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Hmm... oh it is so freezing here. Some entries can be public.
~Today I bought a bag of Bali Shag tobacco because it's been a while since that smell was in my car. I still can't hand roll cigarettes for the life of me. I drove to the beach. I bundled up in quite a few hoodies and walked for a little awhile and my hands froze while I smoked my cigarettes. I wish it was warmer. The beach seemed unspectacular... it's too cold here. The grass on the way there was cold and crunchy and I felt like I was stepping on waffles. The sun had already set.

I didn't ask myself "What have I gotten myself into?".

Instead I asked when I could get myself out.

I really want to leave this place. I'm finally saving money. I feel so much internal change it's grand but I feel like i'd be so much happier just doing this somewhere else. I dispise being here at home. I've recently started to enjoy driving. It gives me hope that if I really wanted to, I don't HAVE to come home. That's a hope I want to cling to with every fiber of my being.

Until then, it's monotony. Cycles of friends and heartache. I really dispise it... but I guess I have to just deal for at least a little longer.