| breakdown |
[21 Feb 2007|03:58pm] |
I'm having a bad week.. I had a physical/mental breakdown at work yesterday, snapped at someone I probably shouldn't have, went home sick and ended up bawling the whole way out of the building. For those that don't have endometriosis and don't understand what I'm going through, I can only attempt to put it into perspective by saying I've had several surgeries, including a hysterectomy, and this pain is about a hundred times worse than it ever was after any of those procedures. I also have the luxury (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't,) of having a disease that isn't visible, so while there are naturally a lot of people who don't know very much about my disease, there are a handful who make me feel like they think I'm making it up or something. All I have to say to that is that I wish I could still bleed so I could stain the office carpet with it, or collect it in a cup and pour it all over their desks. My husband's suggestion was to gather some pictures off the internet of what endo looks like and put them on a t-shirt that says "this is what I look like on the inside - still think I'm not sick??" I'm half tempted, honestly.
I have an appointment tomorrow with a pain clinic that my doctor referred me to. I don't know what they're going to do for me, as I've already explained I don't do well with narcotics and over the counter drugs don't work, but they assured me that there are other ways to manage pain. That's great, but I wonder if I can afford them.. if it's anything 'experimental' or natural my insurance company won't pay for it, so I'd be on my own there. Then again, I don't know everything (*gasp* the horror!) so maybe they have something up their sleeve that doesn't make me sedated, whacked-out or nauseous. That'd be nice.
Oh, and I chopped my hair today. Got tired of dealing with it, (it was down to my waist) and now it's resting comfortably near my shoulders. It's layered, and kind of cute. I just wanted something easier and to have the dead ends cut off. I also deleted my MySpace account, (not that it has anything whatsoever to do with my hair) - I've always hated that site, and I hate the way people use it as an email account or alternate way to contact me. Why can't you just call, or text message for fuck's sake? Despite what the emerging generation might think, posting a bulletin is not an acceptable form of communication. If you have news to share and you're really my friend, you'll tell me directly.
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