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Jai West ([info]fastasyoucan) wrote,
@ 2012-12-23 23:12:00


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(Backdated to September 2011) A much needed talk
There were things that put strains on friendship. And though not on most people's lists, killing your friend was definitely one of them. It's no surprise Jai had been avoiding Din.
 
What he didn't get was why Din even wanted to see him anymore. He'd murdered him, there was no way around that, if anything he expected, and even felt he deserved, Din cutting all ties. But after running out on him the last time he'd tried to talk, and after that email saying no response would be assumed that their friendship just couldn't recover...well, Jai felt he at least owed Din a conversation without running. Those years as friends warranted at minium that.
 
So Jai manages to pluck up the courage to make the run to New York and find Din. He could face down supervillains, surely he could manage this. Arriving breathless, from stressing out over it not the run itself, Jai walks around to try and find Din.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2012-12-24 02:45 am UTC (link)
Dinadan's not home, when Jai gets to the house he and his dad live in when they're in Ivy Town, but his dad's there to point Jai toward the public library. He can even tell him where in the library Dinadan can be found -- nonfiction, 600's, the where they keep the books on baking.

Apparently, Dinadan isn't in the mood for getting recipes off the internet today.

He looks about the same as when Jai saw him last, though he's wearing pants and a button-up shirt and sneakers instead of a loincloth and boots this time. But then, it's only been a month, and it's not like Dinadan's likely to hit another growth spurt or anything like that.

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[info]fastasyoucan
2012-12-24 03:08 am UTC (link)
There's a slight breeze in the baking section as Jai zooms to an empty corner and walks towards it, steeling himself for this conversation.

But when he reaches the aisle where Din is and sees him...he has second thoughts all over again. Jai stands pretty frozen on the spot, mouth slightly open as he's about to call out his friend's name but...maybe this was a bad idea, maybe a break would've been for the best. He'd murdered the guy, he didn't deserve a second chance at a friendship. Why had he even come? This was a bad idea, a huge mistake. There was still time to run back home before Din saw, it wasn't too late.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2012-12-24 03:47 am UTC (link)
Dinadan spies something moving quickly out of the corner of his eye and drops the cook book he's holding to the floor as he spins to face it, hand going for his sword -- which he's not wearing, because he's in a public library in the state of New York rather than somewhere deep in the Brazilian rain forest. He's been out here less than a week though, and survival reflexes don't fade that fast. He blinks and relaxes.

"Oh. Hi Jai." He stoops to pick up his book, brushing imaginary dirt off its cover. "...How are you?"

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[info]fastasyoucan
2012-12-24 03:52 am UTC (link)
Shoot. He's been seen. Now it's too late to run.

It takes a moment for him to respond, mouth opens and closes a few times and his eyes dart to the side, looking like he really was considering making a break for it. But not in public. "I...I'm okay I guess. You? How've you been?"

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[info]sonoftheatom
2012-12-24 04:14 am UTC (link)
"Okay. Just came north again this week."

He hadn't been sure he was going to. He'd been considering just...staying in New Morlaidh and training full time to become king, moving the timetable on that up a few years sooner. But every time he'd thought about telling his parents, the words had gotten stuck in his throat. He's not sure what they would have said, but they'd definitely say something if after all this time, he didn't bother to at least graduate high school. So he put it off and put it off, and now he's back in Ivy Town.

Jai looks queasy, and they're both getting a look from a passing librarian -- they're probably talking kind of loud.

"You wanna sit?" Dinadan asks, gesturing toward a bench against the wall. No one's in a corner then, so it's pretty neutral ground, right?

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[info]fastasyoucan
2012-12-24 04:43 am UTC (link)
Jai had been trying, he really had, at reconnecting with people and moving on with his life a little. But the only real headway he'd made was with Irey and his parents. They made it awfully difficult to avoid them and try not to. But it'd been rough, made all the worse by leaving things with Din murky. And every time he thought about what had happened it was just...it was almost too much some days.

