005
[PRIVATE
] So I've decided.
If there's no chance of a resolution, I won't tell him. But I can't just sit here and keep this to myself. I can't just
not tell him, but I mean, after everything, I don't want to fuck up his life with this too. Not if he doesn't actually want me around. Not if he'd only be in it out of obligation. That's--I'd rather do it alone than have that, although fuck knows how I'll do this alone. Mum and Dad are more than likely going to throw me out when they find out, make me deal with my own mistakes or something and I don't want to run to Fred or Stef with this, so... I don't know. It's not like I know how I'd manage to do it with him, either, though.
I just don't know. And I'm telling myself that I'm not going to worry about it until I have to deal with it. I'll start to worry about things once this Hogsmeade weekend is over
if he'll even come, ugh, and... Two weeks. I'm only two weeks. I've got a little while before---ugh.
I can't
believe my life has fucked itself over this much in just two weeks.
[/PRIVATE
][E, G, & M
] I figure I might at well let this out to you three, since you're going to find out about it soon enough anyway. I just first want to get your word that you'll never whisper a word of this outside the walls of our dorm to anyone, even to each other. I swear to God, you've got to
promise, and if you even think there's a chance you'll end up slipping up, tell me not to tell you.
[/E, G, & M
][CHRISTIAN
] I-- You probably hate me but-- Can we talk? Jaysus fucking-- There's something you should know I know you probably... well, probably can't stand to look at me right now, but well,
fuck if there's any tiny, hidden part of you that doesn't completely hate my guts, I would really like to see you at the Hogsmeade weekend next month.
I want to apologize, however belatedly. If nothing else, I just... I want to apologize. Please.
[/CHRISTIAN
] 