This is how it has always been with me. Give me something good, I'll destroy it. Love me, I'll destroy you. I have never felt deserving of anything in my life. I have never felt as if I were worth the diseased space I occupy. This feeling has inhabited everything I've ever done, seen or had anything do with, and it has infected every relationship I have ever had with everyone I've ever known. I don't understand it. I don't understand why it's here.