I've had a nearly insatiable craving for cocoa lately.

I wonder what that means.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Okay, what?

Just when I thought that--

You know what? I just....I need a smoke.

We knew about this about a day or two before it was announced, but I'm still having trouble processing it. Of course, Iscariot is having a field day with this. I suppose this whole thing would be much worse if Maxwell were still an issue. He was much more...vocal than his replacement has been. It's a welcome change.

Still, I bet you can guess who isn't looking forward to work for the next few months.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

On that note, I'm completely not having taffy and Kool-aid for breakfast. I don't know what you're talking about. Alucard certainly had no idea about it, either.

alucard: go eat your taffy.
integra: ^-^
integra: taffyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~ ^-^/
integra: *pat pat* Taffy.
alucard: e_e b You just stay right there.. I'll be back.
integra: ^-^~! taffy.
integra: walter never lets me have taffy in the morning! you're the best!
alucard: Good thing I'm... INVISIBLE. Or I'd really get shit for this.
alucard: MWAHA!

This isn't a ploy to get a certain butler to throw things at me. No no.

Oh hey a leaf!

---
Sir Integra "Currently Engaged in an Epic Leaf-chase" Hellsing

Now, Walter. The floozies do not take that long.

---

Integra

What the...

...Proof that I don't need to be awake at seven in the morning.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

If anyone has ever wondered what my nights look like, this is pretty much it.

( Walter insists that he has the plague: a three-part saga )

Of course, we redeem ourselves with moments like these.

( :D! )

Integra

I hate everything in the world right now.

Well I can certainly tell you who isn't up at seven in the morning because she filled up on Halloween cookies and root beer somewhere around midnight.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Apparently this survey wants me to reveal 105 secrets about myself. Well, since I don't have to be at a meeting until later this afternoon, why not?

( 105 Secrets )

Well that was...secretive.

And now, I have eaten a decent breakfast and am ready to start the day.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

I've forgotten what I said to spur this, but I'm still laughing about it today.

alucard: What, is that a crack about how I don't have a heart?
integra: You have a heart!
alucard: I've impaled thousands!
integra: You have a heart, you just don't have a whole lot of patience.
alucard: . . .

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Of course the reports aren't ready yet. An hour later, you get another survey!

( The Chapter Survey )

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

I haven't done one of these in a while. It's fairly uninteresting, so feel free to skip it. I'm just wasting time until I get the night's report so that I can go to sleep.

( Survey )

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

So, I see that our new mercenary has found himself a journal here too.

Hello, Frenchman.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

alucard: I choked on my own throat.
alucard: Man, the pros and cons of being immortal number 23852: You cant die, but you /can/ be an idiot.
integra: that is going somew2here
alucard: You should put it somew7here.
integra: you know what you can do?
alucard: Somew3here great.
alucard: Wha9t can i do?
integra: don't you have some spit to choke on?
alucard: ...

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

integra: mm, my eyes are getting sreeepy
alucard: Psh, SLEEP IS FOR HUMANS.
alucard: ...
alucard: Oh, right.
integra: ...
alucard: Sorry.
alucard: :/
integra: well, you know...
integra: we CAN remedy that...
alucard: Nope, we cant.
integra: psht
integra: only because you won't get rid of that perverted coffin of yours
alucard: I can only please one human per day, today is not your day. Tomorrow isnt looking good either.
integra: how many other humans have you been pleasing?!
alucard: Oh, lets see here... NONE.
integra: oh the future isn't looking good for you, my friend
alucard: I'm not sure if you realize this.. But I'm a snail right now. A snail. Not a dog, or a bat, or mist, or even rats but a snail. And thats just awful.
integra: well you should have thought of that before you said you were pleasing other humans.
integra: and i wouldn't have had to say snailucard snailucard snailucard
integra: so you see how this is your own doing
alucard: . . . I hate you.
alucard: So much.
integra: you want me.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

I realize that the piano lessons that I took as a child never truly wore off. Sometimes, when I'm typing, my hands seem to think that they're playing a piano instead of typing up a report or whatever it is that I'm doing that day.

I just found that interesting.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Every time I clean, I realize exactly how much I love Swiffer. Because I can get so busy, dust tends to accumulate to a...well, a near frightening degree. But when I finally find time to clean, this product never ceases to amaze me.

Not to mention, when fully extended, the Swiffer duster is a perfect balance to use for baton twirling.

...I think I've said too much.

---
Sir Integra Wingates Swiffer Hellsing

The other day I was minding my own buisness in my room. Alucard was out on one mission or another when I realize I forgot to tell him something before he left. So, naturally, I pick up the phone on my dresser and dial him.

*rrrring*

Alucard: *picks up, heavily accented* So. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Me: ...*sits stunned for quite a while before laughing* I hate you.

Alucard: *grinning* No, really! How much does a polar bear weigh?

The question, followed by a series of "I hate you"s ensued for quite some time as I went to the kitchen to get a drink, trying to be quiet so I wouldn't wake Seras.

Finally, while trying very very hard not to make it obvious how much I'm laughing (Damn his infectious grin), I concede.

Me: Alright, I don't know. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Alucard: *still accented* Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Vlad.

...

There are days, my friends, when I don't know whether I want to kiss him or kill him.

Note to self: If you ever forget to tell him to get milk, let it go.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

I just recieved a book in the mail entitled "Shut Up and Drink Your Blood".

It's extremely cheesy and ridiculous, but there are a handful of things that actually made me laugh, the name included.

I just had to share the absurdity of that. I'll bet it was Alucard's doing. I need to keep him away from my computer when I'm gone.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

So after about a day or so, I finally got this working to my liking. Immeasurable thanks go to cosmicdesign. I could not have done it without you!!

Nothing to update at the moment. It's rare to find me actually active anywhere, as I try to keep myself busy at the office. This will mostly be a friends-only journal. Just a place to vent my thoughts and frustrations of every day life as it has become. I may do the same publically, but it will probably be a rarity.

That seems to be all.

---
Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing