Alvin Alkeinos, Jr.

codemuncher

5/24/09 05:28 pm

Hi Dear My Fellow graduates,

As your class of 2009 valedictorian, I was charged with the task of writing and delivering to you a semi-original and borderline-inspirational commencement speech. So, here goes. The trials of the past four years have been different for all of us, and we've all learned something different from the experience. As we go out into the world that lies beyond these four walls 

I have learned that the water pressure in the third toilet stall in the men's bathroom on the first floor is the lowest, so if one must receive a swirly, it should be in that one. I have learned that I won't miss your childish antics. And I have recently learned that just because I have the highest grade point average in the class and the highest documented IQ in the state, it does not exempt me from the phenomenon known as writer's block.

Speechwriting blows.

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• Unamusing Thing #2

  weirdipedia

  5/27/09 02:39 am (UTC)

  

  ...no way. Bubble wrap was made to be popped.
  
  Alvin Alkeinos has nuts?
  
  For serious!? He said I was smart? That's a first. Mostly, I catch him muttering under his breath about how infinity stupid I am. You sure you didn't take it out of context? Like...'Tuesday is so smart that she couldn't find her way out of a plastic sack...'?

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  • Unoriginal Skinny White Hippie Chick

    zombieslikewhoa

    5/27/09 02:50 am (UTC)

    

    It also works pretty well to suffocate people.
    
    Okay, now. This is where you should have just stopped and not turned my statement into something gross. That is a question you don't pose to someone's sister.
    
    Honestly he didn't say you were smart, I was just being facetious. He doesn't work well with others.

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    • Alvin's Strange Sister

      weirdipedia

      5/27/09 02:55 am (UTC)

      

      Huh. I hadn't thought about that. Now I have a mental image of someone being suffocated, and while they flail around in a futile effort to escape, it pops a bunch of the bubbles. That's kind of morbid.
      
      Hey, dude. It was just a question. Can't be after something he doesn't have, right?
      
      Chyeah, I didn't think so. He's such a little hater. No offense, I know he's your brother and all, but you gotta admit. He brews some wicked hater-aid.

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      • Strange? What kind of a name is Tuesday?

        zombieslikewhoa

        5/27/09 03:23 am (UTC)

        

        Isn't it? Okay, I can't do this creepy thing much longer. It's starting to weird me out.
        
        So basically you're telling me that you like my brother? Good luck with that.
        
        ...hater-aid. He's an asshole, he always has been and always will be. Obvs he sees you as a threat or something; feel privileged.

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        • The normal kind? I think my parents were stoned..

          weirdipedia

          5/27/09 03:30 am (UTC)

          

          Uh, no. Not so much. I mean, he's an interesting guy, but the whole asshole thing is a massive turn off, ya know? Plus, I'm pretty sure he hates my soul.
          
          A threat? Man, that guy can slay me at fuckin' everything, and he thinks I'm a threat? The boys got a complex.

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          • My name is Slavic, but my parents pretend it's of hispanic descent?

            zombieslikewhoa

            5/28/09 01:13 am (UTC)

            

            My brother hates everyone's soul, even mine. And our older sister's. But she's a trif'lin' bitch, so that's okay. Don't take a personal offense to it. That's just who Junior is. I keep telling him he should be nicer, but he gives me this condescending look and tells me to fuck off. Such a sweetie.
            
            You've no idea.

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            • Uh-huh...sure..

              weirdipedia

              5/28/09 04:13 am (UTC)

              

              How sad. Doesn't he know that it's easier to be nicer? One day, that stick he has lodged up his yahoo is going to come out his mouth.
              
              I don't think I mind having no idea much. Not in this case.

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              • You know what...

                zombieslikewhoa

                5/29/09 02:10 am (UTC)

                

                He doesn't even know what the word nice means, in my opinion. And that brings about horrible mental images.
                
                Well you're the lucky one then.

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