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WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29th, 2008 @ 8:58pm I might make a new lj. The last one I had was from 2004 to like 2006 when all the depression and stupid shit was going on. Eh, maybe. I have to go in for 6 tomorrow, this leaves me time for nothing right now. MONDAY, OCTOBER 6th, 2008 @ 9:05pm Oh October. I've realized many things today. 1.) Don't panic. 2.) I don't want to turn 22. Seriously. Ok, not too seriously. But it still sucks. Getting older sucks. Every year I have to defend my stupid sense of humor that much more. Every week for the last month I'll say, "Tomorrow I'm going to start eating right again, I got off track." And well...I think I gained like 4 or 5 (pushing 6) pounds back. No. Those need to come off. Those plus a lot more. In a way it's awesome to see that I've lost so much of the weight I put on since school. That I can wear things that I haven't fit in since I was like 17. But then it sucks because I had to trash half the clothing I had because it's 4 sizes too big now. So I equal poor now. I feel anxious. Always.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 29th, 2008 @ 9:06pm The chances are high that I have a kidney infection. I have to go up to the hospital either Wednesday morning or Thursday morning. 12 hour fast for the blood work they're giving me too. I actually hope it's just something this simple. Blah blah blah. I called off of work because my sides and lower back were killing me since last night. Then I felt horrible for calling off. Fuck that place and the guilt trips. Actually, you leave the message on voicemail so it's not a guilt trip, I'm just making it out to be one. 1,000 different things are killing my brain right now.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26th, 2008 @ 5:54pm So Tiff had her baby yesterday. It didn't sink in until Mike called and told me her water broke the night before. It's a realization that we're all getting older and changing. Why does everything always make me sad? I finally get to go to the doctors on Monday. I was hoping that when I called on Monday and said, "I'm in pain down both of my sides and it's spreading into my back" they would say, "Okay come in today." But, my doctors office sucks. And they say, "Well, we have an opening on Monday..." I don't know why I bother. I hurt :( Um...yea.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22nd, 2008 @ 8:17pm I....................................... need a second chance. I....................................... would probably find a way to eff that one up too. I'm going to finish reading Choke sometime this week. I look back on all these books I bought and only read like two chapters out of. My attention span sucks. I still have to watch that movie I borrowed. And finish painting my kitchen, and work on my not-so-super-hawt parallel parking skills, finish painting the spare room...and bedroom, and like 9 million other things that I don't do because I'm lazy. I would like a robot for Christmas. Or a clone. But I think even my clone would be a lazy bitch. I shall return another time.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21st, 2008 @ 6:17pm People confuse me. And today, I'm just mostly lazy. I don't know what it means, and I'm sick of deciphering the metaphors. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19th, 2008 @ 10:12pm I suck at driving, mostly. I almost got Jess and me killed today after work. The car in front of me made a right turn, I was going to make the left. I didn't stop before I pulled out of the lot into traffic like I should have. I can't guestimate distance and the guy was a lot closer than I thought. If I stopped like Jess told me to as soon as she realized it, he would have smashed right into the car and I'd be dead. I could deal with myself getting hurt but if anyone in my car ever gets messed up because of my craptastic driving skills I'm giving up on it. Driving right after work SUCKS. I'm usually irritable when I leave the place. For the past month and a half it's like the last hour and a half are the hardest. My mind is in a frenzy. I guess I'm going to have to start waiting like 5 or 10 minutes in the car before I go or else I'm going to get someone killed. All week I kept waking up and desperately waiting for the weekend so I could attempt to sleep in. Now it's here and tomorrow I have to get up early to go shop for paint for my kitchen. ...I think the universe has something against me. I had stuff to rehash but I'd rather go pass out right now instead.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17th, 2008 @ 7:51pm Sometimes when I'm bummed out and feel like reenacting my teen angst phase I'll say, "Nobody understands right now. Nobody knows how I feel and I can't relate to anyone on this." And my little voice of reason will remind me that there's a song for every situation. Meaning: someone else was indeed in the same situation. The only difference is that they had the talent to stick their words together to form a song and then got rich from it. Go figure. ... Are you taking this in, am I wasting my breath? Did I ruin my chance, have you written me off? [Thrice]
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16th, 2008 @ 8:06pm Mom's brakes went in her van. So she has to borrow my car for work tonight...instead of just taking David's truck and getting home in time for him to go to work. I know I shouldn't get so pissy about this but I can't really help it. It's going to be in a parking lot all night where asshole customers don't care about anything. I'm anxious. That and the fact that she smokes like a fiend and will probably reek of cigarette smoke when she gets in the car. I'll commit an act of murder. :)
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12th, 2008 @ 8:32pm I got a car!! The guy is going to keep it in his garage for me until Tuesday when we can get there to get the title and tag. I'm...amazed. I got to the point where I hated Tuesdays because that was when David and me went out to look around at cars and every time he'd find something wrong with something or just tell me something I didn't want to hear. I decided to just not get excited about anything I found after last week because I hated getting my hopes up just to be broken down. Seriously, when you're not looking for things they'll speed right to you. When you're looking, you never seem to find anything. Now all I have left is my test on the 14th. I hope I don't mess up too bad. But seeing as how I came about a foot from running a police officer over the other day and I wasn't stopped for it, I think I'll be okay.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9th, 2008 @ 9:43pm Something good NEEDS to happen this week. I'm avoiding Tiff like the plague because I'm still pissed about that car and how self-centered she still is after 2 years of not talking. Ohh just breathe. SUNDAY, APRIL 20th, 2008 @ 9:01am Aww, there's no place like GJ. I can't get used to writing in this. Actually wait...I just have nothing to write about. Haha, now I remember. SUNDAY, JANUARY 27th, 2008 @ 3:09pm Jarrod came over last night and we did mushrooms. I was all prepared for them to taste so bad that I wouldn't want them but to me they kind of taste like a peanut butter. It took longer than an hour for mine to hit me and when they did I was just laughing at everything, seeing the patterns on my couch kind of glow, and then kept seeing Jarrod kind of blur and shadow. So obviously anything like that is cool with me. It was a little after 4 when I tried to sleep. From 4 to 4:30 when I heard David come home seemed like it took forever. Then I'm laying there and I'm amazed at how amplified everything sounded. Maybe he was just that drunk and loud but I doubt it. I heard him like crashing up the steps and slamming the hamper lid shut from over my mom's. Then I went back to sleep and all was well. Today I have cramps and feel like death. Obviously this is why I was in a horrible "I'll kill you if you even smile at me" kind of mood all week. This is why being a girl sucks. Guys have it so easy and they don't even know it. I'm glad I have nothing to do today. |
worried
confused
apathetic
calm