Who: Evan Rosier, Dolores Umbridge, and Caradoc Dearborn ( AKA Adrien Bassett )
What: The Valesco Virus
Where: Umbridge's Office, the Ministry
When: Right now?
Rating: PG-13, maybe R for language
He really had not been looking forward to this meeting. The thought alone of sitting in a room with that woman was enough to give him a headache, but he really didn't have a choice, now did he? It was his own fault to suggest it, but he knew that it was the only way to get anything he wanted. Umbridge was a sap when it came to Evan, and he knew that if he buttered her up enough, she'd cave. But it was going to take some hard work, especially since this little favor of his was going to include someone she didn't know. He'd have to get her to trust this alchemist, or she wouldn't budge. But a middle man was the only logical explanation to how he could get his hands on such a lethal substance. And that middle man, was Caradoc. Otherwise known as Adrien Bassett, from what the note he had gotten that morning had read. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and sigh as he crumpled up the 'evidence' and burned it before he left for work.
His day had gone by quickly, of course. Time always seemed to move faster when you didn't want it to, and slower when you did. But maybe it was better to just get things over with. The less time he had to spend with Umbridge, the better. It might not have been so bad if she hadn't requested they meet in her office. He had just nodded his head, telling her that that would be quite alright, and walked away. It was best to do whatever she asked, to make her happy.
Leaning on the wall outside of her door, he slipped his hands into his pockets as he waited for Caradoc, sighing lightly as he rubbed at his neck, trying to relax. This meeting wasn't only bad because of Umbridge, but if he fucked this up he would be murdered. Always something that made him feel at ease. Really. So, with a deep breath, he exhaled a sigh, leaning his head back against the wall, letting his eyes close for just a moment before they opened to see someone walking towards him. Wait, was that--
Yes. It was Adrien Basset. Adrien just happened to be a bespectacled French version of his idiot friend.
"Bonjour. Comment bon de tu pour être à temps."
He could have spoken in English, but he didn't want to take the chance of someone overhearing and spoil everything. It was funny how when he was speaking French, the language of love, one of the most beautiful languages ever, he could make dry sarcasm sound elegant.
"Peu importe qu'elle dit, souvenez que tu es français et Il ne faut que comprendre. Retenez le besoin de l'étrangler, parce que je dis tu en ce moment, tu as vouloir."
Oh, this was going to be something, Caradoc could tell already. Even the fact that he had to wear glasses in public really couldn't quite bring him down as it usually would. But apparently, hardly ever wearing them had come in handy (not like he would anyway); with them alone, a different set of clothes and slight changes in the way he walked, it would be hard to recognize this Caradoc Dearborn. Besides, anything that got him out of drinking a polyjuice was fine by him; he was fairly confident that the real Adrien Bassett concoction would have smelled like rotten cheese and tasted like old feet.
Pulling at his sleeve, Caradoc took his time to approach Evan. He would have to admit, his friend wasn't looking his best. Well, Evan would have a reason to be above nervous, seeing as his last mission hadn't gone well at all. In fact, it had been a disaster, if Caradoc didn't say so himself. Good for Caradoc, bad for Evan. Either way, good thing Evan wasn't a Legilimens, or else this would be a very different situation.
"Ne regardez pas tellement inquiet," (Don't look so worried) Caradoc feigned a fond tone, slapping Evan's right cheek lightly as he spoke. A smirk played on his face, though it fell slightly after a few seconds. His voice dropped to a low whisper as his chin tilted toward the ground. "I know how to do a job, Evan. Most people don't make your mistakes."
If looks could kill, Caradoc would be dead at his feet as soon as he felt his hand against his face. He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at how casual and calm Caradoc was about all of this. This wasn't an amusing situation at all. But no, he couldn't look annoyed. He couldn't be in a worse mood when he walked into that office, or else everything would go wrong. And he couldn't afford another mistake, because this one would be his last.
He tilted his head from side to side, hearing the satisfying cracks his neck made as he went to adjust the sleeves of his suit jacket, speaking just as quietly as Caradoc had been a moment ago. "For once, you're not the one I'm worried about... I'm sure you'll figure out why I'm so anxious soon enough." He took his hand and gave a light rap with his knuckles on the door, nearly flinching as he heard the childish voice of Dolores Umbridge on the other side, greeting them with a cheery, sing songy "Come iiiiin!" His eyes closed and he shifted his jaw from side to side to help him relax, only opening his eyes again when he opened the door, shifting his entire demeanor as he gestured for Caradoc to step inside first. "Tu as entendu la femme."
