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[30 Mar 2008|10:17pm] |
I hate to admit this. I have been friends with the same people for a long time. My closest friend and i have known each other for 10 years, the rest I've known about 2 or 3 years. We're kind of this entire unit, we're always together, and I'm not saying I don't love them with all my heart, and think they're great people but I just feel like I'm growing away from them. We used to go out every saturday, but suddenly the boys want to stay home and play video games so I go other places. Last night I went to a bar with my closest friend's ex boyfriend. He and I were once good friends, but when his relationship ended with my friend she was so hurt, that he disappeared from her life, and thus disappeared from my life. We kept in touch a bit, but I never made plans to see him because my friend is bitter. She dislikes him because he broke up with he. It's immature and illogical really. They're bother better off not being together, and he never mistreated her, he just got tired of her jealousy. She still thinks he cheated on her and lied to her and all kinds of things but there's no proof. I understand that she doesn't want to be his friend, but she gets annoyed if I bring him up. She says she doesn't care if we're friends, but I know she does. So I didn't tell her that I went out with him last night. Honestly, I loved spending time with him and his family.
When we first met I had a crush on him, but he chose my friend because he said he thought he could have an intellgent conversation with her.I guess I don't come off as intellgent. I don't feel the need to bring up intellgent stuff all the time. If I'm at a party, then why should I? So I guess he mis judged both of us.She's not unintelligent at all, I just think I'm a bit more worldly than her. I'm not saying this because I wanted to date him. I adore my boyfriend and I honestly liked him less the more I got to know him, but the point was that he and I have great conversations. As do I and this guy who I know from the bar we go to. He's about 30 and not someone I ever expected ot befriend, but I guess I've always been an old soul. I know how to have fun, and 75% of the time I'm pretty immature, but it's not to not play the crazy party girl sometimes. I think I've outgrown being fake more than I've outgrown them, but I can't suddenly change. I can't say "I've always been this way, I just pretended to be someone else to escape myself for a few years". It wouldn't make sense. So now I lead this double life.
I guess I've always had a double life, but before it was the me who went out with friends and the me who I was when I am at home. I just got tired of being at home all the time. I want to share my other side with other people, and I just don't feel my current friends will appriciate it. I once dated this guy who told me he didn't like me when I was out with my friends. What if my friends don't like me when I'm not with them?
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