"Yeah, good idea," Jai nods with a glance back at the librarian and follows Din to the bench.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-01-06 07:54 am UTC (link)
Din sits down on the bench and reaches into his messenger bag to retrieve a pencil, which he immediately begins to flip through his fingers.

"I've got a second pencil," he says. In case Jai also wants to fidget with something. Because this is an extremely awkward conversation, and it occurs to him that he doesn't have nearly enough tissues in his bag for this, so it might have to move to the bathroom for what poor substitute toilet paper will serve. But if he says that, this fragile Jai-not-fleeing might be broken, so maybe he'll just shut up and see if Jai wants the other pencil. Yes.

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-01-06 08:18 am UTC (link)
"Thanks," Jai nods and accepts the second pencil. It'd give his hands something to do, but more importantly, it'd give him something to look at so he didn't have to look at Din the whole time. It was hard, forcing the images of his friend's face as he murdered him down. No, he didn't think he'd be able to have this conversation if he didn't have something else to focus on.

So Jai takes the pencil and focuses on flipping it through his fingers as Din had done, just noticeably faster.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-01-06 08:28 am UTC (link)
"No problem," Dinadan answers, going back to his own pencil. "So, uh, am I leading this conversation or do you have a direction you want it to start in?"

For given values of "want", since it's not really going to be a fun conversation any way around...

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-01-07 01:20 am UTC (link)
"Not really," he admitted reluctantly. "Just...your email and, I don't know what I thought I'd say when I got here just that...I had to see you." He owed Din that much and despite everything, he couldn't bring himself to let a friendship end, not like this at least. But he didn't even know what he wanted or what he'd intended by coming here, just that he should. "So, yeah, you can lead and start wherever I don't really have something set out in my mind." Which felt far too muddled right now.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-01-07 02:41 am UTC (link)
"Well, some of it's moot," Dinadan says, looking down at his hands. Flip flip flip flip.

"...Basically, when I showed up at your house, I wasn't sure I was going to come back up here."

Well, he might as well say it so someone.

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-01-15 05:01 am UTC (link)
That has Jai snap up from his pencil flipping with his surprise and shock clear.

"You were just going to...stay down there and cut everyone off?" The irony isn't lost on him, he'd been trying to close himself off from everyone too except for the fact his family just wouldn't let that happen. And here he was telling Din it was a bad idea. "Din...no man, that's not...that's not the way to make things better. I know you, you're not going to be happy if you leave us all as loose ends dangling. You don't need to ever talk to me again if that's what happens with us but you can't..." Jai sighs in frustration a little and looks away, aware he's being hypocritical. But Din's confession had him momentarily forget all the Black Lantern stuff, like a flashback to back when things were normal, and he couldn't let his friend do this. He couldn't just let Din cut himself off from the world and everyone up here. Even if Din shouldn't even want to see him, he couldn't just leave everyone else. Friends, and maybe former friends, didn't let that happen.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-01-21 05:43 am UTC (link)
"I wasn't going to cut everyone off," Dinadan says, defensively. He isn't sure if he's lying or not. "I...the States aren't my home, Jai. It's where I come for school, and to hang out with you guys, and get dragged into cape stuff. I wasn't not coming back because of you, I was thinking about it because..."

He sighs and flips his pencil through his fingers faster. "Look, one of my friends almost bled out on me. Literally, on me. He's fine, he's okay now, but..." He shrugs, clenching the pencil in his fist. "Seriously, there's not much they teach you in high school that's actually useful in the jungle."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-01-29 08:13 am UTC (link)
"Look man, I know. I know they're not preparing you for what you have to deal with there but...it doesn't mean..." Jai stops and sighs, putting his head in his hands and rubbing his head, trying to collect his thoughts. "Doesn't mean you can isolate yourself from everyone Din." It was his fault that Din became a lantern, and it was his fault that as a result of that Din had to experience the things he did, Jai couldn't let his friend isolate himself and withdraw because of something he was directly responsible. Though it seemed now like other factors were compounding on that to make it worse.