It was a little startling how easily he could shift from anxious and annoyed, to calm and collected as he moved towards the woman in the pink cardigan. She beamed at the two of them, standing beside her desk with her hands clasped in front of her. Evan had a feeling that she had been standing there for quite a few minutes, just waiting for them. "Hello, Dolores. This is Monsieur Adrien Bassett, as I'm sure you already know."
She stepped towards them and extended her hand towards Caradoc, smiling up at him with a sickeningly sweet and cheery expression. "Bonjour!" The word was over enunciated, as though she had been practicing for quite some time. Evan caught Caradoc's eye just a moment before she asked the two of them to sit down as she moved around her desk, adjusting her cardigan and skirt about five times before she sat down. "Tea, dears?" She looked from Evan to Caradoc, lifting up her kitten covered tea kettle, pointing to it saying "Teeeeeea.", brows raised high as though she was trying to explain something to a small, idiotic child.
So she was a 'Bonjour' kind of person, was she? If there was one thing Caradoc had learned from foreign languages, it was that you could tell the whole of a person's understanding of the language from their first few words. 'Bonjour' to Caradoc was like extra-sugary blood to a vampire. Goldmine baby. Caradoc felt no need to force a smile as he grasped onto Dolores' hand to shake it. "Salut Madame," he purred in a much more convincing French accent than he had led Evan to believe just a few moments earlier. Personally, Caradoc wasn't fond of French; he found it rather boring and frilly. But that was another thing entirely. He caught Evan's eye as he bowed his head slightly and readjusted his glasses. "I---- am.... Adrien Bassett," Caradoc continued in shaky tone, nodding his head and smiling hopefully as if she could understand.
Finally sitting down, Caradoc took his time to look around the woman's office. Fucking hell, it was like she was severely color blind and could only see pink. Ohh, that would be a good spell. Perhaps he would try it on Longbottom later. Caradoc brought his attention back to Dolores as she spoke, and he pulled his face back tight to form a confused look to hide his smile. Slowly, Caradoc turned to Evan with a perplexed look, though that was hardly what his words meant.
"Comment-dit-on... tu es une demeuré? Tous le monde connaissent le français boivent vin?" (How do you say... you're an idiot? Everyone knows the french drink wine.) He titled his head slightly with an innocent look plastered on his face as he brought up his voice at the end of the statement to make it sound like a question. This was going to be fun.
"Vous êtes tordant." ( You're hilarious. )
He nodded to 'Adrien' as though he had just answered him, before he turned back to Dolores. "He says he'd love some." "Oh, and what about you, dear?" "Not at the moment, thank you." There was a specific reason as to why Evan was not drinking the tea that Dolores was serving, and he was sure that Caradoc would find out soon enough as she added more and more sugar into each mug. After she was done stirring, she handed one of the kitty teacups over to 'Mr. Bassett'. If Evan was the type to show any type of emotion, right about now would be the point where he'd be forcing back a smirk as he watched his friend take a sip of the saccharine tea. Dolores didn't seem to mind at all, taking a sip as she made a face that might lead someone to believe that it was bitter. Evan was sure that both cups were holding the maximum amount of sugar, and that some had probably started to clump up at the bottom.
"So. As much as I do enjoy your company Mr. Rosier, I know for a fact that this is not a social visit." Why she had used air quotations around 'social visit' he wasn't sure, but he just gave her a nod of his head, agreeing to that statement. "Unfortunately, no... this isn't a social visit at all. You see, Mr. Bassett here has been working on something for quite some time. A potion that he hopes will cure the Valesco virus. Now... as you know, the Ministry was lucky enough to contain the virus. Keep it safe, and secure." Dolores stared at Evan with wide eyes before they traveled to look over at Caradoc, giving him a judgemental look before she turned back to Evan. "Yes. The Ministry has worked very hard to get that situation under control, Mr. Rosier, and I do not think it is wise to tamper with Ministry work."
