t h o m a s ➽ mccormack (thomases) wrote in valesco,
@ 2012-07-06 01:17:00

Entry tags:

Rose!
They'd wanted him to stay for a few more days, but Thomas could not handle any more poking and prodding by the healers of St. Mungo's. He'd been locked up in their Spell Damage ward for hours, then sent to Potion and Plant Poisoning and then Magical Bugs, but---no one could seem to find the answer. He'd been all fixed up, his bruises melted away and the blood wiped clean from his hands, but no one could figure out why he couldn't perform any magic. He couldn't perform magic. Thomas had felt it immediately, he felt lopsided, ready to keel over because something was missing, but no one had believed him. It wasn't until an attempt to apparate down the corridor, for tests caused every muscle in his body to spasm and cramp that the healers grew concerned.

It only got worse. They'd brought him wands, but nothing ever sparked. They'd had him attempt to do a ward on a journal, but he got nothing but ink all over his fingers. They'd brought his broom, and it did nothing, as if waiting to sweep the floor. His broom wouldn't fly, which meant he couldn't---

The keys to his flat jumbled in his hands. Thomas had refused to stay with his parents, even his sister had offered her guest room. There was no way he could live under their pitying eyes; whatever this block on his magic was, it was completely mentally and physically draining and he didn't need the added hovering of his family. Thomas could not remember the last time he had used his keys to open his flat, but there he was, unable to figure out the right key and growing more frustrated by the second.

"Just----bloody open!" he snapped, kicking the door. The car ride from St. Mungo's had been bad enough, now he couldn't even handle a set of keys. How the hell was he supposed to function in a world without magic? He'd known nothing else, he'd never bothered to figure it out---why would he have to? Who would have imagined that someone would have figured out a way to---to steal a wizard's magic?

Thomas let out a breath, shutting his eyes and dropping his head to the door. He needed a moment.

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flower
2012-07-06 08:56 pm UTC (link)

Thomas must have caught some kind of unknown magical disease! Right? That was the only thing that would explain all this strangeness surrounding the past week, because if you were sick at Mungo's you weren't able to talk to people, or see them, go to practice or--- do anything! You were sick. Right. That was what Rose had decided happened when she had heard Thomas was in the hospital. Had to be some new magical sickness, happened all the time, right?

Not really, but making herself believe it did in hopes of calming this frenzied craze she'd been feeling, which also had refused to die away, was worth a shot. She would admit it had shifted toward a more sane place when her worst thoughts were put to rest, but it didn't explain how strong it had been. Octavius had, in a not-so-subtle manner, suggested that maybe she simply didn't like not knowing what was going on, but she knew it just had to be out of concern for her friend.

At least his mother had been courteous enough to let her know Thomas was finally out. Rose may have been a bit quick to apparate out of her flat before the message had finished, but.... she was excited to have visible verification that he was--- here, back.

Like always, Rose apparated into the hallway outside Thomas' flat, expecting him to already be inside. She fumbled slightly as he appeared before her, but what was most unsettling was his stance. That didn't look good, did it? She walked over to him, leaning slightly.

Um. Maybe he was tired? "Thomas, are you alright?" she asked, attempting to keep her alarm subdued. Rose reached out to touch his arm lightly. A sudden thought occurred to her: what if the end of Mrs. McCormack's message was that Thomas had let himself out instead of being discharged?

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thomases
2012-07-07 01:50 pm UTC (link)

Thomas jerked away from the door and he flushed immediately at the sight of Rose. He had forbid anyone but his family from seeing him at the hospital; it was hard enough dealing with the miserable expressions of his parents and sister, but to have people who didn't have to be there feel sorry for him too? No. He cared far too highly of Rose and Kendall's opinion of him that he demanded they be kept away, and of course the second he was out---his mother had probably---

"What are you doing here?" he grumbled, keeping his eyes on the ground and away from Rose. She shouldn't be here, she didn't need to be here, and he didn't want her here. He wanted to get into his flat and be able to lock the door so that he could be alone. All he wanted to do was be alone, but no one seemed to understand that. No one wanted to let him be alone, and the reasons for that scared him more than he'd like to admit.

His keys jingled again and he went back to trying to figure out the door. He knew ignoring Rose would never work, but if he could get inside and just lock her out then he'd be fine. "I'm going to sleep."

He shot her a look that read he did not want to be bothered. Kendall was probably on his way as well, and there was no way that Thomas could face both of them. He should just tell his mother to explain things, but how even more pathetic did that sound? He just needed---to breathe, and think; Rose being here was not going to allow him to do that.

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flower
2012-07-07 05:02 pm UTC (link)

Her brows went high, and Rose leaned back, bristled. Thomas' obviously bright mood was surprising, and it took her a few moments of thought to adjust. So... what exactly was going on here? A feeling of dread filled her as she felt the tense air of a delicate situation sink in. What the hell had happened to him? At the very least, there was still no evidence that he had been released instead of self explosion from Mungo's.

"I came to see you," she spoke, unable to hide her confused tone. A passing thought suggested he might be upset with her or something she had done--- how many times had that been the case? --- but Rose was pressed to think of anything she could have done that would upset him this much in the recent past. But she wouldn't rule it out just yet.

Rose opened her mouth to speak to him again, but his rather nasty look stopped her. She closed her mouth with a snap. A flare of crossness immediately resinated through her, but she held her tongue. That was rather unnecessary, wasn't it? And despite wanting to appear calm and unaffected, a bit of a hurt expression did come through on her face.

She watched him play with his keys, saying nothing. If he was so keen on getting inside and away from her, then why was he wasting his time with a lock and key? Rose bit the inside of her cheek, unsure what to do. Address him again and risk that, or stay quiet and get the door slammed in her face. Neither really was very appealing, but she had to do something.

Rose pulled her lips back, laced her fingers together, and stood quietly.

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thomases
2012-07-07 10:54 pm UTC (link)

Thomas chose to ignore her, because already, already. His snappish attitude had already caused her to wince, he was already making her feel bad which was the last thing Thomas ever wanted to do to Rose (even though he tended to do it a lot---). His hands had begun to shake, making his fumbling even worse. By now it was as if he simply didn't know what the hell a key was, or where it was supposed to go, or---Thomas felt his whole body heat up and after one more failed attempt to open the goddamn door, he let out a great sound of frustration and hurled the keys down the corridor, knocking some stupid painting to the ground. Thomas hands immediately went to his head and he grabbed at his hair, trying to control his breaths that had suddenly grown very frantic. Rose needed to leave! She needed to leave him alone because he could not face her like this!

"I---just go, please!" he nearly begged, keeping his back toward her.

People thought he was strange, people thought he was weird. His work ethic was out of the ordinary, he--he said things that made people quirk their eyebrows in confusion, wondering what planet he was from. The one thing he had that he could count on was his magic, he'd always been so good with his wand, on his broom, and now---the healers said it could be a mental thing, a mental thing? Even Thomas knew he was mental! How was he supposed to---get his magic back---even if he could ever get it back---

"How---" he let go of his hair and twisted, turning back to the door, shaking his head because he couldn't get into his bloody flat. Thomas' face contorted; she needed to leave, she couldn't see him like this. He took a shaky breath, "I can't go in there," Can't get in there. "I---I can't--"

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flower
2012-07-08 12:21 am UTC (link)

Rose's eyes went wide at Thomas' display, and she covered her mouth with her hands to stop herself from making a surprised noise. What feelings she had of annoyance quickly vanished as she understood something was very much wrong here. Thomas was not a violent person, let alone prone to acting like this, so to see him so like this was worrisome. Unsettling! What should she--- what would be--- anxiety set in as she didn't know what to do.

What to do! She couldn't leave, he was obviously upset. But that was all he had been saying to her, to leave, so--- and the keys! And the wall! And he still wasn't--- she hadn't thought much of it, but the more he refused to look at her, the more he was beginning to scare her. Rose ran her hands up her face in through her hair in a moment of anxiety.

While her burning desire to know what had happened, what was going on was strong, that was miniscule compared to what was happening now. So--- Rose took a few steps back and away from Thomas (watching him carefully) to get a good look down the hall. Taking out her wand, she quietly summoned his keys. She left the painting where it lay (it was ugly anyway), and looked down at her hand for a moment before advancing toward him again.

What could she say to him? Rose felt lost for words. "I can't leave because you're scaring me," Rose admitted in a quiet tone. "Do you want some help?" she asked, hoping her question wouldn't set him off further. She just.... did not understand what was going on, here. "Thomas--- please."

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thomases
2012-07-09 01:12 am UTC (link)

The pain at the sight of his keys soaring past him could have made him sick. Thomas watched them get summoned past him, his body twisting until he saw them fall into Rose's hands. He knew that she hadn't meant to hurt him, that she couldn't possibly have known, but this was exactly what he'd been trying to avoid. He didn't want anyone's help. He would do everything, all of this by himself. He didn't want to owe anyone, he didn't want to depend on anyone. Thomas had worked his whole life to make sure that he didn't have to lean on any one person but now---

He looked down miserably at the floor as Rose grew closer. He couldn't look her in the eye, he couldn't! He felt so ashamed, so useless, so---

"These--these men, they grabbed me and Saoirse---they---I can't remember a lot, but they---" Thomas kept his head ducked down as he rolled up the sleeves of his robes; it was unbearably hot outside but he'd insisted on his long-sleeved cloaks. Thomas winced at the still healing scars that raced up and down and across his arms; they were made by muggle equipment so it was taking longer for the potions to heal them. He did his best to keep his voice steady, but seeing the scars again, knowing that Rose was seeing them too..."We got back and----I couldn't apparate, our--our wands were gone, it---I can't do--the simplest of magic, it...my broom won't come up it's----"

Thomas sucked in a deep, shaky breath through his nose as a few tears escaped and dropped to the ground. He furiously wiped at his face, feeling hot all over, so embarrassed. He couldn't look at her, he could not look at Rose because this was just---he was just in shambles and he couldn't stand it if she felt sorry for him.

"I can't do magic," he admitted, the words sending a tremor through his body, and Thomas covered his face with his hand, trying his best to push the tears that were seeping out back.

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flower
2012-07-09 03:51 am UTC (link)

That was a lot of upsetting information to take in at once. Rose didn't even know where to begin--- the story, the scars (scars)--- lost magic? How was that even possible? And then--- his face, Thomas' face, it was absolutely killing her because since when did he actually--- she was the only one that ever cried, and now--- she felt her eyes begin to prickle and her cheeks heat up. This was horrible, so horrible-- so-- so---

No. No, this wasn't right. While all Rose wanted to do was cry with Thomas, hold him and tell him everything would be alright, that wouldn't change anything, that wouldn't help. She didn't know if everything was going to be fine, and saying that wasn't what he needed to hear, or probably wanted to either. What he needed was for her to help him, without him realizing it because Merlin knew how stubborn he was, and that meant she had to be strong. It was rarely her role to be the strong one, in any of her relationships let alone the one she had with Thomas, but she would try, because he was drowning.

So, gulping down her tears and taking a deep breath, Rose dropped the keys and her wand into her pocket. No magic, she could do that. She looked down at his arms, and struggled for a moment. So much pain... it hurt her to think of what he had to endure to claim those. Kidnapped! She hadn't actually thought.... who would want to think.... why would anyone... her head tilted to the side slightly in dejection. It was difficult to function normally when he was in the state.

Wordlessly, Rose inched closer as reached for his empty hand and entwined her fingers through his. When was the last time they had held hands? She couldn't even remember--- it felt appropriate, now, it didn't matter. She held his hand tightly, and with her other lightly wrapped her other arm around for as big of a hug as their positions would allow. Grasping his back with her hand, she stuck her chin on his shoulder.

"You are a strong person," Rose said quietly, speaking freely because it was the truth. "You will make it through this." She wanted to look to him, but she knew her face would be sad--- and he had made an effort to not look at her, anyway, so it was pointless.

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thomases
2012-07-09 05:39 am UTC (link)

He buried his face in Rose's shoulder, unable to contain himself any longer as his chest heaved with his tears. Thomas had been stoic and strong since waking up on the pitch, but now that he was out of the whirlwind this past week had thrown him in, now that he was out of the hospital and in the real world, he---he had no idea what to do. He'd told the healers he'd be back for exams, that he just wanted to be in his own bed, but stepping back into the real world had hit him with such force that he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Thomas' free hand slunk around Rose and he held her tightly to him. She'd been there through everything with him, everything. She was his oldest friend and the only person who'd ever seen him nearly as vulnerable. As much as it pained him to let Rose see him like this, to let her watch him have a breakdown, Thomas knew that it couldn't have been anyone else. He took some shuddering breaths, unwilling to let her go as her words sunk in. He couldn't believe them, but he was glad that she thought things would get better. Someone he cared about and trusted had faith in him.

"Don't leave," he breathed onto her neck, his grip around her tightening. His blurry vision kept him from seeing straight and he pressed his forehead to the side of her head. He needed her to get through this, and he was terrified of what would happen when he actually was left alone. What was he thinking? Rose thought he was strong, but how could he actually think he was? He wasn't strong enough for something like this.

"Stay with me, please," he begged.

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flower
2012-07-09 04:05 pm UTC (link)

She too took deep breaths, once again fighting back the tears threatening to break her controlled exterior. Rose had been so angry with Thomas, Octavius had her thinking that he had just retreated to this unknown bunker that he hadn't told anyone about which was--- they always told each other everything, and the thought of anything lost between them drove her mad. How could she have thought that? He wouldn't.... and then the entire time he had been--- her hand on his back curled to grasp the extra fabric of his robes tightly.

Rose closed her eyes and turned to press her forehead to his. "Of course," she spoke without hesitation. Thomas didn't need to ask; she had decided she was staying the moment he started destroying public property. Who knew what unsuspecting piece of furniture would get it next? "Of course, of course..." Rose repeated, trailing off as she nodded slightly. She wouldn't have been able to leave him, like this, either. And she was glad it was with his blessing, and not grumpily sitting by the door and banging on it every few minutes, like she had many times before.

Opening her eyes, she smiled a sad, but encouraging smile at him. "I won't leave you." They had such a strong bond, and many times words felt pointless, with a simple glare or grin enough to get the point across. But this was different, Rose knew he needed to hear certain things out loud and--- she could do that. She cared about him too much to see him fall apart.

They stood there for a bit longer, until Rose felt uncomfortable exposed in a public place for so long. Something about being told about recent kidnappings did not sit well with her. So as gently as possible, she began to dislodge herself from Thomas to get a grip on her wand and unlock the door (she wasn't even going to attempt the disaster of meticulously going through his keys).

"Come on," she eased. As she lead him inside, Rose still kept a firm grip with his hand; she was unable to break that link with him until he was ready to.

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	thomases 2012-12-05 12:22 am UTC (link)
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