I realized also that theese little "clubs" were kind of crazy... but i think it was because with how things were thought of my brain was not focused really on that, it was always moving in a different seperate direction and i just knew that somewhere i had to keep heading on the path that i was.

But i know alot of times we always long for the past when things were so much easier to understand or what have you. We, as humans... want what we're comfortable with. we hate to explore the unknown or whats not known to us. it drives us up the wall.

i'm just glad, that reguardless, theres always just those few people, that respect and love me for who i am and where ive come from. its hard when you know that people may say they like you and then stab you in the back afterwards.

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Haha you know what's funny? If we had had this conversation two years ago up until a few months ago my outlook probably would have been a lot different. A lot meaner, a lot more cynical, if I even had the conversation with you at all. I was closed off in my own little world, hiding away from everybody but now I just have this attitude that it's ok if things seem bad. It's ok if things dont always go the way you want. It's ok if people leave you. It's ok if you don't have a lot of money because in the end there is always that small light, that little sliver of hope that will never die. Even though it may just be a seed, it eventually will blossom into something beautiful you just have to have patience and let it grow.

It's like this quote I posted a while back "Everything will be all right in the end, if it's not all right then it's not the end."

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i guess you would have to say the same thing with me.. if this was me two years ago, I would be freaking the heck out over every little thing, feeling that the entire world is out to get me and that i've been given the greatest injustice because i was given a life that was hard and blahblah blah

but for me now, i look at life as perhaps there was a bigger purpose and reason for me to be alive today. That there was a reason i was put on this earth, no matter how big or small the situation might be.

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