Michael and I decided on Thursday that we needed a break. It's been a long time coming, and while it was done mostly by text messages it's really the only way we've been able to communicate lately. I had my little panic attack about it but went to bed thinking that, you know, maybe it will be for the better and so on and so on and if we're meant to be we're meant to be. Maybe like some Valesco land fairy tale XD

Anyway, this morning I wake up and my brother has a message in his facebook inbox from a mutual friend of all three of us (Michael, Carlos, and me). Rob, the friend, says one of his friends, saw Michael making out with someone else. I...have to be honest and say that I wasn't entirely surprised. I was hurt, but with the way we've been, it wasn't a surprise. Michael's denying it, and the girl who "saw" this is someone that none of my friends trust, and has been trying to get with Michael since high school. It's just very sketchy that this news comes up the DAY after we decide we need a break.

So I really don't know what I'm/we're doing right now. I wanted to talk face to face with him tonight, but he said he was going out and that's how we've been for the past few months. He goes out with his friends, not giving me any information about it, and I'm home. It's a good thing I love all of you guys because I would've been much more miserable than I'm realizing I was, and...yeah, idk really. If he doesn't want to talk to me, I feel like things aren't as important to him as he said they were just yesterday, and that I should probably start thinking about moving on. Which sucks, which really, really sucks. He was telling me yesterday about how he does want to someday marry me, that I can never be replaced, but now there's no time to talk about us. I'm trying to take the advice I spew out to you guys and all my friends and go on with my life and everything I want to do but it's difficult seeing as I have had him in my life for the past nine years, and all of a sudden it's like. We're on our own.

Half of me is like FUCK HIM the other half is like...somewhat relieved. Which is shitty to say but the stress we've both been under really has been fucking everything up.

IDK. fml, really. Earlier this week I had the worst scare, that my parents wouldn't be able to pay for school after weeks of being excited for it, but they did somehow pull through. Then I got shit on at work for doing something Hallmark-Stupid and it's just been one thing after another XD Soooooo yeah, I'm trying to be upbeat about everything and not really freaking out (did that with Nicholas today lol "Michael not your friend anymore??") soooooooooo yes.

I just figured I'd write this down so I wouldn't have to repeat it a million times XD