"I do understand, Ms. Umbridge... but I also believe that Mr. Bassett may be onto something." There was a pause before Dolores looked back to Caradoc, crossing her arms on her desk as she leaned forward, eyeing the man in the glasses like he was some sort of insect she was willing to squash at any given moment. "How--long--have--you--been--an--al--chem--ist?" She spoke louder than she normally did, though her voice was still as airy, and perhaps even just a little bit more high pitched, and bobbed her head from side to side as she spoke, almost as though this would really help him understand. Her smirk was now almost mocking, like she knew that she was on top and they both needed her help. Evan cleared his throat before he looked over to Caradoc. "Vous êtes commencement à comprendre pourquoi chacun aime vente avec elle?" ( Are you starting to understand why everyone loves dealing with her? )
As Caradoc watched Umbridge dump boxes of sugar into his cup, it dawned on him; maybe everything was so pink in here because she was so high on sugar everything seemed like a wonderful rainbow. Yes, that would make sense because that was the only explanation he could come up with that covered the excessive amounts of pink, cats, and obnoxiousness. She couldn't help it, she had an abuse problem. It didn't take that much effort to hold back the ill-formed look on his face as she handed him the liquid-form sugar. Oh... how exciting. Caradoc gave a polite smile, and lifted the cup up to his mouth, keeping it firmly shut. Obviously he wasn't going to actually drink this shit. She had probably stuffed some--- something into the tea he knew that he wouldn't want to drink.
Maybe it wasn't a sugar high. Maybe it was a malfunction-brain type of high. Because there was something definitely wrong with this woman. Just because he was supposed to be french didn't mean he was completely blind. Caradoc noticed the looks that she was sending to him, and he couldn't help but be amused by them. Oh, she was just bundles of fun. Caradoc looked at her, and then turned to Evan to get his 'translation' and reply back.
"Qu'est-que ce tu signifies? Elle est un lustre absolument." (What do you mean? She's an absolute slendor) Caradoc's voice was crisp and informed as he readjusted his glasses again.
"Oui, elle a rêve." He said with anther nod before turning back to Umbridge, making something up as he went along.
"He says, 'About 10 years? I'm older than I look.'"
"10 years, hm? Funny... people who have been working in the field for over 20 years have yet to find a cure for the Valesco virus, and here you are thinking you already have in 10!" She gave a shrill burst of laughter, shaking her head in disbelief as she took a sip of her tea, gesturing to Evan with her hand as though she was giving him permission to translate for her, as though it was just a special feature he offered along with just sitting there keeping her company.
"Acte comme tu etes offensé et tempête dehors, J'ai un idée." (Act like you're offended and storm out, I have an idea.)
For a second, Caradoc refrained from glaring at Evan. What a lame response--- and an even lamer answer. He let out a long sigh, not liking where this was going. And, once Caradoc did turn to Evan once again for his translation, he didn't hold back the glare.
"Ce mieux un fourtrement bon un." (It better be a bloody good one) he snapped, standing up quickly and turning his attention to Umbridge. Caradoc pulled at his robes, as if to readjust them importantly, and looked down at her. Sticking his nose up in the air, the words came out of his mouth very fluently, and cold. "Tu etes une petite nain fou." (You are an insane little dwarf) Caradoc didn't waste a moment, taking one long step toward the door, ripping it open and slamming it shut, mumbling random french words under his breath as he went.
Once outside the door, he waited. If Evan screwed this up.... well, it wouldn't exactly be Caradoc's problem, per say, but things would just go so much smoother if everything worked out today.
Honestly, what the fuck else was he supposed to say that started with a question and ended with a statement that would actually make sense? He had too much on his mind to try and think for himself and Adrien Bassett. It wasn't like Caradoc was giving him anything to work with. The only helpful think he was doing was sitting there with glasses, pretending to be smart.
Pretending, is the keyword.