"...I'm sorry. How did it happen? Anything happen to you?"

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-02-28 09:20 am UTC (link)
"Aside from definitely never being able to wear that particular loin cloth again, no, nothing happened to me," Dinadan said. "We saw the bat in time for us to dodge partially out of the way, but he was slower than me. Bat got him bad enough to injure him, but not enough to actually swoop off with him."

Somehow, it's easier to talk about this than to talk about the actual topic of conversation. Maybe because dying is a daily risk in New Morlaidh; he'd long ago come to terms with that much.

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-03-22 06:16 am UTC (link)
Jai frowns at hearing about such a close call, not everyone had superspeed and could get out of the way in time, and sometimes hearing that was particularly painful. He didn't want to think about the possbility that the bat could've gotten Din or his friend. "What did you do after?" Something like that always had an aftermath, whether it be how people reacted or what new worst case scenarios Din was prepped for, things like that didn't just get brushed off even if it was a daily risk. Close calls were close calls.

But the talk about bat encounters, as terrible as they were, were a relief in a way. Got them off the topics they'd been on before and allowed them to talk...a bit more comfortably. It wasn't without awkwardness but Jai would take it for now.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-04-04 05:04 am UTC (link)
"I sent the fastest of the others back to get help and the remaining two on guard, in case something smelled the blood and decided to come by for an easy snack, and bandaged him up the best I could with what I had on-hand," Dinadan answers with a half-shrug.

He considers just stopping there -- most of the time, that's where he would stop in a States-side tale of his time in New Morlaidh. But with his and Jai's friendship so fragile right now, he feels compelled to elaborate with a little cultural information.

"There weren't enough of us that I felt it was a good idea to send anyone after the bat. Getting to eat the animal cause of the injury is pretty great, psychologically speaking, but that takes second place to surviving the incident."

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So sorry! Notif got lost
[info]fastasyoucan
2013-05-19 06:26 am UTC (link)
There's not much he can add, so Jai listens and nods along. There's a lot about New Morlaidh and its culture that he's unaware of, he only knew as much as Din had shared with him before, so most tidbits of information are new to him. But he understands it in a way, not really revenge in the vindictive angry way but...well he was too muddled to put it well. Unfortunately it brings to mind the thought that when it came to Din and his...death, the cause of that was sitting right beside him. How he wished he could give that peace of mind that eating the bat might've for Din's injured friend. But Din wasn't the type to hold it against him, or want to get back or...even. What could he do when he was the only one who seemed to hold what happened against him?

"Did you catch it in the end? And...did it help?"

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Re: So sorry! Notif got lost
[info]sonoftheatom
2013-05-29 06:36 am UTC (link)
"Nope. It's either still out there, or it got eaten by something else," Dinadan says with another shrug. "It happens. The important thing is that he survived. Death happens quickly in the jungle, being able to thwart it is really great."

It's...weird, actually telling one of his cape friends about New Morlaidh stuff. He almost wonders if he's permanently broken the wall between the two halves of his life. He falls silent, poking at the thought like it's the hole where a missing tooth should be.

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-06-05 05:10 am UTC (link)
"Makes the superhero stuff up here seem mundane." It's a weak smile, and an ever weaker half-hearted attempt at some lightness that just felt like it faded into awkward silence.

He appreciates the openness from Din about his other life, even more so since he doesn't feel he deserves any of it. Din didn't talk about that half much, understandibly it seemed, but Jai didn't know what else to say. So he falls into silence for a while too before speaking again.

"...Thanks Din. For...sharing all that. I know that...I'm not exactly the person you should want to share with but...thanks."

