Public 020 -- sometimes wishing for the past |
[Jan. 29th, 2010|11:08 am] |
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see, i felt like most of the time when i wasnt intrigued with a fandom before, id get pulled out of the group of friends... but it was more after that huge incident that made me realize some things on a particular area.
But, its like we said before, we realize things as we grow up and change, whether it be for the better or worse, I just hope for others that see it, they see that its better then worse
Ngl, I totally used to try and get into fandoms I didnt like because everybody was in them but it was just so hard for me because i DIDNT like the stuff. SO i just kind of sidelined myself until it passed. Usually the people were still there after their little stint with whatever fandom.
I mean everybody wants to belong, right? Sometimes though you find out where you belong when you least expect it. After the fandom stints that I just couldn't get into my friends would still come back to me I never just ditched them because we just werent in the same thing. I stayed true to myself and my friends stayed true to me. That's how it should be. Ngl, I did get pissy and jealous beacause everybody would have their own little clubs and stuff for fandom that just wasn't for me. It's only human though. I'd get over it, which I always did. I've always sort of been the odd man out anyway so it was no big deal.
I realized also that theese little "clubs" were kind of crazy... but i think it was because with how things were thought of my brain was not focused really on that, it was always moving in a different seperate direction and i just knew that somewhere i had to keep heading on the path that i was.
But i know alot of times we always long for the past when things were so much easier to understand or what have you. We, as humans... want what we're comfortable with. we hate to explore the unknown or whats not known to us. it drives us up the wall.
i'm just glad, that reguardless, theres always just those few people, that respect and love me for who i am and where ive come from. its hard when you know that people may say they like you and then stab you in the back afterwards.
Haha you know what's funny? If we had had this conversation two years ago up until a few months ago my outlook probably would have been a lot different. A lot meaner, a lot more cynical, if I even had the conversation with you at all. I was closed off in my own little world, hiding away from everybody but now I just have this attitude that it's ok if things seem bad. It's ok if things dont always go the way you want. It's ok if people leave you. It's ok if you don't have a lot of money because in the end there is always that small light, that little sliver of hope that will never die. Even though it may just be a seed, it eventually will blossom into something beautiful you just have to have patience and let it grow.
It's like this quote I posted a while back "Everything will be all right in the end, if it's not all right then it's not the end."
i guess you would have to say the same thing with me.. if this was me two years ago, I would be freaking the heck out over every little thing, feeling that the entire world is out to get me and that i've been given the greatest injustice because i was given a life that was hard and blahblah blah
but for me now, i look at life as perhaps there was a bigger purpose and reason for me to be alive today. That there was a reason i was put on this earth, no matter how big or small the situation might be. | |