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[My FF.net Account] [Ongoing Fic Post] [Wingless Archangel Studios]
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03:37 am

[info]tigerkat24

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CREEPY. Jesus. That entire last half is freaky in a way I don't even know how to articulate, but the whole thing is freaky and very well done and AUGH. CREEPY. I'm not going to sleep tonight, thanks.

Some specific points:

The first paragraph is a little clunky; it feels kind of like an infodump and I can't explain why.

"...more decoration than functional for what good is a lock in a palace of earthbenders?" You might want to have a comma after functional here.

"Don't fret, precious. Don't fret." HELLO CREEPY. AUGH.

""Oh, aren't you precious?" he comments, annoying her." Nice touch there.

"He's a firebender, but that's a secret." AUGH CREEPY. Nicely done.

"Yui has to close her eyes - she doesn't want to say. But he wants to know." AUGH AUGH AUGH. *flails*

""That's all right, Yui-darling. They always fight," he tells her, stroking her hair a bit more.

Oh. That's all right, then." *runs screaming*
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