Let's see...you are personifying asshatery, whatever that is.
Cannibalism = "baked in a casserole dish" (Let's just hope this is some sort of imagery instead of anything else. But then on second thought, there's some sort of reference to god and that whole lot of junk. It makes you sound a lot like Loony though.)
Violence = "break[ing] it's face and bash[ing] it's head in with a bludger's bat."
Cruelty = "feed[ing] it generic food and water from the tap."
So all in all, fairly twisted, I'd say.
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