The other day I was minding my own buisness in my room. Alucard was out on one mission or another when I realize I forgot to tell him something before he left. So, naturally, I pick up the phone on my dresser and dial him.

*rrrring*

Alucard: *picks up, heavily accented* So. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Me: ...*sits stunned for quite a while before laughing* I hate you.

Alucard: *grinning* No, really! How much does a polar bear weigh?

The question, followed by a series of "I hate you"s ensued for quite some time as I went to the kitchen to get a drink, trying to be quiet so I wouldn't wake Seras.

Finally, while trying very very hard not to make it obvious how much I'm laughing (Damn his infectious grin), I concede.

Me: Alright, I don't know. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Alucard: *still accented* Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Vlad.

...

There are days, my friends, when I don't know whether I want to kiss him or kill him.

Note to self: If you ever forget to tell him to get milk, let it go.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing