Sirius and Regulus
WHO: Sirius and Regulus Black
WHAT: Cold meetings.
WHERE: Seedy bar in Diagon Alley
RATING: PG?
Sirius had stood at the end of James' driveway for two hours in the rain, until he was sure his teeth were chattering. It was fairly creepy but he couldn't bring himself to interrupt James' life at nearly ten in the evening. Sirius didn't even know if he was at home, he could very well be at work, but it made Sirius feel safer knowing there was nothing wrong with the house and even Gideon had said a quiet hullo from under his disillusionment charm. It was one thing to hear that the Order was guarding the Potter house, but quiet another relief to actually know they were there. Sirius turned away and apparated to Diagon Alley (once out of sight of the muggles) deciding he'd visit tomorrow when he wasn't quite as upset or wet.
He said hullo to Tom the barman and zipped through the Alley proper into Knocturn, slipping his hood up. Sirius wasn't the best of men and he was excellent at making contacts. There just happened to be a pub near Burke's that his 'people' liked to frequent. Sirius never bought anything, mostly just kept in contact with them in case he ever needed anything. Getting to travel the world had given him a lot more people to meet with and discuss certain ways of getting things. Even though some of the order (like the Auror contingent) were pretty much against using illegal means, Sirius maintained that it was only slightly contrary and not illegal at all. But as long as Sirius kept his methods to himself, the Order was fine. They were outnumbered and out witted (Sirius wasn't stupid, they were all eighteen somethings with a handful of old folks, they were no match experience wise to the Dark Lord's people) so Sirius was going to use whatever her could to help win.
Sirius nodded once at the barkeep and only pulled his hood back a smidge so that anyone who cared to notice would see it was him - until he spotted a very familiar silhouette and nearly tripped on a stool. He nodded to one of the goblins he nearly bumped into and made his way over to the booth in the corner. "This seat taken?" Sirius asked quietly, unable to help the guilt that pained his chest because his first reaction was to grip his wand a little tighter in the pocket where it was concealed. He hadn't talked to his brother since last summer and hadn't seen him at all when he hadn't come back after Christmas.
Regulus Black barely recognised himself. Everyone else had no trouble to see who he was, or at least, who he seemed to be, and he thought that was probably because he maintained his usual schedule, statements and opinions, and his countenance rarely betrayed him. He was a Death Eater now, and had the painful burn on his arm to prove it. He thought his role was quite insignificant, torturing and killing, never trusted with the more important planning and deciding. Nobody asked for his opinion on anything, nobody listened for what he had to say, which, admittedly, he did find extremely annoying at first. But now, now he was content with it; it gave him time to observe, to see, to understand. And boy, did he understand.
The younger Black found himself a grown up sooner than he'd expected. He was too deep in now, that was obvious, and hell seemed to be just around the corner. His parents didn't even suspect that his frequent visits to bars at night were for anything but work- oh how they were proud of him, every single one of them. Even Bellatrix, whom he never thought would approve so easily. And yet, while their approval was satisfying, there was still a part of him that refused to revel in his success. The same part that was closely watching his Lord, thinking things over, feeling uneasy and unsure. That part was only allowed to translate itself into conscious thoughts late after dark, when the boy sat with a bottle of whiskey alone, every night. Nobody came near him- they knew who he was, and they knew it wasn't their business to socialise whenever he has his hood up and a drink in his hand.
Perhaps that was why he was taken aback when someone addressed him that night, or perhaps it was because he recognised the voice at once- how could he not? He looked up, failing to conceal his expression; a mixture of anger and shock, and maybe a little something else, too. His eyes left the standing figure to look at everyone else for a moment, his brain obviously calculating the best move. He's learned to do that a lot lately, calculate. His rashness was almost always suppressed, held backward for the hope of better consequences, for the hope of less punishment. "You shouldn't." Were his first words after sweeping the place, then looking back at his brother. His bother. "A few minutes. That's it." He was risking punishment, he knew it, but he said it anyway.
Once given permission, Sirius wasted no time in slipping into the seat across from Regulus and putting up a muffling charm without asking. Even if someone did recognize them, they didn't need anyone listening in. Sirius' eyes roamed over Regulus' face, taking in every bit of his younger brother hungrily. Reg looked tired and worn and hardened and Sirius hadn't been expecting a reunion of hugs and happy smile. In fact, he was pretty sure his brother would never see him again, because that was the way things went right? Especially with the way things had been going lately. Things were only going to get worse from here and with the rumors that were going on about what Regulus was involved in... Why should life be any easier for them?
He pushed back his hood a little further and put both of his elbows on the table, unable to take his eyes off of Regulus. Were they really on opposite sides? Regulus, though he looked tired, had what Sirius wanted. A family that wanted him, parents that adored him, money without worry and a brother that still loved him no matter what he got into. Sirius longed to feel that included, back in a family. His 'family of choice' was falling apart at the seams and he felt that there was nothing else to do with it.
"Kid," Sirius said quietly, ducking his head a little. Why was it so hard to talk to his brother? His stomach was churning with emotion and how was he supposed to deal with all of that? He missed his brother and so what if they'd left on bad terms, couldn't they get that back? Unless Regulus bent his neck a little and allowed some pride to fall off of his shoulders, Sirius didn't see that happening. He opened his mouth to say a million different things. Why? Where? How are you? I miss you. but nothing came out and he had to clear his throat. "How are you?" he finally managed, looking up to meet Regulus' eyes.
His expression was blank again as soon the older Black settled down across from him. Show no fear, no surprise, no worry, no happiness- nothing, that was that he was always told. Act like you're dead inside, keep everything bottled up, and you gain a step over your enemy. And that person on the table was his enemy, Regulus was sure of it. He used to be his older brother, the one who he looked up to, admired, and been abandoned by. He was with them. He was probably there to trick him into giving off information, or arresting him, or simply rubbing salt on his wounds. So, Regulus' expression was blank, and his eyes were fixed on the table as he held up his glass to down another sip.
He could sense his brother struggling to come up with something to say, but he didn't flinch. He merely sat there, as if he wasn't even aware of the presence of anything beside his drink. But when he heard himself being called kid- oh. Regulus looked up sharply, and for a moment the blank expression disappeared, and angry one took place. He had no right- he had no fucking right.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Here in Knocturn Alley, here on my table, here in my life.Sirius raised a quirky eyebrow, there, even an angry reaction was better than that wooden face Regulus was using. Good, Sirius could still get to him. He had every right to call him that. It was his name for Regulus. "Now now, no need to get testy. Don't worry, I've only got a few minutes yeah? Here in this pub, you mean? I was looking for someone. I guess I found something I've lost, yeah?" Sirius gave his brother an imploring look. He could play stone face just like Regulus, but he didn't want to. He wanted his brother to see how honest he was.
Even though Sirius knew it was he that had left, he was the one that walked out that door, no matter how many hands were pushing him out. Sirius had onlya few regrets in life and one was not dragging Regulus with him. He had been so focused on getting out and not having to deal with...that, he'd selfishly forgotten his brother. And it was still hurting him today. "Or here as in London? I was off visiting a friend and figured I might catch a pint. Or here on this earth? Well, that's a question for God himself. So unless you've got an ear to the heavens, I think we'll have to wait awhile for that. What about you kid, why are you here?"
The wooden face was back on, if only because Regulus could see how satisfied Sirius was for getting something more. It was more difficult now that the ex Gryffindor has decided to be cheeky, and was answering the question as if they'd been the best of buddies, joking and rambling unnecessary words. It made Regulus angry, but this time, he held it back. He couldn't give him the satisfaction in knowing that Regulus wasn't confident with anything in his life, particularly his decision to keep Sirius out of it.
"I don't think that's any of your business," Regulus replied coldly, almost addressing him as bloodtraitor. What had stopped him from uttering that word, he had no idea, but he wasn't going to start pondering it right then and there. "Say what you wanted to say, what made you approached this table, and get going."
Ugh, Sirius didn't like this new Regulus. Or, well he didn't like that he didn't know how to deal with it at all. He was grasping at straws now to get his brother to acknowledge him. He could hear the disdain in Regulus' voice and he huffed slightly, mostly out of impatience. Why couldn't they just go back to how they wanted? Wasn't the fact that they were brothers of more importance than their allegiances?
"What did I tell you? You will always be my business," Sirius said in a low tone, leaning forward to catch his brother's gaze, his own burning with intensity. "Always." Sirius wanted nothing more than for his brother to believe that. If he could apparate across the globe for James he would do that and more for Regulus.
He didn't really know how to answer that other statement, because he hadn't a clue what he wanted to really say other than, "I'm glad you're alive."
"Fuck you." The words left Regulus' mouth as easily as if he were saying Hellos and Goodbyes. He used to want to be Sirius' business. He used to want to be talked to with such intensity by his older brother, but not anymore. After the last time Regulus allowed himself to open up to Sirius, after being left again, rated second to Potter, Regulus couldn't allow himself anymore risks. Sirius was toying with him, making him believe he means much to him, right before running with Potter. It happened twice, why wouldn't it happen a third time?
"I'm done being your business. And if that's all, bugger off and let me enjoy the last of my drink." He could have winced at his own words, and he could feel bits of him telling him off, asking for Sirius to stay and talk. But there was more than pride holding him back from doing just that, and he looked down at the table again, drowning his drink to stop the word 'always' from echoing in his brain.