Evan didn't flinch or budge as Caradoc stormed out, but Dolores looked completely aghast. "Well!" She huffed as though this said enough, and took a sip of her tea, raising her brows as she looked over the rim of the mug at the attractive blonde sitting across from her. She was obviously waiting for him to say something, but it took Evan a moment or two to get over the fact that Dearborn had just called her a little dwarf, concerned that he was thinking so hard about what other kind of dwarf there could be. It really wasn't important. So, sitting up a bit straighter in his chair he gave a light sigh. "I'm so sorry about that, Ms. Umbrid-"
"Oh, you can call me Dolores, dear." She was trying to make it sound as casual as she could, even though she looked a little smug while saying it. Evan amused her with a smirk, leaning forward just a bit. "Dolores than, if you insist." "Of course, dear." "Well... Dolores," he made sure she noticed that he was indeed using her first name, "I must apologise for Mr. Bassett. You see, he's very dedicated to his work. He had family that was taken by the Valesco virus many years ago, and has been determined to find a cure ever since." "Oh, how dreadful." She sounded bored. "But, well, do pardon me for being.. insensitive dear, but many people have lost people to the Valesco virus... and well, you don't see them storming around like little maniacs, do you?" Evan gave another smirk, even though he wanted nothing more than to grab one of those plates and bash her in the face. "I don't see many people trying to make a difference, either." The woman stared at him before she took an intake of breath through her nose, stirring at her tea. "What, exactly, do you suppose we do about Mr. Basset, Mr. Rosier?" "I think we should give him a chance...and I would appreciate it if we stopped with the formalities, Dolores. Please, call me Evan."
She perked up, looking even more pleased. "Give him a chance how, M-...Evan?" She smiled at the sound of his name off of her tongue, but it made Evan's insides twist. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard to him, and her saying his name with it felt...tainted. But, he needed to get this done. He needed to butter her up. So, biting on his lower lip, he leaned even closer to her desk. "I think we should see if he's accomplished what people have been trying to accomplish for a very long time."
Rising to his feet, he made his way closer to her, lowering himself down beside her behind her desk, looking up at her with those intense eyes. They were captivating, and made her pay attention to everything he said... not that she wouldn't anyway, because she had fancied Evan for as long as she could remember. "Listen to me, Dolores... if he has, in fact, found a cure for this virus, think of what that would mean... think of what it would mean to the Ministry. Think of how much good you could be doing by letting Mr. Bassett try to fulfill his life's dream, which happens to be the dream of so many others...and it would all be because of you." Reaching over, he placed his hand over hers, feeling her get tense beneath his touch. He felt the coldness of her rings beneath his fingers, and as disgusted as he was by the warm dry feeling of her hands, he kept his hand in place. "I'm asking this not only as a colleague, but as a friend... it would mean so much to me to see this virus gone. To know that no more people would ever be effected by it ever again."
She swallowed roughly, and blinked about a million times before she covered her mouth with her other hand, giving a small little cough to clear her throat before she looked back down at him. "What is it you need, exactly, Evan?"
"The tiniest vial of Valesco...enough for Mr. Bassett to test, to see if he has been successful." She paused, staring down at him with those beady eyes. Evan could have sworn he had stopped breathing, and his heart must have skipped a beat as she spoke. "Well...I...I suppose I could arrange something." Evan's hand closed around her own, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know that you can. And even if he's not successful, the virus will still be completely contained... as though nothing had ever happened at all." Her cheeks flushed as he held onto her hand and she gave a smile and a nod before she looked back to the door, her smile fading. "Now, if you could bring Mr. Basset back inside, I would like to have a few words with him."
He was stunned for a moment, but quickly recovered to nod his head, rising to his feet, still holding her hand. Now to put the cherry on top, he lifted her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles, covering them with his other hand as he looked down at her. "Thank you, Dolores." If she only knew that he was basically thanking her for being such a pathetic sap, eating up his bull like it was sugar to put in her tea, he was sure she wouldn't be beaming as much as she was. It only took him a few more seconds to open the door, letting Caradoc back inside.
Caradoc would be lying if he said he hadn't been trying to indiscreetly listen to the conversation behind the door from the other side of the wall the whole time. How could he not? Not just for curious purposes, but what if Evan actually said something important that he would have to go off of once he came back in? If he went back in. Either way, it didn't take long for Caradoc to position himself in a way that it looked like he was leaning against the wall for rest, and not trying to listen to a conversation that he was not supposed to be apart of. No one passed by him as he listened closely, so at least that was good.
But apparently these walls were made to not be heard through, because Caradoc hadn't heard a damn thing during the whole time had passed. What a complete waste. After what seemed for ages, he began to grow impatient. Taking out his wand, Caradoc began to think of a spell to use to let him listen through. An enhancing charm, maybe? Or perhaps--- mid though, the door wrenched open, nearly hitting him in the face. Stashing his wand quickly, Caradoc stepped out of the way and in front of the door with a calm, poised and slightly pissed off look on his face. For Umbridge's accord, of course. Straightening himself, he walked back into the office and remained standing.
He turned to Evan, fully knowing that on the inside the other man was most likely seething. "Oui?" he asked, and then turning to look at the older woman.
"Évidemment."
His eyes met Caradoc's once more before he looked back to Dolores, who was watching the two of them, her hands crossed on her desk. "Mr. Basset. Ev-...Mr. Rosier here has convinced me to let you...'borrow' a small amount of the Valesco virus, for experimental purposes. You will be in possession of the virus for two days, no more, no less. If you are careless and expose the virus to others, or keep the virus for longer than permitted, you will suffer the strictest consequences. Am I understood, dear?" Her words were sugary and airy, as though she were explaining the rules of a game. Evan wanted to point out that no, she was not understood because he wasn't supposed to be able to understand a word she was saying, but instead he turned to Caradoc, 'translating' for him once again.
"Je besoin ai blessir quelque chose quand j'arrive a chez. Allez et trouvez moi crapauds, parce que meurtre quelque chose cela ressemble cette femme va faire, dans une voie, faire moi plus heureux." ( I need to hurt something when I get home. Go and find me toads, because killing something that resembles this woman will, in a way, make me happier. )
"So, is everything all set?" She looked to Evan, who turned back to her and nodded, giving her another one of those smirks. She nodded her head and rose to her feet, moving around the desk. She gave the blonde male a coy little smile before she faced the brunette, her smile now once again bright and 'cheery'. It didn't make anyone feel better, it just made them miserable. "Wait here, dears." With that, she left, and once Evan was sure enough that she wouldn't be able to hear him, wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, as though there was some sort of chemical on them from merely kissing her hand. He then leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting on his thighs as he groaned, pressing his palms against his forehead.
"Fucking hell..."
He waited until the old woman left to give any indication for a response. "I'm not getting you anything," Caradoc responded, crossing his arms over his chest and breathing. He watched Evan carefully for a few moments, finding his actions peculiar. Why was he--- oh. Oh. His face quickly contorted to show revulsion, and Caradoc jumped over to Evan.
"Did you touch her?" he gasped, taking off his glasses at this point. That was disgusting. Utterly and completely revolting. Why the fuck would Evan go that far to actually touch that witch of a woman. He gave his friend props; Caradoc would have surely most heartedly tried to find a way to get the virus without touching Umbridge.
"When she comes back in, tell her how thankful I am and all that shit," Caradoc said as he edged away from Evan, and slipped back into his chair. He glasses back on, and waited. After she came back, and since she was only giving them two days, that meant they would have to give the vial right too--- Caradoc stood up as the door behind him creaked open. Well, that was quick.
"I did what I had to do, so just shut the fuck up, Caradoc..."
He seemed to say this far too often. He pinched at the bridge of his nose as he leaned back in his seat, waiting for Umbridge to come back into the room. He'd have to compose himself when she came back into the room, but for now he didn't even try to hide the fact that felt absolutely disgusted just remembering how her hands had felt. When she came back into the room, Evan looked up and rose to his feet, watching his friend do the same. She was carrying the tiny vile between her fat little fingers, standing infront of Caradoc, her head tilted back since she was so short. She extended her arm to him, snatching away the vile as he went to grab for it. "Two. Days." She smiled up at him as she handed it to him, stepping past him to get to Evan. "I'm sure you'll keep an eye on him, won't you dear?" Evan nodded his head and thanked her again before the two of them left her office. Once they were out of view, Evan ran his hands through his hair and groaned. "Whoever is doing this better get it done in 2 days, or I swear to fucking God, Caradoc, I will make them suffer." With that, he turned and headed down the hallway, not even bothering to listen to whatever Caradoc might have said afterwards.
He was just glad that that was over with.
