Strangest thing, last night we had a homeless guy sneak around back and try to pay one of the girls on her cigarette break for sex. He tried to pay her with a dead pigeon. Anyway when the cops came and arrested him, he went into this big rant about how he used to be a lawyer, and the economy destroyed him and on and on and it really made me realize something important.

I almost missed my car payment for the month. That was a close one, right?

Took a break after some private bodyguard work, and it would have been a blast, had a shark not bitten my finger off. And no, it wasn't some badass great white, it was a nurse shark. Go ahead and laugh, but just wait until one nabs your finger. Hurts, by the way.

I'll miss you, left-handed pinky. They asked if I wanted to kill the shark to reattach, but whatever. I hope it was a good meal.

I saw this commercial, um, on like saying no to peer pressure to send naked pictures over your cellphones or whatever. And there's something called "sexting," which is like... text messaging sex. Seriously? Kids are pretty damn imaginative because what the hell, that's not even... That'd take forever. Like, what the hell do you even do?

I don't think I want to know, actually. Like that computer cybering whatever. It's weird.

What's wrong with seeing each other in person, right? I think I'd rather see my girlfriend's tits in person than have a tiny picture on my damn phone. That would probably cost me some ridiculous fine from the phone company because my phone can only take 100 texts a month.

This outfit is ruining my life.

No, seriously. I'm not like... I'm a big guy, you know. Not like fat, but... I feel like some ugly drag queen. You know, it's kind of hard to take down a guy who tried to run on his tab when you're in this miniskirt and midrift shirt. It's kind of depressing. I think my self-esteem is ruined forever. I never wanted to realize how big my ass looked...

I'm thinkin of taking a load of vacation time until this is over. Anybody with me?

This weekend was killer. Tuesday morning, and I just now recover. I'd go out drinking but it's kind of shitty to go so early in the work week. So I know another great stress relief, yeah.

Anybody up for some competitive swimming?

( Private to Sasuke )

Today I found like, the most amazing thing.

It's a cheeto right, but...



Doesn't that totally resemble... a you know. It's got the clit thing and everything...

Character
Name: Kisame Hoshigaki
Age: 23
Sexuality: Heterosexual. It's not likely he would end up in a homosexual relationship, but if plot led to it, he could change. He definitely would not call himself bisexual, though. So it's safe to say hetero.
Role in company: Bodyguard at Angel's Hell, part-time security guard at Feel Good, INC.
PB: Hidetoshi Nakata

( continued... )