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-06-11 06:27 am UTC (link)
"Ehh, giant bats verses giant robots..." Dinadan raises a hand and tilts it back and forth. "Mostly ends up being six of one, half dozen of the other. Only down there it's got politics, and up here is school."

"You're welcome," he says. "And shut up. There's no "should want", that's the other point of that story. People die, Jai; a man my mother loved and my father called 'friend' got eaten alive by ants in front of them. By ants. And I have a theory that the existence of a particular breed of spider in the area is proof that the white dwarf engine of my peoples' ships did something horrible to the ecosystem when they landed here."

He grabs for Jai's arm, afraid his friend is going to bolt again.

"Look, you were never the problem. It was the ring -- for both of us, it was the ring that was the problem. It used you just like it used me, and it left us with the damage when we had no control over what happened. I'm not freaked out because I died, I have near-death experiences on at least a bi-weekly basis back home, I freaked out because it ripped me out of my body and used me." He licks his lips. They feel dry from the speed of his words tumbling out of them.

"I don't know how you died, but I know it wasn't how you should have gone. I went down fighting, which is second only to "peacefully in my sleep surrounded by grandchildren, etc" in my book. I really don't care that I died, I'm just bummed that you feel like you killed me."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-08-26 10:49 pm UTC (link)
The bats vs. robots bit gets a small smile out of him which fades as the discussion turns. It'd be a lie to say he didn't consider bolting, some small part of him, there are times still when things get bad and the reflex kicks in. Run.

But just because he could run, fast, far, free and untouchable for the moment, didn't mean he should. He'd been doing too much running away recently. Sometimes you had to stop and face things.

He lets Din say his bit and takes a deep breath. "Look I...I know death isn't as permanent as it should be in this job, but I was dead. And no, I didn't die how I wanted to, or how maybe I should have, but I did. And it's...I can accept that, death is a part of life and an everyday thing with this job. But I...I know it sounds terrible, but I sometimes, well often now, wish that I...stayed that way you know? It's that if I was going to die, let it stay that way, let everyone remember me as I was and not...what they used me as."

He took a deep breath. "I'm not 'freaked out' about it like you put it, it happened, it's done, and it can't be changed. That I can deal with, but it's that I-" he amended his wording now, "they made me kill you, and do all those other terrible things. And it's not even really what they made me do, it is but, it's more that now I have to see the consequences of it, and what it's done to everyone and know that they used me to do all that harm."

This time he grabs his friend's arm, the one that's holding him from bolting. "Look Din, I know I've been withdrawing but...you're doing it too. You're spending less and less time up here, more time in New Morlaidh. And it's not just focusing on the royal stuff, we both know it. I don't know what it is, but you're slowly cutting ties. And...I'll live with not having you as a friend and that my body was used to kill you...but I don't want you to disappear on everyone because of something I did. You can't do that, Din."

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[info]sonoftheatom
2013-09-13 06:09 am UTC (link)
"I get it," Dinadan says quietly. "Wishing you'd stayed that way because what happened was awful, I mean. I did the crazy shut-in thing for months before I finally started seeing someone to help me deal. I just..." he shrugs. "I just eventually chose to see it that, since I got to come back, I should go back to doing good things with my life. Not to make up for what happened, because I can't undo it with good deeds, but just to..." The corner of his mouth quirks up in a smile. "I guess to redeem my name.

"But the New Morlaidh thing, it's really not about you," he continues. "I promise, I swear on my EZ Bake Oven, I wouldn't have come to you this summer to get you to convince me not to drop out of high school if it was about you."

He takes a deep breath. He's never actually said this to one of his friends before, he's always just smiled and nodded and let it go when they all talked about how they were going to kick so much butt when they finally threw off the label of "the kids" and started working as adult heroes.

"Jai, I was never going to do what-- what Cait's dad does. I was never going to try and divide my time between the throne and the League. I'd be available for emergencies, and I'd come up to visit you guys socially; I'd literally only be a phone call away, but..."

