cris • tee • nuh (cristina_lacosa) wrote,
@ 2008-04-08 12:23:00

Entry tags:

+++elizabethflavors

B E L L ¤ elizabeth

Happy • Angry • Sad • Concerned • Scared

Crying • Giddy • First Crush • Yule Ball • Innocent

Betrayed • Baby • Best Friend • Working • Traumatized

Wary • Drunk • Flustered • Bitchy • Paternal-Love

First Year • Graduating • Sorting • Hogwarts • Pick Your Own

??/25

¤ Traumatized

"Would you like some peas, Liz?"

The girl blinked, eyes moving from her plate to the bowl her mother was offering. She stared at it for a moment before a light shake of her head declined the offer. Another blink, and her eyes were back on her plate, a heavy breath heaving through her chest.

Her father was sitting beside her, and he bent over the table, to try and catch her eye.

"But you love peas!"

Liz shrugged and did her best to avoid her father's gaze, twisting her head away from him. She felt him shift again and hoped that he was going to assume she was being a moody teenager. When they didn't question her further, Liz's shoulders loosened and her head dropped forward again, eyes tracing the flowery pattern around the edge of the plate.

She just wanted to go to bed. She wanted to go to bed, and go to sleep. She wanted to go to bed, she wanted to sleep, and she wanted to never wake up.

Actually--she wanted to take a shower.

Liz's chin lifted and she looked over to her mother. Her head was ducked as she ate, and Liz opened her mouth to address her, but the second her mother's head lifted, Liz's eyes darted away. She couldn't talk to her mother, she'd figure out she was lying about something, and then she'd have to tell her and she'd be mad. Who wouldn't be mad at her? She--she wasn't a virgin, anymore. She was a bloody whore, having sex at---fifteen.

The thought made Liz's eyes well and she ducked her head again, pushing her arms into her sides. Her father could always tell when she was lying, he would know if he touched her, he would be able to tell. Did your face change, when you had sex? Marlie always talked about how women change after they---after they---

She stood up quickly, not bothering to push in her chair.

"Liz?"

"Ihavetogotothebathroom--"

Liz froze when her father's hand gripped around her wrist, and she turned back to him, tears immediately spilling out of her eyes, "Please I need to take a shower, I need to get it off me, please Daddy just--"

Her mother stood up then, rushing around the table as all of a sudden the room became quite loud. Her dad was questioning her in a serious tone, her mother was trying to calm her down in a shrilly, high-pitched voice, and Liz could not figure out how they knew, how they knew to be upset and angry with her because she hadn't told them but somehow---why were they so worried if they knew? She must look so dirty--

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to!"

"Want to what!" Her father had taken her by the shoulders now, pushing her down into the chair. They were going to make her say it?

"I---I---he---he---"

At this point her mother was in hysterics--she'd always been dramatic, and Liz didn't know how this had all escalated so quickly, maybe they had been thinking that she was a sleeping around and--and---"He--I didn't want to, Daddy, I didn't--"

"Lizzie, Liz, it's okay, just---" Her dad was on his knees now beside her, and Liz stared at him with wide, fearful eyes, "Just tell us what happened."

Could she? She felt so stupid for it, she didn't know how she'd let it happen, it--Evan was her friend and---Seeing her parents so upset about a thought of what it could be made her lip quiver and she nodded, trying to take a breath to recall--everything. Everything, but--she couldn't tell on Evan. If he found out--and if he got in trouble----her whole life would be ruined. Everyone in Hogwarts would know she was a slut and--

"It----in town, the other day---" she began to lie.

¤ Crying

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!”

Liz waved a wild hand at Rian, using her other to cover her mouth as she tilted over to her side on the couch. Rian’s mouth hung open in a shocked smile as he watched her laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Just like she said she wouldn’t. “I only showed you that because you promised not to laugh!”

Of course, that made her laugh even harder and fall off the couch. Rian shook his head, standing and snatching the picture frame off of Liz’s lap with a flourish. His wide smile betrayed his act of annoyance, and she clambered back onto the couch, reaching out to him as if he was her lifeline.

