Alvin Alkeinos, Jr.

codemuncher

5/24/09 05:28 pm

Hi Dear My Fellow graduates,

As your class of 2009 valedictorian, I was charged with the task of writing and delivering to you a semi-original and borderline-inspirational commencement speech. So, here goes. The trials of the past four years have been different for all of us, and we've all learned something different from the experience. As we go out into the world that lies beyond these four walls 

I have learned that the water pressure in the third toilet stall in the men's bathroom on the first floor is the lowest, so if one must receive a swirly, it should be in that one. I have learned that I won't miss your childish antics. And I have recently learned that just because I have the highest grade point average in the class and the highest documented IQ in the state, it does not exempt me from the phenomenon known as writer's block.

Speechwriting blows.

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• Allie

  codemuncher

  5/27/09 12:49 am (UTC)

  

  What have you been telling her? You're the only one who knows that I'm gonna fall, but oh look, here comes stupid Tuesday! What is this, revenge of the attention deficit?! I thought the fucking losers had to torment the asswipe popular kids to get validation, but since there's no 'supernatural popularity' superpower, I guess tormenting the other losers with her dumbshit cocksucking superpowers will have to do, huh?!

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    zombieslikewhoa

    5/27/09 12:58 am (UTC)

    

    Did you smoke crack?
    
    What... the fuck are you talking about?
    
    1) I don't know who Tuesday is. To my knowledge, it is a day of the week.
    
    2) The only people who know that you are going to fall at your graduation are Lucy... and maybe Gabe. I might have mentioned it to him. If not, I'll make a note to do so.
    
    3) What the fuck are you talking about? All I'm getting is 'paranoid delusion, paranoid delusion, paranoid delusion'.

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    • Allie

      codemuncher

      5/27/09 01:05 am (UTC)

      

      Not the day of the week! Tuesday Zane. Dumbass up there being all...dumb... The salutatorian! Thinks just because she's got stupid enhanced memory now it entitles her to like...exist. She keeps trying to talk to me.

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        zombieslikewhoa

        5/27/09 01:16 am (UTC)

        

        Oh, that person-not-day-of-the-week. So she's got powers too, and they make her smart... which in turn pisses you off because no body else except you can be smart?
        
        Tell her that your big sister will suffocate her with bubble wrap. Problem solved.

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        • Allie

          codemuncher

          5/27/09 01:27 am (UTC)

          

          I wouldn't care if she didn't feel the need to continually make sure I am aware of her existence. Anyway, she was fucking nobody before all this. It took me four years to get here, and she pulls up to second in the class in a semester?
          
          Thanks, but there's a zero tolerance policy at school for death threats. As you should remember. Mr. MacRay says hi, by the way, and congratulations on the engagement. He says he expects an invite to the wedding.

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            zombieslikewhoa

            5/27/09 01:33 am (UTC)

            

            God, that girl is persistent! I thought I was annoying. Christ. Just ignore her? You're part of a superpowered team, get somebody to inflict bodily harm on her. Or someshit.
            
            I think I may be the reason said policy was instated, no need to thank me. Want me to tell her I'll suffocate her with bubble wrap, because I've actually got a roll of it at the apartment.
            
            How the hell did MacRay find out that I'm engaged? I should probably make the guy the maid of honour, or something, with the amount of time I spent in detention those four years. Coolest. Detention. Teacherpersoncreature. Ever.

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            • Allie

              codemuncher

              5/27/09 01:38 am (UTC)

              

              Basically.
              
              You would probably strike fear into her heart. They still tell stories about you and Amy.
              
              He asked me how you were. I told him you were effervescent with happiness over your recent engagement. He said he was proud of you for finally getting over Sherlock, and I told him no, that's who you were marrying. I didn't really get the rest of what he said. He was laughing too hard.

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                zombieslikewhoa

                5/27/09 01:43 am (UTC)

                

                As they should, I fucking ruled that school with my awesomeness, mang. We Alkeinoses have a legacy at Wando High School. Do they still talk about how Amy made that one teacher cry, and then she quite like a week later?
                
                Bitchtits. I take back the coolest detention monitor thing.

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                • Allie

                  codemuncher

                  5/27/09 01:46 am (UTC)

                  

                  Yeah, they do. I swear I heard a couple of the English teachers planning a party in our honor. Or rather, in honor of the fact that there are no more Alkeinoses left to teach.

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                    zombieslikewhoa

                    5/27/09 01:49 am (UTC)

                    

                    Mom or Dad probably have a lovechild or something. We've got some OCD, cold-hearted, spastic half-sibling somewhere. You graduate. They'll pop up.
                    
                    It never fails.

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                    • Allie

                      codemuncher

                      5/27/09 01:53 am (UTC)

                      

                      That's disturbing on so many levels.

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                        zombieslikewhoa

                        5/27/09 01:55 am (UTC)

                        

                        WHAT IF TUESDAY ZANE IS YOUR DEMON HALF-SISTER!? IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
                        
                        Euw... that is disturbing.

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                        • Allie

                          codemuncher

                          5/27/09 02:00 am (UTC)

                          

                          Ew. Right. I always wanted my very own skinny hippie white girl half-sister? She does have a lip piercing, though, so she might fit in better than I do.

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                            zombieslikewhoa

                            5/27/09 02:06 am (UTC)

                            

                            That sounds like the worst kind of half-sister I've ever heard of. Skinny, white and hippie-ish?
                            
                            You fit in just fine with our family. You're maladjusted and you've got your uber kewl MATHZ tattoo.

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