding of such matters. Alzough I do believe it could still be considered necrophilia!

Necrophilia! [snorts] Ja, I suppose zis vould qualify. [shakes head, tisking again.]

Vell zhen. I hope ve didn't... interrupt anyzing, Dok, ja?

Besides, REAL computers have a rename() system call. :-)
-- Larry Wall in <7937@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
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m-miss integra ?

is - is something the matter ?

(isawthatscarygermanmanwasbotheringyou)

In a word: Yes.

uwaa....

;-;

My thoughts exactly.

First of all, you started him on all of this by suggesting that I'm sleeping with a man that may as well be my father! Secondly, it was none of your concern in the first place and lastly...where is our 'Elite Disposal Unit'...?

There are a lot of people who are living in a rented property. Most of this rental contracts are for period of six or twelve months. Before being able to moving in, the renters has to deposit a large sums. Many rental contracts include clauses that at the end of tenancy the renter will have the property cleaned.

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