It's a strange feeling. No matter what, you will always feel strongly for your family members even if you are on shaky terms, if you have had a fight it will be the first thing to remind you how much you care for them with the feeling of remorse.
When they are gone, it hurts so bad like something is causing your chest to collapse. But at the same time, it was the love that you felt for them that helps you to continue on with life and cherish their memory.
They make you feel happy, content with yourself, bring a smile to your lips for no reason. It's something that can't really be put into words well as you can probably tell.
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