| truth |
[Jan. 11th, 2008|01:19 pm] |
Blogger,
I attribute the disappointment of my past week to the fact that I haven't taken the time to sort through my thoughts and separate truth from what might be. If I had written in this the past few nights, maybe I would not be biting my fist now it frustration and loneliness and frustration.
I'm a sucker for confusing dreams with what is real. Not in your fairy godmother sense of the term dream but.. what might be. A vision. A possibility. A minor probability.
I'm mad at myself for getting mad at someone I care about. They owe me nothing. This isn't the first time it's happened in the past few days. I just take it all with a nod and a smile, accepting the reassurance that is nothing more than a a few pixels that form heart.
I need to remember what is and go by that, not by what might be and pretend that it's o.k. to launch from.
With a nod and a smile, accepting it because it's just not real, right? It's just not.
Wrong. Feelings are real. And if you put them off for a long time, they'll eventually catch up to you and feed distrust and anger and tears.
Let me just say I don't wish any of them harm. I'm more so mad at myself because I want to be mad at them, and I want to want to be mean.
They don't owe me any thing but I wish they'd be honest. I wish they wouldn't jerk me around.
And I wish I'd stop letting them. The ones behind me that are the fuel for the fire... and the ones in my life now who don't deserve the flame.
Good will, huh?
What about actual actions? |
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