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-&& five ღツ
 I know I didn't know him. I know I never met him. Never even heard much about him other then if he was able to give her a ride. But it still hits me just as hard as if I had that he died. I don't know why. I've always handled death funny. I never let people in to see how I truly take it. I feel numb or dead when people die, even if I never knew them because the people I know and love are hurting without them. I'm a bit angry as well though right now. I feel as though my feelings don't matter or are being disregarded. That's a much deeper issue that I have to work out myself before I talk to the person though. I know it was something small but it did bug me just because my frame of mind right now.

Me and Shay are doing okay. He fell yesterday while we were helping a friend move. Slipped on the concrete steps outside and slammed his back onto them as the dresser fell on him and hit him in the face. The steps broke as he was walking down them and he just slipped and fell back from there. His legs are numb. He's in a lot of pain. I'm not doing so hot either. I can't hold down food. I'm having to force myself to eat so people don't worry. I'm not sleeping much, if anything I'm laying there awake all night or pretending to sleep so Shay isn't up all night worrying. I'm kind of a wreck inside right now and am not much for conversation or company. Kind of feel like a zombie. But do I have a right to be hit so hard when I didn't know him? Do my feelings matter on it? I don't know. I feel I'm being rather stupid. I didn't want to post but I felt I almost had to so here it is. That's all. I'll talk again later when I feel more up to it. I need to write some things just for myself for now. This is a temporary hiatus then. I'll be updating my private journal until I work things out in my head better.  I'm disabling comments because I don't wanna really talk about much right now concerning this. I am good for hanging out but inside I'm a wreck and need sometime to deal with that myself before I talk to many others about it or am able to hear what they are saying.