"No, fuck you," Sirius returned without a pause, leaning forward just a little more, clenching his jaw tightly. He knew his brother was in there - that hard shell that was sitting in front of him was just a shadow of what Sirius used to know and he refused to believe that his boy was gone for good. People changed butthey were still...the same essentially.
"Always and you'll never be able to get rid of me. You haven't yet," Sirius reached forward and placed his hand on Regulus' left forearm for just a moment before pulling it back. Short of killing him, there was no way Regulus would get out of this now. A plan was already forming in his mind - if going to Turkey had helped with Remus then why not with Regulus? Only somewhere better. Like Prague. Sirius pulled out a business card (so what, he'd been excited about having his own pub and got them made right off the bat) and slipped it over to his brother. "You can find someone who can get a hold of me there."
"What do you think you're doing?" Regulus retarded incredulously, his blank mask shattering yet again. He was furious. He was mad. He- there was no words for it. "Every single time you said these words ended with you choosing Potter, why the fuck do you keep doing it all over again?"
As soon as he felt Sirius' hand on his arm, he jerked it back, almost worried that Sirius knew about the mark there. But he was still angry more than worried, and the temptation of reaching into his pocket for his wand was rising, and he didn't know if he could keep resisting. He wasted no time in holding up the card Sirius gave him and tossing it aside. Really, did the Gryffindor think it would be this easy?
Sirius flicked his wrist and the card was back in his hand and he set it on the table in front of Regulus keeping his finger on it. He looked down for a moment with a heavy sigh before glancing up at Regulus, looking completely torn, "I fucked up. I was sixteen and being treated horridly and I needed to get out of there. I left you and nothing hurts me more than knowing I can never take that back or convince you to see that."
He shook his head and shifted in his seat and scrunched up his shoulders, nearly ready to leave because there was nothing he could do really, except for try to be there. Only, he didn't know how he could do that. "I didn't choose this last time. You. Left. Me. I had a room, for you and a life for you."
[info]perfectblack
2007-08-15 11:12 (link) DeleteFreezeScreen Select
Well, he certainly wasn't expecting that. The last time Sirius tried to make up with him was by pinning him down on the grass back in Hogwarts, and practically forcing him to understand, not by looking all torn and messed up, and very un-Sirius-like. He had heard his brother admit to making a mistake before, but never while looking like this. Never.
"Yeah, a room for me right next to Potter's." Regulus spat before he could stop himself, but he did look a little less angry. There was something very wrong about Sirius, he could tell, and it wasn't only his curiosity that made him want to find out what it was. Slowly, silently, he held up the bottle in front of him and poured himself another glass of firewhiskey, only to push the glass across the table and toward Sirius. "Looks like you need this more than I do." Both his gaze and tone were still cold, but at least he wasn't cursing anymore.
Sirius shook his head, "There were only ever two rooms in that place. James and I never planned to live together." Well, actually they'd never got around to talking about it because he'd gotten that place for Regulus first and then James had gone off and gotten married so there was just no time for even thinking about doing it. He took the drink though and tosssed it back before he could let any thoughts about it being poisoned or whatever pass through his mind. Plus, the pretty quick 180 Regulus was showing was causing him whiplash and confusing his mind a little more.
He pushed the glass to the side and folded his arms over each other on the table and rested his chin on his hands, looking up at Regulus, "I fuckin' don't know what to do, kid. Everyone's getting married and moving on with their life and I'm not, but fuck, then I realise I'm only eighteen and my friends are insane. But still I feel about fifty." He shook his head again, "I should probably go before someone sees," he pushed the card forward, "that's my pub now, I own it. If I'm not there, they can find me."
"I'm not going after you." Regulus pointed out stubbornly, his voice carrying a sense of authority that he rarely held around his older brother. "I'm never getting anywhere near your pub." He continued, his eyes set on Sirius, carefully studying his expression.
And then, as if it were the most normal thing to do at a situation like this, Regulus held the bottle again, poured another glass and slid it over to Sirius once more. "It's pathetic, how you're clinging to your friends, as if they're the centre of your life."
"I didn't say you had to go after me. It's just there." If you need me was the unspoken bit and Sirius was sure that Regulus would be curious enough to just drop by and see it at least.
He didn't take another drink, just wrapped his hand around the glass and gave his brother an incredulous look, "What else do I have if I don't have them? You've made it clear I don't have you. A pub and a flat I haven't lived in for months? A handful of memories of the Good Ol' Days? Thanks, I'd rather seem pathetic than have nothing at all."
"I can't be seen there." Regulus said simply, coldly, though he seemed to be watching Sirius a bit closer now. Something wasn't right.
"See, that's pathetic. You don't need them. You have yourself, don't you?" It wasn't clear to Regulus why he was saying this, or what he was trying to do. One thing was certain, though, the way Sirius seemed to depend on people who wasn't him or his family was unnerving. Quite unnerving.
