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only the end of the red
The colors have built up in my mind
They're bleeding through my heart
And nobody knows that they exist
Look at my bursted veins
Now do you see the red in me
It's a sign for the end

Only the end of the red
Will show you my blue side

I've been given my brush and plate
But where will i paint my life
And will the buyer in the sky
Believe in what i dream
And it's so hard for me to explain
What i will miss
To myself

______

HAPPY NEW YEAR guyssssss
<3

Yesterday I woke up late and Drew's mom told me he finally got some of our letters and he wrote back. I was beyond excited. So I had some coffee with Mrs. Carolyn and Mr. Larry and talked for a while and read his letters. After I left their house i went to give Alexis the letter Drew wrote her, only I forgot yesterday was her birthday. Like...i KNEW...but i didn't...you know?
Anyway so I have her hugs and kisses and ended up staying for dinner. Grumpy Kutter left early because he's sick. I gave her her Christmas present as well as the letter.
Ian's brother was there. Nick? I forget his name, but I like him. He's big now. He's in HS and everything. It's really weird. I mean he's always been pretty cool, but it's weird to see him look almost my age. *shrug*
After dinner with them I went home and put make up on and smoked a bowl with mommy.
I played cards while waiting on Brittany and David to come pick me up.
When they got there we got some rum and went to Brit's sister's house. I mixed drinks the wrong way and ended up throwing up all night and not even close to tipsy or drunk. Real disappointment, on the reals. :) heh...
BUT we ended up all decorating some wife beaters and going to Dick and Jane's. I had a blast. We danced for ever and i saw so many people that I miss.
Devin, Kym, Kata's brother Drew, Ame, David Williams, and a few others were there. Everyone being around really excited me. Too bad I was so sick. Ugh.
I'll put pictures up as soon as I get some!
Brittany Smith amazes me with her body and how great of a dancer she is. She seriously blows my mind.

Gee I sure wish some of my mom friends would have been there.

I'm tired. My legs hurt. Drew's visitation is in a few days. Today I'm resting and going to sleep early. In like 4 or 5 hours. No lie.


(I do wish I could be consistent with anything. My opinions don't even stay the same. "I hate you...no I love you..no, I don't care, no, I love you again, wait I don't know. Don't talk to me.")

At this particular moment I hate my mom's bf, Chris, and Sarah.
I'm sure that will change soon. Maybe in a matter of minutes.

THAT is why I love Drew. He's the only person I know who understands it.