He runs his hand through his hair again, making it stand up like the feathers of a flustered bird, and slumps back against the wall.

"I'm not a cape hero," he says, more to his own lap than to the other young man sitting next to him. "I'm a warrior prince who knows how to play by cape hero rules."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2013-09-23 09:04 pm UTC (link)
There's a slight smile now at the swearing upon the EZ Bake Oven, that was a serious oath. It fades slightly as he hears the rest. Sure he'd love to be able to hero alongside Din, maybe on the same team if possible, even in adulthood. But Din has responsibilities that Jai does not, and he gets it. It's not exactly a pleasant thing to rearrange that vision of the future with all of them fighting crime together, this time without Din, but there's been a lot of change in how he thought his life would go recently.

He nods and gives his friend an understanding smile. "I get it, the cape hero thing...well it's not exactly something that goes easily with royal duties. I was planning on taking a break from the cape life a bit. Just to...put myself together again and figure out my life. I was just worried you were using it to...avoid people you know?" Jai reaches out and puts a hand on Din's shoulder. "Just...don't lose touch okay? I was ready to accept I might have to lose a great friend because of...that whole ordeal. But I don't want to lose one by drifting apart. Not after all we've been through, and certainly not you."

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[info]sonoftheatom
2014-01-11 09:58 pm UTC (link)
"I'm pretty sure that Petra would literally steal my dad's belt and come down to New Morlaidh to scream at me in front of everyone if she thought I was trying to run away and avoid everyone up here," Dinadan says wryly. "And if my mother even suspected that I was, she'd let her."

He smiles a little at Jai. "I promise, I'm not running. Or at least that I won't."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2014-02-05 02:31 pm UTC (link)
"Looks like there's a line of people intent on keeping you in touch," he smiles slightly, not wanting to quite say out loud just how relieved he was to hear that. He'd been more scared that Din might go all reclusive on everyone because of something he'd done, even if it had been the black ring making him do it.

At the promise his smile widens just a tad. "Good. Because you know I could catch you if you did."

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[info]sonoftheatom
2014-02-23 07:29 am UTC (link)
Dinadan rolled his eyes and raised a fist like he was going to thump Jai on the shoulder, projecting enough that a guy with super-speed could dodge back if he had developed some touch-related phobia.

"Yeah, yeah, you've been able to catch me since we met. My learning curve is significantly steeper than that."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2014-02-24 11:20 pm UTC (link)
Jai lets the thump land with a smile, he can't say this is back to how it used to be yet, but it's a lot closer than it was just an hour ago.

"And don't you forget it."

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[info]sonoftheatom
2014-03-01 11:47 pm UTC (link)
"Can't. You'd never let me."

Dinadan rose up from the bench and offered Jai his hand. "Do you want cake? I want cake. I don't care if rewarding myself with cake when I do something difficult sets me up for bad habits later in life, I deserve cake. Or at least a cookie."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2014-03-02 08:39 am UTC (link)
Jai smiled up at Din. "I think something would be even more seriously wrong with me if I turned down food. Especially cake." He took Din's offered hand and got to his feet. "Cake with cookies incorporated?"

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[info]sonoftheatom
2014-03-03 02:54 am UTC (link)
"I'll see what I can do," Dinadan says, leading Jai back toward the bookshelves. "Worst case scenario: layer cake with cookies between the layers."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2014-03-04 01:11 am UTC (link)
"If that's our worst case scenario, I have to say it's not looking too bad," Jai smiled and followed along.

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[info]sonoftheatom
2014-03-04 01:42 am UTC (link)
"That is the best kind of worst case scenario. As an avid planner for the worst case scenario, I know of what I speak."

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[info]fastasyoucan
2014-03-04 01:58 am UTC (link)
"Considering how rare we get worst case scenarios like that...best take advantage of it."

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[info]sonoftheatom
2014-03-05 03:09 am UTC (link)
"My thoughts exactly. Let's rock."

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