News from the legal department; In regards to those who complained about the soot and ash from the July 4th fireworks display on their vehicles, your requests for compensation for car repairs has been denied, as ample parking was made available in the company's parking garage.

It's also important at this time of year to remember to wear sunscreen, as sun damage to your skin may or may not harm your careers as actors and actresses. The clinic has a few packets of SPF 30 for use, but supplies are limited. You should invest in your own.

I've also been told these are intended for daily, personal tidbits of information...

( ... )

In regards to the sexual harassment seminar's raffle, a Miss Hinata Hyuuga has won the day out with the company's owner, Madara Uchiha-Senju. Please come see me in office number 107 for information.

Thank you for attending, if you did.

In honor of the beginning of spring last week, human resources will be celebrating belatedly by giving out condoms with a biodegradable wrapper. You will also receive a complimentary gift bag of related goods after attending this year's sexual harassment seminar. Though the nature of the workplace is sexual, that does not mean you are exempt from being a professional. Employee attendance is not mandatory, but signing in and sitting through the seminar will reward you not only the gift bag, but two hours paid vacation time, and your name in the raffle to win an all-expenses paid night on the town with company owner, Madara Uchiha-Senju.

Thank you.

For the record, tampering with another employee's desk with malicious intent, and this includes pranks, is illegal and not conducive to a healthy work place environment. If you feel yourself with these urges, please see our on-site therapist. If you have a specific issue with another employee, please stop by human resources and talk it out with a staff member before acting foolishly.

Also if you work in the legal offices and require a compensation request form for the glasses of water in your office, or other issues, please stop by human resources to fill out the correct forms. If you have any information on the perpetrator, you are to be directed to legal services.

Also, Valentine's Day is approaching fast. The janitors have requested that this year, employees refrain from enjoying the bliss of relationships in the following areas: storage closets, stairwells, elevators, and the front lobby.

Thank you.

Gaara is poor and doesn't really make/have much money, most of what he earns pays for bills, so he just did a KIND GESTURE and had a bag of Christmas jelly beans put on each desk. The bags are about 3oz each. And a card that says "Happy Holidays" but no sender name.

He doesn't know his family well, so sorry, nothing special for anybody. :(

( AND THE OTHER TWO PEOPLE )

The holiday season is tough on many people. If it becomes too hard, remember we have a counselor on company grounds to talk you through these hard times.

Please do not commit suicide this holiday season. That is a bad gift without a return policy.

Thank you.

I would like to live near an active volcano.

I have been watching a marathon of a show called "Hauntings."

Demonic possession is fascinating. I would like to watch an exorcism, I think. Or visit a haunted house.

But I do not want to be possessed, or live in a haunted house.

The fumigation of my office wing is finally complete. I am relieved I do not have to work from home any longer. Phone calls are not easy to keep up with.

I will miss the desk worms.

I have discovered something new again. Yoga. I was told it relaxed the mind and body, and a certain exercise would help me to relax and fall asleep faster. I did it fifty times. It made me more awake. I was sore. I do not think yoga is for me.

There was an anonymous complaint filed that the vending machines were continuously taking money, yet not providing the food requested. "Eating money," was the term used.

That is not my department. You may direct it to the manager of food services.

I am sorry for your loss.

I also have a question about bubble baths. What is the best way to fill it entirely with bubbles without using the entire bottle of mixture. Thank you.