“Help---help me up!” she gasped through her tears, shoulders still shaking as she attempted to stop her laughter. Rian lifted his chin as if to ignore her pleas, but put out a hand and Liz latched on. He lifted her off the ground easily as he was a good foot taller than her. Liz stumbled but was held upright and managed to catch her footing. Oh dear God, that was the funniest thing she’d ever seen, and she shoved him in the chest, “That’s not just a bad haircut, Rian!”

“Okay, so I had a really bad haircut,” he lamented, rolling his eyes. “I was fourteen! I thought I looked cool!”

“You looked like a porcupine!”

“It was the summer before fifth year, I was trying to get a date,” he said, feigning a snooty voice. He could never keep a straight face around Liz, though, and a smile cracked through his serious expression. “I mean, what did youlook like at fourteen? Awkward Liz at her finest, I bet!”

Her eyes lit up to tell him of the terrible idea she and Marlie had to dye their hair with streaks of purple, but as her mind shot back to the summer before fifth year, she realized that she hadn’t been looking for boys. She had actually been avoiding any and all men and boys, and her shoulders drooped as the memories flooded back. It was strange; years of her life had been wiped from her mind, but the terrible experiences she had desperately wished to erase seemed more vivid than before.

Rian noticed her change in temperament immediately and his expression grew concerned, “Did I hit a nerve?”

Liz opened her mouth to respond with the usual lie about having been grounded all summer, but she pressed her lips tightly together to stop herself. She didn’t want to lie to Rian like she had lied to so many people before. While a lot of the ‘same’ Liz had come back to her, she had told herself that she was going to be braver, to stick up for herself instead of panicking and frantically going through her issues. Lily had fought for her, Lily had died for her so---Liz could at least start telling people the truth.

“I…” She swallowed hard, and it was Rian’s gentle hand on her waist that gave her the courage she’d been searching for, “I didn’t have a very good summer before fifth year.”

She let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair. Rian knew she had issues, he knew that she had baggage from the war and he’d accepted all of it. He’d accepted that she had been married and had a kid, and that while strained, she still had a decent relationship with Ian. He had been so wonderful with her, with his patience, while she tried to get her life back in order. How would he react to knowing that she had been messed up even before You-Know-Who had truly risen?

Rian frowned and sat down onto the edge of the coffee table, tugging Liz to sit down across from him on the couch. She could tell from the look in his eyes that his mind was already jumping to the worst conclusions, and with a father whose limbs were constantly being torn off, Liz could understand why.

“What happened?” he asked cautiously, and Liz rolled her eyes to the ceiling to try and keep her tears at bay. She really wanted to explain everything to him without becoming a hysterical mess, but she’d only ever told Ian and Lily about her secret and they had to love her. Ian had been her husband and Lily her best friend; they had obligations to accept the truth.

“I---I was young and…I was seeing this bloke…” Liz couldn’t even speak his name, even though she had cursed him every night for years. It sickened her to think about, but she had been so glad when she’d been told that Evan Rosier had been killed. He should have been a long time ago. “And he…” Liz let out a breath, staring back down at Rian with a defeated expression. “He raped me, I was raped.”

That did not feel as tremendous as she remembered it being from when she told Lily in school. Liz could barely recall the conversation with Ian, but it had been nowhere near as calm as it was right now. Rian held her hands tightly in his, his face pained but somewhat understanding. He squeezed her hands and let out a breath,

“You didn’t have to tell me,” he said with a sympathetic smile. Rian reached up and put his hand on her cheek and Liz pushed into the caress. “Are you okay?”

It was a simple question, but it warmed her heart. Liz felt like she hadn’t been asked that in a long, long time. She smiled and nodded a few times. She let out a choked laugh that caused some tears to fall, but she lifted her hand quickly and wiped them away.

“Yeah, I---I am,” she said with a nod, and her hands went out to wave Rian toward her. He pushed forward and closed the small space between them and the hug he enveloped her in was warm and strong. Liz dropped back into the couch with a content sigh and they held each other in that awkward position, Liz’s feet still planted on the ground with Rian’s knees pressed between them. She was okay, and she was very okay with staying like this, and with him, for a long time.

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